MoD Gun Money? Slash Welfare Budget!

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

As the week ended we had the Tories’ pro-Zionist uber-hypocrite of a Foreign Secretary Willy Vague writing memos to cabinet ministers demanding they refrain from discussing the illegality of the 2003 invasion of Iraq so as not to stir up the war crimes sediment of muddied (bloodied?) waters now settled – or else be branded a ‘Bolshie pleb’ and get their name in the Chief Whip’s Naughty Book.

Meanwhile, at the other end of the idiocy spectrum is Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond, the UK’s hopeless case of a Defence Secretary, warning that further cuts in military spending would drastically compromise the UK's armed forces homicidal maniac capability to murder women and children in the far off lands of Greater Arabia and Africa, whose nations fly the green star and crescent banner of Islam – and have lots of enviable natural resources lying under their sands.

Alas Hammond, the Tory MP for Runnynose and formerly Minister for Badger Cull Affairs, is a walking (albeit knuckle-dragging) prime example of Mother Nature’s failed experiment with intelligence-equipped bipeds – with a Common Purpose NLP brainwashed one-size-fits-all approach to every fucking thing, and no personal military experience to qualify him for the post beyond the fact he was once given a toy fort and some soldiers as a Christmas present.

Speaking to a press hack from the Warmongers Gazette, old Dandruff confided - on agreement the reporter wouldn’t tell more than a dozen - that “Never mind this sodding report by the Public Accounts Committee - which claims our MoD sent a bunch of wannabe civil servants out with a unit of squaddies from the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment on a ‘shop-til-you-drop’ buying spree last year and they came back with £1.5 billion quids-worth of equipment which hasn’t been used and that such represents an outrageously wasteful display in spending".

“All this stuff was on BOGOF offers and procured for stock – and even if we don’t really need the tons of Poundland’s Blanco and whitewash – that can go to the Met Plod Squad’s investigative teams for covering up lots of the Operation Yewtree and Fernbridge’s nasty ‘warts and all’ revelations concerning Maggie Thatcher’s kiddie fiddling ministers and their secret handshake club fudger pals – and all their dirty doings down at Mrs Kasir’s Renta-Catamite Guest House in Richmond.”

“So on the one hand – even though the stupid common herd aren’t going to hear this on the telly – well, not on the BBC anyway – we receive orders from our Zionist moneylender bosses to get primed up for a humanitarian intervention campaign in Syria before the all-out pre-emptive attack on Iran – yet the likes of that long streak of ginger-mingin piss, Danny Alexander at the Treasury says he’s going to chop a few £££ billion quid off our budget.”

“Hence my argument is that Osborne and Co need to have a rethink and hit the useless eaters again – these unemployed and disabled tossers and bottle blonde single mother slappers who breed like hamsters and do sod all for the country – as our armed forces are forever in need of more bullets – along with a steady supply of bandages and body bags to keep up with all these horrid green on blue backstabber attacks by Afghan troops on ISAF soldiers.”

So Hammond wants to slash welfare benefit payments to fund his blood and gore warmongering armed forces, using the argument that if ever the UK is to amount to anything in the pecking order of the Edomite Mafia’s New World Order then we need an aggressive foreign policy – and the army, navy and air force to back up that ambition.

Alas the chances of our once-sceptred isle ever making a name for itself again went out with Empire’s Day and is long gone - so wake up Mr Hammond. Britain’s prefix of Great has been replaced with Broken – thanks to a succession of inept governments – both Labour and Tory – and especially the 1980’s years of socio-political ‘criminal’ mismanagement under that menopausal maniac Maggie Thatcher and her gang of cabinet office reprobates.

The National Audit Office has warned the government on these issues since the relief of Mafeking – and recently presented the House of Conmans Oversight Committee with a report (fortunately leaked by obliging whistle-blowing snitches) that Hammond’s MoD holds more than 710 million items of 900,000 different categories – far surpassing even Amazon’s extensive stock inventory.

Thought for the day. The UK’s dog wanker of a Foreign Secretary, Willy Vague, has now made the ultimate in Catch 22 hypocrisy statements regarding the civil war stalemate in Syria with: “You can reach the point eventually where humanitarian need is so great that you have to do something new in order to save lives. Hence our commitment to supply the Free Syrian Army rebels – all 20-plus factions of them – with more arms – on the proviso they use them to kill Assad’s soldiers and not go shooting each other and civilians."

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.