Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Vatican Villain Outdoes ‘Fast & Furious’

A Vatican priest led vice squad plods on a high speed car chase around Rome - leaving a trail of mayhem and destruction in his wake - plus several officers injured - after they attempted to pull him over for ‘cruising’ and ‘kerb-crawling’ around the city’s infamous red light district after he was seen leaving the ribald Choir Boys Review Bar.

Father Buggeroffi, 96, told a reporter from the Car Jackers Weekly that he floored his Ferrari Dino sports car after he erroneously assumed the group of plain clothes officers who tried to flag him down at the ‘pederastrian’ crossing outside the Nympho Nun’s Club were part of a gang of thieving Albanian scallies attempting to rob him.

During the twenty minute early hours car chase - which was described in court as "Even better that the Fast and Furious Hollywood movie" two vice squad vehicles crashed – into each other – and left three police officers injured.

The court in Rome heard that Father Buggeroffi was actually a priest who worked in the Vatican's State Department and was also a master of ceremonies at St Sodom's Basilica.

However the vice squad officers claim they gave chase after Father Buggeroffi was spotted driving slowly in the Valle Giulia - the red light area of Rome infamous and renown for every conceivable form of sexual deviation and prostitution – catering to the Vatican’s legions of ordained Catholic kiddie fiddlers, closet transvestities, zoophiles and necrophiliacs.

When eventually cornered and stopped by a Polizia di Stato traffic blockade the errant priest informed stunned officers: "You are all so fucked for arresting me – I only visit the Valle Giulia to hear the confessions of shemales and whores and save their souls from eternal damnation for shagging farm animals.”

Father Buggeroffi stands accused of driving under the influence of altar wine, running over a police officer’s foot, resisting arrest and failing to produce documents for the car or his identity when stopped.

His lawyer, Guido Corruptioni, told the court in Rome: 'My client is not a procurer or user of prostitutes or transsexuals – he goes to the Valle Giulia to provide spiritual guidance and hear the confessions of the fallen.”

“The condoms and industrial-strength Viagra the police found in his car are the property of his brother – as too is the leather bondage equipment.”
“Conversely the good Father freely admits the scourges and whips are his property – which he uses for his daily self-flaggellation sessions.”

“The vice squad officers are simply inventing this 'kerb crawling' story so they might have a high profile court case embroidered with lots of scandalous innuendo to make a ranking Vatican official look bad.”
“Believe me, do not invoke God’s divine fury by bearing false witness against one of His priests.”

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