Thursday, 1 October 2009

EU Big Brother to Microchip All UK Pets

Now even dogs and cats – and likewise all British household pets – from the cuddly furry to the feathery plumaged to piscine and reptilian scaly - cannot escape the clutches of the Orwellian surveillance state.

Under EU plans being implemented by the totally paranoid New Labour administration all UK pets will have to be fitted with a microchip containing their owner’s name and address, phone number and credit card details – including the four-digit pin.

In addition the EU Brussels and UK national Big Brother 666 databases will hold details of all pets in the country, including their breed, age and state of health.
Owners who fail to have their local vet insert a microchip containing a unique barcode will face a fine and possibly forefeit the right to keep their dog or cat, budgie or pigeons; Koi carp, goldfish or iguana - or hamster or ferrets.

But the New Labour Business Secretary, Lord Peter Scandalson, maintains the policy – apart from generating billions of pounds in extra government revenues – will deter the common peasants from buying pets they do not look after properly and further curb the number of stray domestic animals roaming the streets, turning rabid and attacking Police Community Support Officers as per a recent incidence in Smegmadale-on-Sea where a pair of career clot Community Enforcement Officers (Traffic Wardens) were savaged and left for dead by a marauding pack of ferocious feral hamsters after the hapless pair fired their Tasers and a burst of pepper spray into their midst..

Sir Ghengis McTwat, Minister for Total Control, told a reporter from the Fascist Gazette the new ‘Spy State’ microchip, which is inserted under the skin, usually at the scruff of the neck, is also intended to help stop the burgeoning trade in gerbils being stolen for their sought-after pelts - and to monitor the unauthorised flights of carrier pigeons and racing cormorants being used to smuggle hard drugs.

Recently legislated EU Fascist Federation regulations further mandate that pet DNA samples are obtained and kept on the new National 666 Central Database to identify offenders who take their pets – mainly aimed at dog owners - out for a stroll and don’t ‘bag the crap’ when Fido or Towser fouls the public walkways after a gutful of ‘Woffie Chunks in a Rich Vindaloo Sauce’ – a crime which will henceforth carry fines of up to £5,000 – per dog turd dropped / square metre splattered.

No comments: