Xmas Squirly News Round-Up

Just to prove the fact that Mother Nature is Her own person, has little time for fools and can be a right bitch when so provoked – the Global Warming summit in Copenhagen – assembled by the Zionist cabal controlling the United Nation to ‘carbon tax’ the world’s peasants into extinction - has been blighted with sub-zero freezing temperatures, chill factor winds and several inches of snow.

To emphasise Her point, according to the ‘Gidday Bruce’ column on the Monkey Spanker’s website, summertime Australia has been blessed with Festive Season snow drifts blanketing the desert sand dunes at Wallamaroo.

The Eurostar service running from France to England was suspended indefinitely following several trains malfunctioning and simply refusing to play ball and work, leaving thousands stranded in the Chunnel overnight due electrical faults caused by – believe it or not – unseasonal cold snaps – er – in Winter.

Adding insult to injury regarding the dodgy doctored Anthropogenic Global Warming theory the US weather also refuses to heed the global warming Scare-ocracy’s clarion call and heat up a few drought-inflicting degrees Centigrade.

Winter storms have gripped the Eastern seaboard, dumping 16 inches (40cm) of snow in some areas, snarling up travel and cutting power supplies – with 35 mph (56km/h) winds driving what may be the worst snowstorm to hit since the last one.

The 16 inches of embarrassing white stuff that fell at Reagan National Airport outside Washington was the most ever recorded on a single December day since the release of Al Bore’s Oscar-winning documentary - which came tops on the Hollywood bullshit meter.

Apparently the Eskimo delegation at the Copenhagen junket are still waiting for a reply to their question – when’s it going to get warmer and the Arctic ice cap melt so they can ditch their poxy igloos and get some decent housing at long last.?

So, what’s the comment from the Global Warming guru Al Bore on these snippets of Inconvenient Truth? Nada.

Ah well, the New World Order elitist scum will simply have to bully their carbon exchange ‘cap n trade’ tax agenda through with brute force now the propaganda machine’s gone tits up with the recent damning revelations of Climategate – and a most uncooperative weather system throwing its own spanner into the works.

A petition has been filed with the High Court in London by the ‘Common Purpose’ brainwashing charity’s legal representative, Fellattia van der Gobble, to restrict the movements of Santa Claus around the UK over the Christmas period.

Fellattia heads the Independent Safeguarding Authority and is charged with implementing its newly-introduced Vetting & Banning Scheme which hopes to prohibit raving paedo’s – or other undesirable kiddie-fiddling Catholic priests and dodgy Freemason types - from working with children and vulnerable farm animals.

Fellatia elaborated on the petition’s content to a reporter from the Killjoys Gazette “I mean, just look at this Santa guy – paunchy, unshaved, big red boozer’s nose, double-chinned, grossly overweight - with his arse hanging out of his pants – and children adore sitting on his knee and confiding what they want for Christmas. Who knows what the dirty old sod whispers into their innocent ears?”

“It disturbs me that he spends the whole year at the North Pole shacked up with a small army of elves working for sweatshop minimum wage remuneration. This type of scenario is not healthy and Santa’s far from the ideal role model for anyone to admire or aspire to – especially so impressionable children.”

“Further this asinine practice of encouraging kiddies to leave a glass of sherry and a mince pie by the fireplace for the fat old alcoholic git simply encourages them to start scoffing junk food and go into binge drinking mode at an early age.”

Thieves this week targeted a now-defunct Nazi-run Holohoax theme park in Poland and stole the iconic ‘Welcome to Auschwitz-Birkenau Holiday Camp’ sign from above the front gates.

The wrought iron decorative sign – declaring the typical numpty German credo of ‘Arbeit Macht Frei’ - ‘Work sets you Free’ – was originally believed to have been purlioned to adorn the entrance to a newly-opened branch of Jobcentre Plus in Cracow to cheer up repatriated Polack pikeys and swan roasters laid off in the UK’s festive season ‘Merry Redundancy’ drive.

Poland's chief Rabbi, Shylock Weaselberger, speaking to the media outside his Paranoid Park synagogue, told a reporter from the Gas Oven Gazette he could not imagine who would do such a thing – except disaffected Palestinian militants and Hamas terrorists who want to erect the sign over the Rafah entrance to their Gaza Strip concentration camp.

Rabbi Weaselberger, who is reportedly suffering from terminal halitosis, added "We don't know the identity of the perpetrators for certain but it’s quite obvious the Iranians are behind the theft as they hate our Jewish Democratic freedoms.”