Dobby’s Home-Grown ‘Duchy Originals’ Scandal

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Royal grapevine is in nuclear meltdown mode and hot to trot with reports that HRH QE2 is most definitely 'not amused' with international media reports that sons Chazzer and Andy Pandy are up to their necks in controversies – Dobby for pulling regal rank and shutting down a BBC documentary on his abuse of privilege and wife-murdering activities – while his equally moronic ill-mannered younger brother, Arrogant Andy for being named and shamed as a child sex slave abusing paedophile and getting rightfully pilloried in the gutter press Fourth Estate's tabloid pages.

Now the old baggage is going to be even more pissed off with the latest and greatest Duchy Originals scandal.

An investigation is underway by Scotland Yard's Paedo Squad following a series of tip-offs from a whistle-blowing member of Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grasser watchdog charity – who is believed to be employed as a gardener at the Prince of Wales’ 900 acre Highgrove Home Farm at Titbury in Gloucestershire – the source of the Mammon & Snobford supermarket's exorbitantly-priced ersatz organic ‘Duchy Originals’ and ‘Kosher Tucker’ lines of agricultural produce.

While a minor scandal erupted recently concerning certain Duchy fruits and vegetables being contaminated by GMO mutant Frankenfoods from a neighbouring Monsanto's Mutant Meals 'Chew n Spew' test site growing bio-fuel Triffids - due airborne cross-pollination, this freshly-exposed catalogue of wickedness, skulduggery and moral turpitude is set to prove the links of Freemasonry to kiddie fiddling Judeophiliac Satanists and child blood sacrifices - and further implicate its perverted membership of wingnut-eared Royalty, titled lords of the Second Estate, civil service mandarins, government ministers, MP’s, C of E clerics, city banksters, police officers, magistrates and judges –and Uncle Tom Cobly and all, in fact, for their individual and collective participation in these crimes.

An early morning raid at Highgrove House by the Operation Kiddie Fiddler vice squad resulted in the seizure of several personal desktop, laptop and tablet computer units plus boxes of flash drives, photographs and video recordings – all believed to contain material that breaches the statutes of the Public Decency Act of 1215 – as amended in Magna Carta – and providing a wealth of incriminating links to Chazzer's old DJ child molesting / necrophiliac mate Jimmy Savile.

Accompanied by a film crew from the Scandalmongers Gazette, the Met's Paedo Squad team, joined in body if not spirit by a very reluctant contingent of local Gloucester plods, stormed Highgrove at dawn on Saturday, and served their search warrant on an tired and over-emotional Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole and ‘current’ spouse of the uxoricidal HRH Prince Chazzer, the bat-eared Royal Plant Whisperer.

On being handed a copy of the warrant the chain-smoking troll exclaimed for the public record “Dobby's not here right now – he’s gone off up to Nonceland on some Hogmanay fling bumboy’s reunion at Gordonstoun with a bunch of his Hooray Henry and Shylock pals – another of those Freemason Speculative Society paedo-ponce brethren shindig things, I suppose."
"Any of you blokes up for a gin and tonic or a quick shag while you're here? I do suck and swallow – and take it up the arse if anyone’s interested.”

The seized pc units and video recordings have so far revealed 5,000-plus images of establishment worthies, media celebrities and BBC DJs, most garbed in their Masonic aprons and engaged in perverted sexual acts with underage boys sequestered from local orphanages – along with zoophilia displays involving Welsh corgis and sheep garbed in Victoria’s Secret erotic lingerie and foliage plucked from the exotic house plants in the Highgrove conservatory.

Det Supt Harry Bogbrush told the media “Some of this stuff is an effin’ disgrace an’ the RSPCA will be interviewin' several well-known public figures over the next few days concernin' their active participation in the banned practice of ‘mutton fisting’ – wot ter my mind constitutes an outrage of public decency – apart from causing the abused sheep ter walk funny after.”

“Then we have this onanism fetish thingy involvin’ masturbatin’ over exotic house plants – an' we’re just waitin’ for the DNA comparison results here before we press charges since determinin’ that the sticky white substances on the Venus Flytraps definitely isn’t mayonnaise.”
"We might not have bin' able ter collar Big ears fer havin' our People's Princess murdered so he could marry this rock ape Porker Bowels woman so I'm gonna have the twat for paedo porn a'n passin' this genetically modified fruit an' veggie crap off as 'organic' Duchy Originals."

Rumours that seized pc files have revealed video footage of an inebriated Prince Dobby wagging his erect member – specially clipped by the Chief Mohel of London, Rabbi Ja'ackoff Snipcock - before the camera and calling out “How’s this for a Duchy Original?” - then sodomising one of his mother’s corgis while dressed in a black corset – remain unsubstantiated.

Conversely, being a nigh-on ‘senior’ member of Britain’s most dysfunctional family (even worse than Shameless) the Prince is heir apparent to the throne of England and could well end up as our next King if QE2 / Bizzy Lizzie pops her clogs. Heaven forbid – or help us all.

This is a man who spends time talking with his vegetable plot’s residents (carrots, lettuce etc) and once admitted to cuckolding his first wife (the one that got murdered by MI5’s Increment assassins in Paris) by rollocking around bollock naked in the compost heap with the gross adulteress Gorgonzilla – the 21st Century Botox-deficient model for harpies and scarecrows.

Our future King – who fantasises being a tampon shoved up Gorgonzilla’s ginger-mingin’ gash – a fate worse than death to even contemplate – and most definitely an individual whose ancestor’s centuries of incessant inter-breeding has not augmented well for the gene pool and should be sectioned under the Mental Health Act.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.