Thursday, 8 October 2009

Personalised Plates Hit for Homophobia

A score of "offensive" vehicle registration plates have been withdrawn from a Smegmashire DVLA auction as they might well fall under the politically-incorrect categories of ‘homophobic’, ‘sexist’, racist’ or ‘anarchist’ and breach one or another of the new European Fascist Federation’s legion of Prohibited 666 Offences Act 2009 laws.

The plates F4 GOT and D1 KES, which bear resemblance to the derogatory terms ‘faggot’ and ‘dykes’, were due to go under the hammer at the Smegmadale-on-Sea auction.

The Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) spokeswoman Fellattia van der Gobble told Pox News “We have been forced to remove the registration plates on grounds of ‘the clear potential offence’ factor according to the EU’s latest Big Brother dictates.””Seriously, it’s not a sick joke – this is the way it’s going now the Treaty of Lisbon’s been ratified. Blame the numpty Irish for voting ‘Yes’ – not me.”

Rupert Fuctifino, spokesperson for the gay rights group Shirtlifters, told one reporter from the Buttholers Gazette that such action by public authorities helped to make Britain "more equal" and a better and safer place for fudge-rooting poofters and those females of the ‘Sapphic’ persuasion.

The personalised vehicle registration plates were due to be among 1,600 plates auctioned later this week – with each of the private plates having a reserve price of £900.

Past auctions have seen prices skyrocket from the DVLA reserve to thousands of pounds - with some hitting six-figure sums when opposing corporate or mad-dog nouveau riche shit-for-brains celebrities bid against each other for their very own personalised plate to stick on the front and aft ends of their ride.

UK-based Saudi Arabian Sheikh Well Before Using - who owns the goat and camel grazing rights to every hotel foyer carpet across the Gulf region - last year paid £250,000 at a DVLA auction for a plate to adorn his one-off armour-plated Aston Martin Vanquish thirty-seater limousine – R4G HED 1.

UK nightclub circuit stand-up comedian and all-round career fat git Jacko McTwat paid a whopping £85,000 for the plate CHU88Y which previously belonged to motor-mouthed couch potato and celebrity lard arse - US Prattle Show hostess Oprah Windfarm - who changed to a SK1N NY plate after completing her latest fad Auschwitz Diet supplemented with a course of chemotherapy – and shed half a ton of unwanted blubber and cellulite.

Likewise celebrity girl band ‘Slappers’ had their agent go overboard and fork out £120,000 for a plate for their Winnebago Vectra touring bus – D1L D0S - obviously a group of gals not too bothered about the lesbian connotations.

Further plates removed from the forthcoming auction after being judged to perhaps cause offence to some paranoid marginalized segment of human society’s sensibilities were APE69T; SH1T ONU; PEN15 9; BOQB5; W4NK ERS; N1G N0G; PUK 1NG; SH4G B4G and FUK U2.

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