Thursday, 23 January 2014

Tory Mindset Arrogance Strikes Again

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Looking to all intents and purposes as being a couple of shots short on her last Botox treatment – or suffering from the after-effects of too much snort and gin, Tory Party broomstick merchant ‘Eggwina’ Cohen Currie Jones has provoked a wave of outrage in an interview with the Gobshites Gazette for her crude and outrageous generalisation insult - that people living below the welfare benefits / deprived poverty line who use food banks waste their money on tattoos and dog food for their ubiquitous baby-biting pit bull terriers.

Slurrie’s derisive comments, demonising the poor, come as statistics just released by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money reveal that more than a million Britons, a third of them children, had to turn to the Oliver Twist food banks chain last Christmas for a spot of festive cheer nourishment - thanks to Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society / ‘We’re all in this together’ austerity measures being enforced on the residents of the country’s ‘Benefits Streets’ by the privileged likes of the train fare dodging scumbag Chancellor Georgie Osborne and the equally obnoxious Minister for Social Misery, Iain Dunkin Shit – a sub-human slug who takes a special sick schadenfreude enjoyment in telling the poor and needy that ‘sympathy’ can be found in the dictionary – somewhere between ‘shit’ and ‘syphilis’.

Speaking on Radio Knobhead’s ‘Scatbag Hour’ programme in Whalley Bridge on Monday, the 67-year-old piranha-fanged Currie pontificated “For the life of me I can’t see how giving someone a couple of packets of Pol Pot Insta-Noodles when they’re suffering from mental illness or have massive credit card or mortgage debts is going to solve their problems.”
“These unemployed layabouts who’ve been rightly chucked out of their houses for not paying their mortgages need to be asking themselves ’How the fuck have I ended up living on a landfill site with no postal address?’ – and ‘Do I hang on and try to wait until all these EU economic migrants get kicked out and free up some job vacancies or simply do the right thing and commit suicide?’

Conversely, regardless of Currie’s misinformed bluster, research exposes the fact that the number of people falling below basic living standards had doubled over the past 30 years – thanks to the criminal mismanagement of Britain’s industrial base and economy by a succession of equally useless Labour and Tory governments.

In a critical response to Currie’s unsolicited public outburst, Lord Dinsdale Figg-Newton, chairman of the Auschwitz Calorie Control Trust which runs 400 UK food banks, informed gutter press hacks that “Once again Edwina Currie proves she’s totally divorced from reality and needs to engage brain before opening her big mouth and making these outrageous generalisations, as the burgeoning pressure on our system is due to the chaotic state of the welfare benefits system, thanks to this clown Iain Dunkin Shit.”

“This is so typical of the ‘Them and Us’ chutzpah syndrome that marks these Tory scumsters like some congenital defect – especially so those who have been the recipients of a mega-bucks tax-payer funded House of Conmans salary plus expenses ‘and’ cop a Parliamentary pension – just like Mrs Currie.”

“She needs to take a long look in the mirror before starting on the flaws and faults that affect the rest of Broken Britain’s sick society – what with the pulp novels she scribbles for the Dandy and Beano and ‘Eggwina’s Diaries’ – chocker full of salacious content and sordid tales of suck n swallow blow jobs and sodomy during her adulterous affair with the limp-wristed John Major who was still wed to Norma Shagstaff at the time – and the poor woman wholly unaware of the three-hole rampant sex games going on in the cabinet office – alongside Sir Peter Morrison’s after-hours kiddie fiddling - when Maggie’s back was turned - then post-facto shamelessly pens a diary entry entitled ‘I’ve bonked the PM to be’.”

“Really, the woman has the adulterous morals of a sewer rat, cuckolding her husband and fucking her way into a cabinet promotion by dropping her kex for the future PM - which reveals a lot regarding Major’s lack of taste in women – or her’s in men.”

Another stellar example of the ginger-mingin Eggwina’s ego surpassing intellect and failing to engage brain before opening her gob were the super-clangers dropped as Health Minister - that good Christian people don’t get AIDS - that old people who couldn't afford their heating bills should keep knitting and wrap up warm in winter - and that unwashed Northerners died from ‘ignorance and chips.’

Christened ‘Eggwina’ by the Daily Shitraker for personally crashing the UK’s egg marketing industry due falsely claiming all British eggs were stricken with salmonella – thanks to the chickens eating infected ‘salmon’ – which resulted in the unnecessary culling of zillions of otherwise healthy clucks – then the same gutter press tabloid labelling her ‘the vilest slut in Britain’ - an article which raked her in a tax-free £30,000 quid in libel compo.

Thought for the day. Eggwina Currie’s mindless dribble besides, we have the self-same Tory arrogance publicly broadcast by the likes of the perpetual blonde moment sleazebag Esther McVey, Minister for Gimps with Limps at Iain Dunkin Shit’s DWP dominion, courting controversy yet again with her gobshite remarks to unemployed youngsters (1:2 million aged between 16 to 25), stating for the public record that they need to get off their arses and go work in Costa Coffee and start from the bottom, then work their way up – as not everyone can fuck their way into a top job by opening their legs and sucking cock.

Hmmm, so much for McVey’s finger on the pulse with these sweeping statements and one size fits all stale rhetoric. Last year in excess of 1,700 people applied for eight jobs at a new Costa Coffee shop in Nottingham, which paid a measly below living wage of £6.10 quid an hour. Xenophobic rumour has it that like KFC and McD’s chew n spew you can’t get served in there unless you speak Polish – or some other eastern European / Balkans pikey or gyppo dialect.

Alas, all so reminiscent of that raving homophobe - the infamous ‘Chingford Skinhead’ - Norman ‘Skeletor’ Tebbit’s 'on yer fuckin’ bike' slogan to jobless Brits following Slaggie Twatcher’s menopausal madness-inspired deindustrialisation war of attrition on the unions and miners when half the common herd were out of collar.

Of course, unqualified arrogance and bullshit rhetoric are not only confined to the ‘triumvirate of evil’ major political parties that lord it over Broken Britain’s common herd with such egoistic contempt, but too the money-grubbing ‘for profit’ private sector shitbags and energy barons who worship before the altar of their god of greed - Mammon.

The overpaid (£450,000 p/a + £150,000 bonus) chief executive of foreign-owned (Kraut) Npower gas and electricity supplier, Paul Massara - himself a turncoat Brit’ cum snap-frozen Yank travelling on a Canuck passport - yesterday made a pathetic attempt to shift the scapegoat criticism and blame for higher energy charges from the industry’s oligopoly onto the Government.

The fatcat Massara claims power bills are so high due the sad state of Broken Britain’s old and draughty houses wasting so much energy – which obviously includes the thousands of homes with their downstairs areas still under a couple of foot of rain water – due the fact they were built on riverine flood plains thanks to decades of crooked complicity between corrupt government officials and housing development lobbyists.

Hmmm, the likes of Eggwina, McVey, Tebbit, Iain Dunkin Shit and Massara view the lowly ‘useless eater’ ranks of humanity through a most narrow aperture and with calculated disdain, and should be struck from the rolls that bear testament to the passage of human existence.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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