British Plods Out of Control

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Gloucestershire’s Police & Crime Commissioner Martin Squirly has called for swift action in the wake of a scandalous incident where a Plod Squad sergeant was filmed threatening Dinsdale Figg-Newton, an amateur news photographer, with premeditated violence and promising to make his life a 'living hell’ at the aftermath scene of a road accident which the aforesaid photographer was not an involved party to.

The sergeant, who gave a false name and I/D number as Wallace McGromit -#666 on the video of the incident, threatened the 26 year old cameraman with the words “Yer lucky I don’t pull the Tomlinson Manoeuvre on yer an’ put the effin’ boot in fer good measure, yer wee sassenach twat.”

The offending officer, being equipped with the IQ of a small potted plant and too stupid to realise he was being recorded both visually and vocally on a second camera demanded that the photos be deleted or else he would arrest Figg-Newton for obstructing a policeman in the course of his duty and ensure he was remanded in custody on drug possession charges.

PCC Squirly, himself a former plod in the Gloucestershire force, informed one press hack from the Control Freak Gazette "It appears this officer swore at a member of the public, then followed that up by saying he was lucky not to have been given a good kicking, plus threatened him with arrest and being remanded in custody – where he’d get sodomised on a daily basis by hardened jailbirds bent on a sphincter stretching gang-bang mission.”

Gloucestershire Chief Constable Suzette ‘Catweazle’ Davenport also spoke with media hacks and opined that "I appreciate the work of the police can be the shits at times, but officers should not go round threatening white members of the public without good reason – and especially not letting slip that Her Majesty’s Prisons are a bumboy’s paradise.”

The offending Plod Squad Sergeant, Ron McTosser, a former Glasgow cormorant strangler, who can’t be identified for legal reasons – and in case some scrote decides to pop round his crib and lob a petrol bomb through the window - (#34, Scumbag Terraces, Twatwood Park, Gloucester) – has been suspended from duty on full pay and sent home on ‘gardening leave’ – even though he lives in a third floor flat – until the Independent Police Coverups Commission complete their misconduct investigation in August this year.

For the record: members of the public and media ‘do not’ need a permit to film or photograph in public places, and police - or Renta-Thug Security Agency uniformed morons - have no power to stop them filming or photographing incidents or police personnel.

So much for the boys in blue and ‘ask a policeman’. Protectors of society my arse. Of the upper echelons inbred landed gentry and royal blood mongrel nobility perhaps – but most definitely not the protectors of the common herd – they’re our fucking keepers.

Next, to add insult to injury we have an incident in High Wycombe where a PCSO drunk behind wheel of a Plod Squad vehicle pulls over a coloured car driver – colloquially referred to as a ‘darkie type’ - for smelling of cannabis.

Really, it’s a Wiley T Coyote pantomime – what a fucking shambles the Plod squad is. Renta-Thug bully boys, sadists and psychos. Control freak pondscum - the type of tosspots who used to dominate their pet hamster as kids.

Here again we have a street smart canny lad, Irfan Mehrban, using his mobile phone to film and record the incident where PCSO Andrew Pisspot signalled for the driver to stop his vehicle outside a school in High Wycombe, then called for back up when Mr Mehrban began arguing with him and said that halitosis besides he also stank of booze.

However when another squad car arrived on the scene and the officers found PCSO Pisspot staggering around like a drunk, they immediately suspected he’d been drinking and breathalysed him - finding that he was twice over the limit then arrested him instead.

Mehrban spoke to the media, relating that “I’d just turned inter me own street after pickin’ me son up from school, an’ this copper flags me down then tells me ter get outa the motor. So I asks him wot the fuck he stopped me for an’ he sez cos he could smell cannabis an’ reckoned I woz wearin’ a Semtex suicide vest – then sez I looked like one of them Jolly Jihad Muslim terrorist bomber types wot blows thing up.”

Mehrban’s 80-second video of the incident was posted on YouTube, under the fitting title of ‘The Absolute Definition of Justice' - where it’s clocked up more than 5,000,000 hits.

Meanwhile, to further serve to revile the voting public’s opinion of this unaccountable tax-payer funded Plod Squad that strut arrogantly around in their Action Man stab vests with more crap hanging off their utility belts than Batman and Robin combined, we have a most unsafe majority verdict rendered by an eight from ten jury attending the Mark Duggan murder inquest - the 29-year-old local anti-Christ shot dead by armed officers in August 2011 in Tottenham.

The fuckwit jury returned a decision that it was ‘more likely than not’ that Duggan had a gun and threw it away before being shot - and that statement is supposed to satisfy the ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’ factor?
Hence this ‘lawfully killed’ bullshit verdict with the majority of the jury accepting the trigger-happy plods had acted ‘within the law’. Well, if that is the case then something is very fucking wrong with ‘the law’ as nobody is ever ‘lawfully killed’ – he was summarily executed – amen.

