The Iconic British High Street: RIP

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

According to a highly confidential report recently compiled by the Ministry for Major Fuckups - then leaked to red top gutter press tabloids via the tried and tested route of Bolshie Whitehall whistleblowers out for some career frustration ‘payback’ and cause a spot of anarchical mayhem around Westminster - the number of High Street retailers shutting up shop began to manifest as a disturbing trend during the catastrophic three year Reign of Error of Gordon ‘Incapability’ Broon once he took over as PM from the equally-disastrous Tony ‘War Crimes’ Bliar in 2007 – a phenomenon which has since advanced at a geometric rate with 20-plus local traders per day closing down since the Con-Dem Coalition slithered into office in 2010 – a ten-fold increase on the previous year.

Alas the nursery rhyme’s Butcher and Baker and Candlestick Maker have gone the same way as the Dodo – tits-up extinct - along with each and every speciality shop – not a single one of which has been replaced – and the likes of the Greedy Grocer mega-supermarket chains and online shopping having nowt to compare in the way of alternatives.

All the family firms, generations in the same trade – Butchers trusted and respected by their communities at large not to serve up a couple of pounds of minced beef that’s half-weighted with Steptoe’s horse – are gone and replaced by faceless multi-national ‘profit-above-all’ conglomerates and their migrant clone worker ants from across the eastern bloc of the EUSSR community who labour for the pure pleasure of doing some hapless Brit’ out of a job – then getting Sundays off to go and poach carp and the Queen’s swans on the local park ponds – while their bottle blonde slapper women spend their time shoplifting in Poundland.

But what the fuck do we expect when you have the likes of the Greedy Grocer chains – Pestco, Pukesburys, Shiteland and Mammon & Snobfords - trying to undercut each other in price wars – and most definitely pulling the rug out from under the hapless feet of the established town traders – selling produce at less than they can actually buy it – due ‘monopolies’ and squeezing their producers and suppliers until they squeak and bleed.

Though it’s not only the big multi-nationals but council tax business rates adding to the cull factor – then you have HMRC with the income tax ‘and’ VAT – and implementing costly Brussels / EUSSR regulations over HSE and employment laws – so what the fuck do the government expect? That the High Street traders carry on borrowing money like the Chancellor does? A few zillion quid every month – strains of Gordon Broon and the other albino tosser, Alistair ‘Subprime’ Darling and New Labour’s fatally-flawed Money-Go-Round.

The alarming closure figures went ballistic in the last three months of 2012 as a legion of village and small town businesses went into self-harm suicide mode and voluntary administration at a rate of 30-plus per day due being hounded by bailiffs for payment of their exorbitant council tax arrears and declaring themselves bankrupt.

While there was a drastic decline in shops selling products of any use to man or beast, there was a boom in retail conglomerates taking over the premises as 7/11 Stop n Rob convenience stores flogging bags of crisps and aspartame-loaded fizzy drinks – along with the usurious likes of Ripoffs-R-Us payday loan providers, cash converters / pawnbrokers, charity stores, branches of Flatbrokes the bookies – and Pound shops selling all manner of useless Third World sweatshop tat.

And there you see the proverbial writing on the wall – even Banksy couldn’t do it better – the perfect illustration of how sick our society has become – terminal rot set in and festering faster than a leper lying on a sunbed.

Conversely, Candida Mingerot, a psychoanalyst at the Golden Calf Institute for Materialistic Studies, speaking at the annual Mammon Lectures in Smegmadale last month, warned that community cohesion was damaged by the decline of a town’s High Street traders.
"It's important psychologically and socially for families and communities that we have this congenital identity, and when the sheeple see these traders closing up for good and being replaced by rows of boutiques selling the same shit – plus this invasion of pawnshops and Wonga ‘Debtocracy-Now’ loan firms, then they smell a rat and know their neighbourhood is turning into one of those dysfunctional sink or swim dumps.

Ah, but that’s one of the primary aims of the New World Order and EUSSR Federation – the creation and maintenance of a dysfunctional society – with the wholesale disruption of British society on the agenda. The total upheaval of the four pillars of our human identity – those four major collective forces that have served us for millenniums past: Family, Race, Religion and Nation.

Thought for the day. No surprises there really. What the fuck do the government expect with their austerity measures and funding foreign wars – and their primary constituents being the Fortune 500 corporations – and not the silly fuckers who voted them into political office?
The common herd have less money in their pockets, the employment landscape is a nuclear wilderness - and supermarkets, not content with monopolising the food aspect of trade are now competing for top dog notch in non-food retail – plus the ubiquitous internet currently commands 12% of all retail sales – with that medium of shopping only predicted to increase like UKIP’s supporters.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.