Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Man Dressed as Sheep Barbequed

A tartan-clad football hooligan is due to appear in court today to face charges concerning an incident in which an Aberdeen Woolybacks team soccer fan wearing a ‘black sheep’ Halloween fancy dress costume suffered second degree burns after being set on fire.

The 94-year-old Aberdeen side supporter, Duncan Lamb, originally of Shepherds Bush, suffered serious scorching while on a train returning from Edinburgh after last Saturday's football match between the Hibernian Psychos and the Aberdeen Woolybacks.

Several other persons also suffered minor burns in the incident which occurred on Saturday evening, when the fan's black sheep Halloween costume caught fire after being doused with whiskey and a cigarette stubbed out on it.

Aberdeen fans told a reporter from the Pyromaniacs Gazette that Mr. Lamb ran ablaze through the train’s carriages screaming “Fer fuck’s sake – beam me up Scotty!”- as other supporters threw beer and pissed on him to douse the flames.
It is understood a significant number of the fans at the match and on the train – known colloquially as ‘The Flock’ - were dressed as sheep.

The train – the 18:08 hours RattleTrack cross-country service – was forced to make an emergency stop just outside Scallydale to allow firemen and ambulance staff to board.

British Transport Police informed Fux News that a 16-year-old youth – a certain Ghengis McTwat – was arrested and is due to appear before the Scallydale Sheriff’s Court this morning to answer the DPP charges - filed by the RSPCA - of ‘aggravated ovine arson’.

According to other members of ‘The Flock’, the teenage McTwat – a renowned trouble-maker and chronic porridge addict – espied Lamb prancing around the train carriage aisle then spat a huge mouthful of Headbanger first malt whiskey down Lamb’s back and stubbed his cigarette out on the inflammable patch as he passed, causing the woolly fancy dress costume to burst into flames – with McTwat subsequently declaring “See you get barbequed Jimmy!”

Mr. Lamb was taken to the Aires Veterinarians Hospital in Scallydale for medical treatment, where he remained last night. His condition this morning was described by attending doctors as ‘medium rare to well done’.

No comments: