Osborne Fights for Bankster Bonuses

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In an act that probably constitutes the most stupid idea since their last stupid idea - and totally gives the game away that the Tory Party’s prime constituents are the CEO’s of the Fortune 500 corporations and ‘not’ the hapless British voters who elected them to office - Chancellor George Osborne flew to Brussels yesterday aboard Nutty Natty Rothshite’s private Gulfstream jet, determined to undermine the European Parliament's vindictive, killjoy proposals to clamp down on risk-adrenalin junkie banksters exorbitant Cult of the Golden Calf zillion bucks performance bonuses.

Following a nasty phone call from the City’s Eye of the Needle Street-based Capo dei Capi of the Rothshite family crime syndicate to the Downing Street cabinet office, several ministers – especially so PM Posh Dave Scameron and George Osborne – shit kittens and after lots of kowtowing and ‘yes Sir, no Sir, three bags full Sir!’ acts of ritual supplication, promised to do their bit to subvert the EUSSR-backed scheme to limit annual bonuses to a mere 100% of the bottom-feeding banksters' salary.

EU-bureaucracy critics in the City of London (New Babylon) are apoplectic that if this Brussels ruling goes through it could well drive all scumbag bankster types out to offshore tax havens to conduct their money laundering activities and play Russian roulette casino games with depositor’s funds.

Conversely, London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense dismissed the idea as self-defeating – opining to one press hack from the Shylocks Gazette that “The City is the EUSSR community's largest financial centre and if these toe-rag oicks in sodding Brussels try to force the annual bonus ruling on the bank exec’s then the Edomite Mafia will be dispatching a crew of nasty assassins out of Tel Aviv double bloody quick, just mark my words.”
"This is possibly the most deluded measure to come from Europe since the Emperor Diocletian tried to fix the price of six inch nails for crucifixions across the Roman Empire back in 296 AD – a calamitous oversight that resulted in a spate of lynch-a-thons and the adoption of impalement as an alternative form of punishment."

However Osborne's more scent than substance bargaining power will have to rely on personal injury threats from his close-in 22 SAS security detail and kiddie fiddling peccadilloes blackmail coercion due the knock-on effects of ‘sensible shoes’ non-EUSSR member Switzerland's recent stellar example of staging a national referendum held by popular consensus - aimed at curbing the culture of quick buck profits and irresponsible lending to any fucker and their dog that played a pernicious role in fuelling the global banking crisis.

This resulted in the capping of bonuses paid to Mammon-worshipping banksters who drew the public’s ire following the catastrophic collapse of the Zurich-based Cuckoo Clock Bank of International Usury due dodgy derivatives speculation and hedging bets on sub-prime loan swaps.

The view from the woman in the street, in this case Ms Candida Titwank, a canny 16-year old mother of three from Newsham, was put to a media hack that “I’m all for it – fuck the bankster scumbags – let the twats try an’ live off less than £100 quid a week like me on effin’ welfare benefits. If bankster profits can afford ter pay out mega-bucks percentages in performance bonuses ter a bunch of tosspot executive staff from the lucre of exorbitant usury an’ bank charges - wot amounts ter no more than the legalised muggin’ of the common herd demographic in overdraft fees – an’ after getting’ hit wiv mobs of zillion dollar fines fer launderin’ drug money like wot the HSBC did – an’ forkin’ out even more in mis-sold PPI claims - then the system needs burnin’ ter the ground, the ashes dumping in a fast flowin’ river and the entire edifice restructured from the foundations up. How that fer a piece of corrective philosophy, eh? Ain’t it just amazin’ wot yer can learn on the internet.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.