Sunday, 15 November 2009

Intel Gives Shylock's Sabbath the Big Finger

Seymour Weaselberg, the Jerusalem-based official spokesman for the radical Ultra- Orthodox Jewish website told Fux News “These heathen goyim are rubbing our noses in their Gentile bacon soup – working on Saturday – Jehovah’s day of rest when He gets to stay in bed until lunchtime and only eats cold manna, milk and honey.”

Ultra-Orthodox Jews in Jerusalem have protested outside the offices of the US firm, Intel, against the plant operating on the Jewish Sabbath – even though it is staffed – on Saturdays – by non-Jewish types – mainly Israel’s marginalised Palestinian Muslim and Christian minorities.

The demonstrators chanted "Shabby! Shabby!" - a Yiddish word which means – in English - ‘not very good’.

Intel, the world's largest manufacturer of ‘chips’, ringed its offices, factory plant and potato crops with barbed wire, land mines and IED robotic pit bull terriers prior to the protest led by a legion of rabid Rabbis and the chart-busting pop group ‘Moses and the Big Noses’– however there were no reports of violence – apart from the usual thousand or so killed in nearby Gaza.

Ultra-Orthodox Jews have recently held a series of such protests across Israel and especially around the West Bank where Jewish workers and IDF troops have defied the Sabbath’s laws and continued demolishing Palestinian homes and bulldozing their crops even on a Saturday - in direct contravention of Talmudic Law.

More than 1,000,000 people took part in Saturday's rally – which was described by a reporter from the Hypocrites Gazette as ‘quite impressive – alike a Biblical multitude gathered to watch the latest false Messiah get crucified.

The Intel plant protest was staged after talks between management company ‘Spuds_R_Us and Jerusalem's ultra-orthodox Jewish leaders broke down earlier this week when word was leaked from the rumour mill that Intel were using non-kosher pig lard in the preparation of their ‘chips’.

Intel’s ‘Spuds’ rep’ told Pox News “What the fuck is it with these hairies with their poofter kiss curls, Amish hats and funeral director coats? We don’t protest when they work on Sundays – which is our Sabbath.”

Conversely the ultra-orthodox Rabbi Sheldon Scumstein recently had no problems in accepting the fact that it was okay for ER medical staff at Jerusalem’s Mount Armageddon Hospital to work on the Sabbath when he was admitted for emergency surgery to treat complications with his ingrowing foreskin condition.

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