Idiotic India Goes on Wicked Witch Hunt

A small coven of women were paraded naked, beaten with sticks of rhubarb and forced to eat human excrement by superstitious villagers after being branded as witches in India's remote northern Moronland province.

Police chief Ramjam Jaffacake told a reporter from the Ducking Stool Gazette that the victims were Muslim widows who had been labelled as witches by a local Hindu fakir – Ragtat Gaga - after he saw them riding broomsticks and fornicating with a ‘man-goat’ in a dream the previous night.

Gaga alerted the local ‘Witchiepoo squad’ and identified five women from the village as being witches who practised sorcery and brought ‘miseries’ to the area – such as repeat television broadcasts of the X-Factor and Big Brother.
The incident occurred on Sunday at a remote village in the isolated Donger district.

Media correspondents say the abuse of women who are branded as witches is common, but digicam footage of the incident posted on YouTube has caused outrage across India – and with the US-Salem-based International Federation of Witches condemning their persecution.

Hundreds of women have been targeted and killed across the basket case sub-continent over the past few years because their brain-dead neighbours believed they were witches solely due the fact they had the odd wart.

However the learned opinions of certain sociologists and police investigators indicate that while superstitious beliefs are behind some of these frenzied mob attacks – normally aimed at single women – and especially so widows – they are being falsely targeted as witches to provide an excuse for greedy grasping villagers to steal their land and property.

One Delhi-based women’s support group – Black Cats and Broomsticks - claim local priests, tribal chiefs or avaricious relatives declare widows or divorcees to be witches so they can take control of their property – and in most cases reports are not made to the police as they too are involved in the crooked land-grabbing scams.

Earlier this year a visiting theatrical troupe – the Samarkand Shakespeare Players – were rehearsing their planned staging of Macbeth in Shitbag Pradesh province when a mob of unwashed peasants - led by the local ganga-fuelled Sadhu holy man – stormed the production and dragged away the three witches – one of which was a Balucchi transvestite – tied them together in a field - covered in hay and doused with kerosene – then set them on fire.

The initial connived police report claimed the local villagers were angered at the Scots-themed 'Tartan and Haggis' production as they wanted to see Romeo and Juliet.