Jukebox Politician Bribed by Ukraine Oligarch

Tony Bliar, the firm favourite of his brown-nosing lackeys and stooges to become Europe’s first president now the numpty Irish have ratified the dodgy Treaty of Lisbon, is once again mired in scandal and stands accused of accepting millions of pounds in bribes from a Russian rhubarb zillionaire campaigning for the Banana Republic of the Ukraine to join the European Union.

Yuri Mobsaroubles - the crooked ex-KGB oligarch who got rich by marrying the former President's daughter and cornering control of the country’s high grade custard mines - is championing the country’s bid for EU membership for his own venal ends, has already hired Rupert Throt-Nott, the former Labour Minister for Corruption, to press his case around Europe.

He reportedly paid ex-Labour PM and Anti-Christ Tony Bliar a wheelbarrow full of tax-free dollar bills into his numbered Swiss bank account to give a keynote speech in the Ukrainian capital of Kiev recently and pull a few influence peddling stunts around Brussels with his dodgy deviant mate Lord Peter Scandalson.

Ukrainian diplomats are preparing to launch a membership bid as early as next year and consider Bliar a key ally that can give their petition a right regal nod if he’s appointed to the EU Presidency.
Mobsaroubles informed a reporter from the Graft & Corruption Review “Bliar’s an ideal choice – him and his money-grasping wife are so slimey and dishonest – he’ll do anything for a few quid – apart from tell the truth.”

Several European countries support closer economic ties with Ukraine but have not directly backed a bid. Some, including Germany, are concerned that if the Ukraine is permitted to join the EU then they will flood Europe with cheap rhubarb – and custard - products from Mobsarouble’s zillion hectare fields of the crop and adversely affect the Federation’s base rhubarb price – bankrupting German farmers in the process.

Bliar’s commercial activities and links to key business figures such as the dodgy Mobsaroubles will come under severe scrutiny and criticism in any campaign he and his cronys launch to secure him the EU presidency.

The details of the role and contract of employment for the presidency are expected to be discussed by Gordon ‘Cyclops’ Brown and other EU leaders this month – with certain wits already joking that persons with war crimes charges hanging over their heads should be automatically verboten from assuming candidacy.

Mobsaroubles founded and bankrolled the Yuri's Ukraine Korporation (YUK) campaign for Ukraine to join the EU so he could dominate the entire European rhubarb and custard markets.
The former Labour Minister for Corruption - Rupert Throt-Nott – has now been appointed chairman of the YUK board of directors along with celebrity inventors Wallace and Gromit.

Blair attended the annual YUK board meeting in the Ukrainian city of Yalta in 2008, giving the main speech – for which he was reportedly rewarded with five million quidsworth of Monbsaroubles ‘Russ-Barb Korporation’ shares.

Bliar also attended an event sponsored by the influence-buying Mobsaroubles at the Davos summit in Switzerland earlier this year, along with Microslop boss Billy Bob Gates, Sir Richard Branson Pickle and the priapic Artful Draft Dodger himself - Bill Clinton – there representing the Arkansas Mena Mafia.

Bliar’s claims that he was not paid to attend this event drew rounds of raucous laughter from news hacks who commented that if he didn’t get paid he wouldn’t have shown up.

Jarvic Scrunt, financial corespondent for the Insolvency Gazette, opined “Tony’s not such a bad bloke for a jukebox politician – you stick a few coins in and he plays any tune you like.”
“Just remember not to believe anything he says and check your fingers are all still there if you’re unfortunate enough to shake hands with him.”

Rumours that Tibet is also pushing a bid to break away from big bully boy neighbour – the People Communist Utopia of China – and join the EU remain – as of going to press – unsubstantiated.