Monday, 7 December 2009

Ice Queen Palin Arrested for Domestic Terrorism

Following a blitzkrieg pre-dawn raid on her rural Anchorage six bedroom igloo, involving ice picks, hot air guns and a flamethrower, a Homeland Security strike force this morning arrested failed Republican VP wannabe Sarah Palin on charges of subversion, domestic terrorism and several other acts of improbity and general wickedness – including sorcery - listed in the very small print of the Patriot Act.

While accurate details of her whereabouts are still unconfirmed at this time, one leaked report on the NSA blogsite suggests she wasn’t flown out on the regular 08:00 hours extraordinary rendition flight to sunny Uzbekistan but is being held and interrogated at FEMA’s (Federal Emergency Military Authority) all-new Mount Auschwitz detention camp just north of Denver.

Colonel Biily Bob Weaselbeger - Homeland Security’s ‘Redneck’ strike team commander, which carried out the raid on Palin’s Wasilla home in the Chutzpah National Park, told the media “The dumb bitch got her sad ass arrested for her latest Facebook posting that she titled ‘Stupid Conspiracies’ and accused the Democratic campaign team supporting Mr Obama’s nomination of instigating rumours during the primaries that her new baby, Troll, was not her natural-born son but some kid bought at a Yukip eskimo pick n mix rugrat sale at Fat Moose Lake.”

Apparently Palin further labelled as 'totally counterfeit and a fabrication’ the medical records burgled from her gynaecologist’s office and sold to the Daily Shitraker tabloid that proved she underwent a hysterectomy in 2006 to affect a last ditch cure for a chronic case of ‘Ma Flanagan’s Syndrome’ – (colloquially known as ‘Galloping Twatrot’)

Weaselberger continued “Well, little Miss Hockey Mom can deny the facts all she wants but when she starts questioning the nationality – and by association the patriotism – of our duly elected President – then ole ‘Igloo Trash’ is in deep shit with us boys here at Homeland.”

With regard to the above statement apparently Palin posted a comment on her Facebook’s ‘Stupid Conspiracies’ section that drew attention to the fact that during the election back-biting debates she never "asked Obama to produce his birth certificate or suggested that he was not born in the United States" – whereas both the Obama and Clinton teams had besmeared her with ’seven kinds of shit’- all of which – true or false - had apparently stuck.

Palin’s ‘Facebook Fury’ vented comments that mentioned she had never snorted coke with Larry Sinclair - nor had oral sex with him – or anyone else unfortunately – and her igloo was paid for with honest campaign contributions and not by mob money from scumbags like Chicago career criminal Tony Rezko.

Further criticisms hinted that Palin had never conspired with Dodgy Rod Blagojevich to auction off her old political throne to the highest bidder, nor was her spiritual advisor a radical anti-American honky-hating Pastor like Obama’s good buddy the Reverend Lefty Wright.

Another nail in her political coffin was the public assertion that Obama’s plans for health care reform were ‘absolute crap’ and included a ‘Downright Evil’ euthenasia ‘death panel" whose sole purpose would be to order the snuffing of the nation’s ‘useless eaters’ - specifically members of her own family.

Obama’s continued demolition of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights was served a healthy helping of caustic criticism on Palin’s Facebook – especially so the plans to ignore the Posse Comitatus Act by recruiting foreign troops and Slackwater / Xe mercenaries to police the streets and enforce martial law after the Fed’s piggy bank goes totally tits up in 2010.

Further iconoclastic statements regarding the self-appointed United States’ High Priest of Carbon Car & Trade - the Very Reverend Albert Bore – alluded to the fact that his evidence was based on the sad strictures of profit-motivated science and he was more full of shit than a Christmas goose - plus it was getting colder up north and not warmer.

According to Homeland Security clinical psychiatrist Sheldon Scumstein “Today global warming denial equals Holohoax denial – this woman is venting a toxic atmosphere of rage and exhibiting a variety of deep rooted psychological issues – with paranoia at the forefront.”

“She’s caught the same bug that’s infected all the conspiracy theory bloggers and alternative news media and 9/11 truth movement nutcases that are out chasing smoke and mirrors around the wild beyond.”
“The whole lot of them are unstable and a danger to themselves and society in general. The sooner we get the whole goddam lot safe and secure behind the wire at one of FEMA’s red zone camps the better.”

Conversely the few journalists still left around the globe who think for themselves and report the truth (all three of them) consider Palin’s most damning comment was her humourous closing Facebook riddle that posed the question “Why did the Washington Zoo get an African Lion when the White House ended up with a Lyin’ African?”

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