Friday, 27 November 2009

White House Party Gate Crashed by ‘Vulgarians’

US Secret Service agents today refused to be interviewed by Jacko McScrunt, - the Scallies and Yobs page columnist for the International Daily Shitraker - who was investigating reports that a couple of scumbag social climbers trespassed last night's state dinner at the White House - with the SS office simply issuing the singular dismissive statement that the matter was ‘secret’.

However Treasury Agent Billy Bob Weaselberg III clarified the situation and informed Fux News “Hey, if our agents start talking to you blabbermouths from the media then the Secret Service ain’t gonna be secret any more, now is it huh?”

Conversely one Mexican waiter (Carlos Frijoles) from Wetback Catering Services, who was attending tables at the state dinner honouring Indian Prime Minister Manhole Singed and his landmark decision to ignore US and NATO military incursions into Kashmir and Pakistan in return for Slackwater / Xe mercenaries not targeting him for assassination, spoke to the media on conditions of anonymity – plus a handful of $20 bills and a genuine green card.

The confidential source claims that a celebrity socialite wannabe man and wife team, Tareq and Chlamydia Salahi, gate-crashed the official reception and barged in shaking hands, handing out business cards and attempting to ‘network’ with the myriad of famous political and business faces.

The pair of nouveau riche vulgarians had apparently gained access to the East Room cocktail reception by concealing themselves amongst the musical instruments and sound equipment trucked in for the party’s ethnic entertainment band, especially flown in from the poxy Punjab – Dodo and his Dodgy Dacoits.

The media is now in possession of leaked CCTV footage of the reception which clearly shows Tareq Salahi, a self-outed Polo mint addict who once sued his own mother, dishing out sample miniature bottles of plonk from his Chateaux de Piss vineyard in North Dakota while his high maintenance asset trophy slut wife Chlamydia - a former masseuse at Soggy Bottom’s Rug and Tug Happy Ending Massage Salon – posed for photographers alongside various Ivy League closet homo’s representing the Rockefeller Foundation.

Chlamydia, who won Nashville’s prestigious Miss Tennessee Trailer Trash Slut award in 1998 after turning bottle blonde – and a few tricks – went on to take first place in the 2001 Miss Bourgeoisie Philistine competition – following which Vanity Fair described the gold-digging slapper as ‘having her head so far up her own arse it’s a wonder she can still breath’.

Tareq Salahi, regarded by business associates as that ‘dingbat in an Oxford shirt and Y-fronts’, was a regular habitué of the Soggy Bottom red light district and proposed to Chlamydia after a whirlwind romance lasting two hours, then flying off to Vegas to marry her the next day after she promised him a three-hole matrimonial surprise.

Social acquaintances were of the unanimous opinion that the pair had the collective personalities of a chemotherapy ward and it came as no surprise the dodgy duo had actually gate crashed a White House state dinner – the photos of which were boastfully pasted right across their joint Facebook webpage the following morning.

One rumour circulating inside the Beltway claims the shameless couple made off with various ‘souvenirs’ after they managed to sneak into the Oval Office and photographed each other sitting in the Boss’s chair – then rooted through the desk drawers – since which the President’s US birth certificate has been reported missing.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic : a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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