Chinese Politburo Hit Paranoid High

The day prior to the kick-off of September’s Melbourne International Film Festival its executive director Bluey McBruce received a most bellicose telephone call from a certain Mr Flip Flop Fong – the senior official at the Chinese consulate in the city.

Fong, in no uncertain terms, ordered Mr. McBruce to withdraw a short, but concise, documentary spotlighting the privations and travails suffered by the Chinese human rights and wrongs activist Sue Doku under the jackboot rule of the Beijing Bullies – with the closing threat of “Lose the film - or else!”

Last July Beijing’s bungling bureaucrats attempted to coerce the organisers of the UK’s prestigious annual Smegmadale Book Fair to bar the radical Chinese author Tic Tac Toe from attending and speaking at the event about how his right foot was squashed by an army tank at the Tiananmen Square demonstrations in 1989 – and how he has since been imprisoned for teaching the meditative art of Falun Gong.

Book Fair manager Jacko McTwat told Fux News “I gets this letter from some cultural attaché dildo called Dim Sum Dong at the Chinese Embassy in London an’ he tells me in it – all arrogant like an’ full of intimidatin’ threats – “Read this, Tremble and Obey!” – worded like one of those scary edicts written by some despotic 5th Century Wang Dynasty Emperor.”

“Anyway he’s demandin’ we bump old Tic Tac off the speaker’s agenda an’ if we don’t he sorta implies there might a few nasty accidents occurrin' – so I gets on the phone an’ told him straight – ‘Go an’ get f*cked yer dog-eatin’ tosser!’ – an’ that was the day before our expo venue buildin’ caught fire and shagged the whole book fair up good an’ proper.”

Conversely the CPR’s official Politburo spokesman Mr Sum Dum Fuk yesterday stated for the record that the government of the People’s Communist Utopia of China does not interfere in the internal affairs of other countries – apart from the frequent occasions when disaffected and marginalised expatriate nationals go into truth-telling mode and spout off to the foreign media that China isn’t quite the proletariat paradise and Shangri-La that Beijing’s ruling Mandarins like to make it out to be.

Many Western political and cultural analysts view these acts as an attempt by the totalitarian state’s fascist reprovers to apply abroad the draconic censorship measures it constantly employs at home against anti-government protesters – which they class as mentally disturbed ‘agitators’ and ‘seditionists’.

The London-based expat Chinese national, Kun Kare Less, a dissident and activist who now campaigns for better rights for the basket-case nation’s Uighur minority – hosts a radio talk show and recently interviewed Ms. Yu Wan Gam, sister of radical student protester Ms. Yu Wan Wank.

Ms Wank was recently sentenced to five years hard labour at a re-education camp in Tibet for mentioning the banned government ‘none words’ of ‘Freedom of Speech’ and ‘Democracy’ at a Beijing University student union meeting.

Kun Kare Less too was targeted by Beijing’s black propaganda agents earlier this year when he joked during one radio broadcast that the ruling geriatric Politburo members were so old and senile they could be seen to be actually decomposing while sat in conclave in the Great Hall of the People debating on what stupid paranoid laws to pass next.

Obviously the Politburo suffered a massive sense of humour failure concerning Kun’s remarks as he received a most intimidating picture post card in the following day’s mail informing him his Nanking-based 92-year old grandma had been arrested on suspicion of terrorist activities against the State and was being held in the local Smiley Face Transplant Organ Donor Prison to await trail and sentencing.