Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Durham Council Rip Off Taxpayers

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Anyone got their 2013 council tax bill yet? Don’t worry, it’ll be in the post and dropping right through your letter box before you can shout ‘Shit!’ – and for those in dismal Durham, wondering if it’s gonna get hiked yet again, the prediction is ‘you betcha’ – as some fucker and their dog has to cough up the £13,000 quid clothing allowance for their fat slug of a local authority chairwoman, Councillor Linda ‘Hamster-Features’ Marshall and her equally-vulgarian vice-chairperson, Councillor Porky Pauline Charlton.

The gospel according to a Bolshie crew of embedded whistle-blowing snitches inside Durham’s cash-strapped county council authority, mega-bucks tranches of taxpayers' hard-earned money are being doled out to its chairwoman and vice chair - to squander on clothes.

The story, leaked to the gutter press Ripoffs Gazette red top tabloid has caused a veritable ‘shit-hits-fan’ reaction from civil activists due the fact this latest Money-Go-Round spend-a-thon exposé comes as the New Labour-dominated local authority is tasked with making more than £200 million quid in public service budget cuts by 2018 – and the Citizens Advice Bureau topping the fatalities hit list – along with turfing 1,600 unlucky fuckers out of their jobs and into the unemployment wilderness that currently blights Broken Britain with the air of some Third World basket case nation on the cadge for foreign handouts.

Despite critics stating for the public record that this dodgy clothing allowance arrangement is a flagrant and immoral abuse of the public’s trust and funds – and the money would be better spent on vital services - the entrenched council hierarchy and jobsworth bureaucrats have refused to axe the perk. But that’s the customary stock response as there’s no official stricture to enforce the public will – and only a display of brick-throwing mob anger seems to get their apathetic attentions.

The incumbent chairwoman, Councillor Linda Marshall, 92, receives a more than adequate £13,300 basic remittance paid to all councillors – along with a special responsibility allowance of £6,650 (for making sure the tea caddy’s always full) - and a further clothing allowance of £8,580 to shop at Castaluna’s ‘Happy Hog’ Women’s Plus Size stores.

Vice-chairwoman Councillor Pauline Charlton, 86, receives the same £13 grand basic allowance, along with a special responsibility allotment of £3,325 (for keeping council meetings supplied with ginger nuts) and a clothing allowance of £4,280 - so she doesn’t have to attend public functions in her husband’s dressing gown and a pair of gardening wellies.

Well, that’s not a bad little earner to milk out of the hapless sheeple - £28,230 and £20,605 apiece respectively – the average gross wage for lower end to mid-range working couples who don’t belong to the secret handshake club cabal – or have a stream of ‘honorariums’ flowing in from their local councils.

Ron McScrote, the Lib-Dum ‘thorn-in-the-proverbial-side’ opposition councillor representing Slumgate Moor, opined to press hacks that “It’s a right load of old cobblers in my opinion cos yer can find a reasonably priced suit fer a bloke or a lass fer about £30 nicker if yer have a good mooch an’ root around in the charity shops. Well, I did, anyway.”
“But not fer that ostentatious wastrel Councillor Marshall wot wanders around wearin’ a big wooly Siberian doormat wot’s cost the Durham resident taxpayers an arm an’ a leg – an’ this ludicrous £15,000 nicker that the moron’s rakin’ in constitutes more than a pensioner gets ter live on for a full year.”

“It’s a pity they don’t allocate a few quid out of the budget fer the lardy old trout ter get some dental work done ter fix them piranha teeth - an’ buy the androgynous mutant a membership at Slimmer’s World.”
“So if she’s rakin’ in over £15,000 nicker in allowances then there’s simply no excuse for her ter be walkin’ around lookin’ that ugly – even if her mongrel parents had bin swimmin’ fer too long in the shallow end of the gene pool – cos they can do wonders nowadays wiv this Botox stuff an’ cosmetic surgery.”

“Wot we want ter know is wot the fuck New Labour’s child prodigy leader Ed Millipede’s gonna do about this waste of council funds – cos Durham County Council workers an’ tax payers are gonna look at this an’ find it a right gob-smacking insult to their collective limited intelligence.”

Conversely deputy leader Arthur Gronk, the council's panjandrum-titled ‘cabinet portfolio holder for resources’, informed the Ripoffs Gazette that the clothing allowance had been in place since Saxon times - to persuade councillors to stop daubing themselves with woad and wear something that covered their modesty – such as a well-combed bearskin or a patchwork of rabbit and squirrel pelts.

“The allowance in question covers all expenses associated with being the Council Chairperson and is not solely a clothing allowance – as Ms Marshall has a skew of very important civic responsibilities to fulfil – such as cutting ribbons, presiding over the Macbeth Cauldron Stirrers Society – and the Durham Coven, acting as secretary for the Three Baggers Club, writing a weekly column for the Broomstick Jockeys’ Gazette - plus all the council’s EUSSR duties such as the exchange wine-tasting jollies in Brussels and jaunts around Europe.”

Councillor Marshall, who lives at Trolls Cottage in Slaghead and represents Chester-le-Street West for New Labour, conspicuously failed to respond to calls to her County Hall office. Likewise, her colleague, the current vice-chairwoman, Councillor Charlton, informed press hacks “I’m sayin’ fuck all that might incriminate me – where’s me fuckin’ solicitor?”

Thought for the day. Hmmm, and the elitist scum running the world wonder why the common herd demographic get pissed off, spits the dummy, goes ballistic and stages periodic insurrections, bloody revolutions and military coups, etcetera. Come the Day of the Rope and all the trough dwellers will be dancing the Pierrepoint jig.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2287347/Council-branded-ludicrous-handing-12-000-year-CLOTHING-allowance-authoritys-chairwomen.html#ixzz2MaedPfNM

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