Medvedev’s Russia a Business Basket Case

The once-proud and imperial Russian realm of the corrupt and inept Tsars has now turned into a "criminal state", according to a top UK financial whiz and investor who until recently did business with the country’s leading criminals.

Ghengis McTwatte CEO of the Scandalsky Capital group was reacting to the news that his lawyer had died in prison in Russia after nailing his own head and pelvis to the cell door – an act described by one warden as the most determined case of suicide he had ever witnessed.

However, in an interview with the Daily Shitraker, McTwatte claimed that his lawyer, Sergei Villainovsky, had effectively been "held hostage by the powers that be – corrupt state police officials – and murdered when their demands for control of the Scandalsky Capital group’s Russian-based companies was not signed over to their appointees.

Conversely Sergeant Igor Scallyovich, a spokesman for Moscow’s Homicide Squad, informed Fux News they will commence investigating Mr Villainovsky's death once the autopsy report is submitted – after Christmas.

In 2005 Mr McTwatte was declared ‘persona non grata’ by the Russian state police apparatus due being assessed as a threat to national security after he complained to the Ministry for Graft and Corruption that certain bureaucratic elements in government were demanding excessive amounts in bribes to facilitate business permits and licences which far exceeded the normal rate of inflation.

McTwatte claims he was singled out and punished - then deported - for being a threat to greedy politicians and bureaucrats.
Since then, a number of McTwatte's associates in Russia - as well as lawyers acting for his company - have been detained, beaten and robbed – then snuffed.

The circumstances surrounding Sergei Villainovsky’s ‘suicide’ have caused McTwatte to question his attitude to doing business with Russia under Vlad the Impaler Putin’s reign - firstly as President and now PM.

"When Putin took over from Bonkers Boris Yeltsin he declared he was going to kick some dodgy oligarch arses big time and grab back the fire sale acquisitions that pisspot Boris had signed away to them for chicken feed - but all he did was chase zillionaires like Oleg Mobsaroubles and Yuri Felonovich into exile then appointed his KGB thug mates to run the corporations in their place.”

“Doing business with these morons is a game of real Russian roulette – only they’re holding the effin’ gun an' there's a live round in every chamber.”

The investigative committee for the Prosecutor's office informed one reporter from the Foot Draggers Review they will be conducting a full investigation in the death to coincide with the police investigation – scheduled to kick off early in the New Year – around Easter.

Moscow Investigative Committee chief, Anatoly Thuginsky told the media “While we could initially see a clear justification for starting a criminal investigation due the fact that Attortney Villainovsky’s head had been nailed to the door from behind we have since been informed by reliable prison medical authorities that he was a double-jointed contortionist so he probably snuffed himself in that manner just to make it look like homicide and stir up trouble in the conspiracy theory camp.”