Now we’ve got the Met’s Plod Squad Scouse Commissioner, Sir Bernard Hulk Hogan, opining to gutter press hacks that "We need to do more to build trust with the British people – especially the black ones and restore confidence in our police forces.”

Well, planting guns on scallies they’ve just gunned down isn’t part of that process, Bernard.

Restore public confidence my ass. Regardless of the afore-mentioned incidents, it’s far too late for that with the litany of crimes and abuses the UK’s Plod Squad have been involved and complicit with - and guilty of – 7/7 false flag terrorist attack on British public commuters for a start – and the coverup (and probably the cause) of how many whistle-blower deaths and self-harm ‘suicides’ – with the pantomime death of Dr David Kelly presenting a stellar example of such venal complicity.

Plus the Met Plod Squad declaring war on Brazilian electricians back in 2005 on Stockwell tube station as the shit-for-brains SO19 Armed Gung Ho Unit couldn’t tell the fucking difference between a South American Catholic sparky and a Paki Muslim terrorist toting a backpack stuffed with a pantomime Toys-R-Us non-brissant black pepper and peroxide bomb.

One good piece of news that nowhere near provides the emasculation of fascist state powers we all wish for but does offset the burgeoning totalitarian clout of our control freak / panopticon surveillance society-obsessed government and police, the Lords last night shit-canned a lower House of Conmans move to pass into law the Nasty Party’s ‘Injunctions to Prevent Nuisance and Annoyance’ bill – a venal piece of legislature crafted by the Tory’s cross-dressing transvestite Home Secretary Terry Maybe.

Crossbench peer Lord Geoffrey Dear, an ex Midlands Plod Squad Chief Constable, led opposition in the name of tolerance and forbearance (and good old ‘common fucking sense’) to what he termed ‘a scam’ - to make injunctions against being ‘annoying’ legal - that anyone over the age of 10 could be served with an Ipna, which were geared to target peaceful protesters, noisy children in the street, street preachers, canvassers, carol singers, trick-or-treaters, church bell ringers, clay pigeon shooters and nudists.

Lord Dear opined to a press hack from the Whingers Weekly that “This Ipna offence bill is a piece of Stalinist work that could be used to target our youths, society’s vulnerable, such as the mentally ill, and fast track them into the criminal justice system.”
“We don’t need more laws to stamp out plurality and difference or conduct that can be categorised as causing nuisance or annoyance or offensive by those jobsworth bureaucrats on a perpetual quest for something to be offended about.”

”I will not stand to see the likes of this train wreck of a Con-Dem Coalition Dog and Pony Show pass laws that will criminalise any fucker and their dog for behaviour which a moronic local council Community Enforcement Stasi commissar decides is annoying or offensive following a complaint from some sad tosser who needs to get a life.”

As to Sergeant Ron McTosser threatening news pix taker Mr Figg-Newton with the dreaded ‘Tomlinson Manoeuvre’ – this equates with the Duggan inquest verdict – a get out of jail free card - as with that plea the Met’s Plod Squad can get away with GBH, manslaughter or murder.

Well it worked okay for PC Simon Harwood of the Met’s Bully Boy Squad after he deliberately and with malice aforethought dealt innocent passer-by Ian Tomlinson a most craven blow across the back of the legs with a telescopic steel Asp baton then shoved him violently to the pavement – for the victim to get up and stagger off – then drop dead several yards further on.

Okay, they get a slap on the wrist and hoofed out of the force – normally for a third offence – but there’s always the likes of the Serco or G4S Renta-Thug security agencies – and an erring copper can always go expatriate and work for G4S on one of their foreign deployment ventures – such as an Israeli prison – torturing Palestinian sprogs arrested and jailed without charge or trial for lobbing a couple of bricks at a Merkava battle tank and scratching the paintwork.

If Sgt McTosser or PCSO Pisspot are in need of gainful employment where references are not too big a deal, then G4S urgently require sadists for their staffing contract at Israel’s Facility 1391 detention / torture centre - overseeing David and Goliath interrogation sessions where some big hairy-arsed Israeli paedo sodomises a bunch of kids from the Gaza Strip until they admit to being linked to Hamas terrorist cells.

Or perhaps for the faint of heart there’s the Jerusalem-based Rachel Corrie Memorial Prison, along with the G4S-run Ofer, Kishon and Moskobiyyeh detention facilities at which human rights are never an issue and Palestinian prisoners invariably get released (if at all) with a kidney missing thanks to the money-spinning demands of the IDF’s transplant organ black market.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.