Rabid Royal Dobby Censors BBC

In this New Year’s ‘Monarchical Abuse’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in Royal scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career radicals who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial and view 2015 as the ideal moment in history to stage a repeat performance of the 1789 and 1917 iconoclastic revolutions that twice-wiped abusive regal dynasties from the pages of history.

A licence fee-funded BBC documentary described by insiders as highly critical of the Prince of Wales has been – like the Jimmy Savile and Hollie Greig paedo sex abuse expose scandals before it – shit-canned with extreme prejudice – in this instance following a 'personalised' bully boy visit to the Beeb's craven Director General, 'Bony Tony' Hall, by Chazzer's Clarence House Tonton Macoute 'Thug Squad' after Hall chose to ignore an earlier blackmail warning note nailed to his guard dog's head – a visit which left him suffering anxiety attack trauma and an unscheduled bowel movement.

The controversial programme - 'Reinventing the Royals' - which was due to air on primetime television this Sunday, goes one step further from the Kraut bloodline Saxe-Coburg-Gotha inbred mongrel clan of syphilitic sociopaths deceitfully renaming themselves Windsor – and investigates the unscrupulous media propaganda methods used by the Prince and QE2's minders to rehabilitate and sanitise his uxoricidal image following the blatant murder of Diana, Princess of Wales - and to integrate the-then Gorgonzilla Porker-Bowels - Chazzer's 'significant other' - into palace life and the public eye – a campaign dubbed with the cryptic codename of 'Operation Big Ear's Bit on the Side'.

Typically, Clarence House has gone into denial mode viz any pressure on Prince Dobby's part to block the programme - which has been a year in the making.
The footage includes a first-ever television interview with the whistle-blowing Sandy McSnitch, employed in the capacity of press secretary to Dobby at the time of Di and Dodo al Fayed's (and the wrongfully maligned Henri Paul) murders.

Even before the fatal staged accident in Paris' Pont de Alma Tunnel the clinically insane Chazzer was increasingly concerned that his image was ‘in tatters’ - while the self-centred Royal family were alarmed by the anti-monarchist sentiment that followed the Paris crash and the common herd demographic having the audacity to question the Royal's 'divine right' to kill off who the fuck they liked – or rather 'disliked'.

McSnitch relates in the programme that "Old Dobby was going off his rocker over being accused of setting up a fatal car accident to get shut of Di' – and shown up as a bad father and unloving husband. He really got a right cob on with the media, both domestic and international, fingering him as the emotionally disturbed psychotic - a middle-aged balding Mummy's boy who talks to fucking house plants and had a pet cactus called Ronnie – who gets wed to a beautiful gal like Di'. It's the old frog and a princess story in reverse – a real no-brainer as to who is going to get the positive media coverage.”

"After the wicked Windsors had Di and Dodo murdered, Dobby hired Mark 'Scumbags' Bolland from the Press Complaints Commission to act as the 'By Appointment' spin doctor for the Royal family – tasked with implementing a program of industrial strength damage control – primarily to repair Chazzer's battered image by concocting opportunities to display him not so much as the loony Royal Plant Whisperer but more of a concerned single parent and caring father."

In addition Bolland had the unenviable job of winning public acceptance for the three-bagger broomstick merchant the Prince described as the 'non-negotiable' fellatrix part of his life – the chain-smoking Royal Wrinkleness, Gorgonzilla Porker-Bowels, the now Duchess of Cornhole.

'Blackadder' Bolland was further charged with convincing Bald Willy and Harry Hewitt to believe the same as the rest of the stupid common herd – specifically the conjured news reports that it was the nasty paparazzi who had hounded their mother to death and not snuffed on the orders of their evil ex-Nazi Granddad, His Royal Rudeness, Prince Stavros Twattenberg of Edinburgh – aka Virus Man.

Hence as Dobby is next in line to the throne we come to the ridiculous title of Fidi Defensor, which he will assume from QE2 when she either abdicates or croaks - and this is a patent worry to all good Christian souls in our once sceptred isle as he's not only a covert fudging bisexual and kiddie fiddler but a closet case Jew – privately circumcised in a 'brit milah' ritual by London's chief mohel, the Rabbi Shylock Snipcock – and in the habit of going round Broken Britain performing the ribbon cutting ceremonies at new synagogues.

So how does this constitutional joke work for the purported 'Defender of the Faith' of the Protestant Church of England?
Probably like much else these preposterous posing clowns get up to (and away with) via their pantomime costumed ceremonial rituals and acts of sheer brazen hubris. Same as a spot of wife-murdering – all Chazzer had to say was "who will rid me of this troublesome bitch?" - and there's MI5 right on the ball – ready and able to take a couple of hours off from blackmailing cabinet minister's over their Elm Guest House and Dolphin Square paedophile crimes and play part in another homicidal royal command performance.

Thus in one respect the pregnant Princess Di' was lucky she didn't find herself another assisted suicide case - propped up against a tree in the David Kelly Memorial Woods, wrists slashed with a blunt gardening knife (so it would hurt more) and half a pack of Co-Proximol shoved down her throat – or worse still, padlocked inside a big black North Face holdall – or a Jill Dando style Increment Unit assassin's bullet in the side of her head.

But the rabid royals have been getting away with all kinds of criminal shit since 'forever' - such as Dobby now being immune from investigation of allegations he and his raving pederast pal Savile were guilty of buggering wee boy scouts up at the deviant DJ's Glencoe (Nonceland) hideaway.

Yet such is typical of the mongrel inbred gene line of the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha psychopaths and we are mildly surprised the bat-eared Chazzer hasn't thrown another of his customary hissy fit bitch tantrums and not had (yet) James Hewitt snuffed – or tossed into some dungeon in the lower reaches of the Tower - for bonking Di' and getting her up the tub with the ginger mingin Prince Harry, aka the Royal Cuckoo.
But what the fuck did he expect of his fairytale princess bride – when he'd rather be bonking the kid's nanny, Tiggy Legge-Bourke, or rolling around in the fucking compost with old Wrinkles – the Botox-deficient Gorgonzilla Porker-Bowels.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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