Radical Rebel Priest Advocates Shoplifting

A priest in North Yorkshire has advised his congregation there is no sin – mortal or otherwise - attached to shoplifting if they find themselves short of a few bob during this Shylock bankster-engineered recession.

Father Ghengis McTwatte, the parish priest of St. Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Scallies in the village of Skidrow-on-the-Wold, told a reporter from the Kleptomania Gazette people should steal from big department store chains or branches of Pukesbury’s and the Greedy Grocer supermarket outlets rather than small businesses.

McTwatte claims that Jesus Himself would personally approve of them shoplifting, especially now the catastrophic weather effects of the global warming phenomenon have really started to kick in across the UK in the run-up to Christmas and ever bugger and their dog is snow-bound, choking on Chinese CO2 and suffering from the sub-zero freezing Arctic temperatures.

The Skidrow congregation’s good shepherd further maintains that by virtue of being the Messiah’s Vicar on Earth – so too would this Divine approval be bestowed by His Holiness Pope Benny Mk XVI - and the Vatican’s Curia.

During last Sunday’s sermon Fr. Ghengis opined that high society's attitude to those in need "leaves some people no other choice but to turn to crime to support themselves and their families".

“People put out of work - then house and home - forced into a state of impecunious peril by these usurious neshekers who control Satan’s evil Banks of Mamon – we must do with them as our good Lord Jesus did with the Shylock money lenders in the Temple – give them all the hoof.”

“It is the doing of the Fabian Freemasons and Zionist banksters - those Dante placed in the inner ring of the seventh circle of Hell, below even paedo’ kiddie fiddlers – although the felonious MPs who got caught with their greedy paws stuck in the expenses jar earlier this year deserve Divine damnation too.”

“This is an insidious, dangerous, secret coterie that has been working behind the scenes subversively against every nation state’s best interests - to the detriment of the many and the benefit their select elitist few - throughout history.”

Conversely the Archbishop of Westminster told a reporter from the Crucifixion Gazette "The Catholic Church does not advise anyone to shoplift or condone thievery which all boils down to the theft of property.”

“I mean, Father Ghengis might mean well or simply be having another of his minor psychotic episodes – but can you imagine Jesus and the Twelve Disciples going out on a shoplifting binge around Jerusalem to stock up with fish, loaves of bread and a couple of jeroboams of vino for their Last Supper? Perhaps Judas might as he was obviously a bit of an all-round bad sort from Day One.”

For their part North Yorkshire Police spokesman Inspector Mohammed Chuckabutty described the sermon as "highly irresponsible” – and Fr McTwatte as "a radical anarchist preaching subversive propaganda that borders on social nihilism.”

“The Home Office has noted that his sermon is a rallying call to arms aimed at the unemployed and homeless who go cold and hungry - and without shelter - while our criminal Labour government involves itself with illegal Imperialist neo-colonial wars in Iraq and Afghanistan – the cost of which – Fr. Ghengis claims – has contributed directly to the financial quagmire and social catastrophe the UK now finds itself in with no solution in sight – just more of the same.”

“Well, on a candid personal note I couldn’t agree more but our masters in Whitehall have ordered his arrest on charges of inciting insurrection against the democratically-elected government and of being a domestic terrorist.”

“Really, I think Fr. Ghengis is going to end up the same way as that other rebellious Yorkshireman – Guy Fawkes.”