Lib-Dums Renamed Delusional Party

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Apart from having that forked tongue hypocrite Nick Clegg as a party leader as opposed to New Labour’s former head honcho Tony ‘War Crimes’ Bliar – and his three times loser sodomite buddy Lord Peter Scandalson (aka Vermin in Ermine), the Lib-Dums are close to the same rating on the Scumbag scale as their ‘worker’s party’ political contemporaries for their ranks being filled with influence-peddling low life scrotes and scallies – (and amateur rapists) – with the likes of Chris ‘Pointsman’ Huhne and Lord Rennard of the Gropers clocking up 10/10 for conspicuous prominence – not forgetting the Liberal’s notorious Jeremy ‘Fudge’ Thorpe putting Wallace and Gromet style hitman contracts out on his former faggot boyfriends.

Obviously suffering from a bout of his customary selective memory complaint, Noddy Pantsdown, the Librarian Dummercrats 96-year old former leader and MP for Old Yokels, went into total self-delusional mode on Friday while addressing the party’s spring conference in boring Brighton (the south coast’s answer to Chernobyl) and pontificating on election strategy, when calling on Lib-Dum activists to win a second term in office as he wanted their being in government to become ‘a habit’ and not a blue moon anomaly – uttering the war cry learned from the party’s resident Chinese sage Sir Mingin Campbell, of “We’ve finally got a taste of Downing Street power and now we want more!”

Er hang on a minute – ‘second term in office’ – WTF? They didn’t win any fucking thing in the 2010 general election ballot – rather gained 8 seats and lost 13 (unlucky for some) – what kind of a clusterfuck is that to boast about? The Tories came in ahead with 307 seats, New Labour at second place with 258 and the Lib-Dums a pathetic third with 57.

Then the two-faced opportunist twats first huddled round with Gordon Broon and New Labour’s hierarchy to discuss a Money-Go-Round coalition but opted for a better deal with Posh Dave Scameron and the blue blood Nasty Party when seduced with promises of membership of the Secret Handshake Club and their kids getting places at Eton – and thus was born this not-fit-for-purpose fuck up of a Con-Dem Coalition – with the Tories in charge.

To add to the March Hare seasonal spring madness, the bonkers Business Secretary Vince Cable warned that Broken Britain’s tits-up commerce would slip even further into terminal decline if areas like the National Ill-Health Service were spared the blade of Chancellor Georgie Osborne’s austerity cuts simply to appease the proletariat.

Venomous Vince failed yet again to engage before opening mouth and opined to a gutter press hack from the Spendthrifts Gazette that he wanted to see their Tory partners pushed for further capital spending on industry projects. Then, in an unconscious attempt to make himself as popular as a convicted child molester at a kid’s party, committed an act of ritual seppuku in the eyes of elder voters by calling for senior citizen’s pensions and benefits to be means tested and taxed.

Cable added that "You can't change the minds of the common herd overnight, that’s why we need more pro-Lib-Dum party propaganda messages on the telly and in the tabloids as that’s where the sheeple get their information and believe anything they read or see on the goggle box.”

“Hence come the next election, we should do the same as the US with their Diebold ballot machines and pre-programme them so we win regardless of who the fuck people vote for – then it will be a full Lib-Dum government running the House of Conmans – determined to build a strong economy and fairer society, enabling everyone to go to Eton and Oxford and be members of the Bullingdon Dining Club.”

Yep, reflecting on the litany of election campaign trail canvassing promises made by Clegg and Co that now lie broken along the path of political ignominy, then gaining electoral office via the route of cheating is the only option open to them.

Thought for the day. Ah well, living in this day and age of having political correctness force-fed down our collective throats for breakfast, dinner and tea, perhaps it is unfair to mock the afflicted - even if they are fair game for ridicule – albeit from their performance since getting a foot inside Downing Street as the very junior partner in this star-crossed coalition government Clegg and his Lib-Dums come across more as beasts of the warren more so than venery – vermin in fact.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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