Saturday, 5 December 2009

PM Brown Goes Ga-Ga on Tweeter

Sarah Brown's Tweeter followers were baffled earlier this week when the Prime Monster's long-suffering wife "twatted" a random set of letters that even caused cryptologists at the UK’s super secret Bletchley Park 'el-int' spy centre to scratch their heads in puzzled amazement and exclaim “WTF!?”

Fellow twatters suggested her bungling hubby Gordon might have got loose on the keyboard and mistaken it for the piano in his old Glaswegian hang-out – the Scallies Arms – and banged out the chorus to ‘Auld Lang Syne’ as a prelude to losing the forthcoming general election.

However it was deduced that one – or both of - their idiot savant sons – or their minimum wage Albanian pikey au pair - had got loose on the keyboard with her duster as, an hour later, Mrs Brown explained that numb-nutted junior ‘twatt’ interference was more than likely to blame.

Mrs Brown's "twitting, twatting and tweeting" posts on campaigning issues, Gordon’s haemorrhoids, life after Downing Street and visits to her local gynaecologist have all proved extremely popular, with zillions of followers based at the very ends of the Earth – from Anchorage to Ascension Island, Croydon to Kathmandu– and Paraguay to Potter’s Bar - the traditional backwater hideaways for the world’s 'most wanted' war criminals.

On Tuesday afternoon viewers were greeted by the message : Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious – which, to the majority of people who never enjoyed a childhood, would appear as gobbledegook and not the magic word from PL Travers’ Mary Poppit books.

‘Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch’ was the next brief text burst that alerted Special Branch to a possible attack on the government’s seat of power by subversive Welsh nationalist radicals - or the fact the Broon's tomcat Haggis had been tap-dancing on the keyboard.

However Downing Street informed the media that hackers were not suspected of being to blame and the culprit was quite possibly one of the Browns' two sons - Jimmy or Angus, aged sixteen and eighteen respectively - although a spokesman declined to say which of the two educationally-subnormal mutants was responsible – or if it was a joint / team effort on their parts.

Conversely rumours flashed by one Whitehall security detail snitch has thrown suspicion on the chronically paranoid Prime Monster himself who has apparently been acting quite strangely recently and reported to have suffered a series of weird psychotic episodes, telling aides he was applying for a Welsh passport and going to become a hermit on Snowdonia before Business Secretary Peter Scandalson had him murdered in the Tower of London.

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