MPs Blow £250,000 Public Cash on Selfies

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Yep, you read it right first time around, our not-fit-for-purpose MPs have been in squander mode again and splurged some £250,000 nicker of taxpayer’s money on self-gratifying portraits.

Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron, in true Tory hypocrisy fashion, preaches ‘austerity’ to the common herd masses (that’s ‘us’ – the 99% Have Not’s) while the Downing Street Cabinet’s Behavioural Insights Team aka the ‘Nudge Unit’ working in conjunction with Common Purpose social engineering / brainwashing quanco have conjured up this Channel 4 ‘Benefits Street’ series just to show us what a bunch of scrounging welfare addict wankers are running Broken Britain even further into the ground – and all the while Posh Dave’s doling out a ripoff £90 quid-a-time for a fucking haircut - and his thatch still looks like Bert’s off Sesame Street – as though Big Bird’s been pecking at it through a chain link fence.

But £90 nicker’s sweet eff all in comparison to the £250,000 quid that’s been squandered from the public purse to fund the ultimate MP vanity project – having specially commissioned portraits of themselves painted by the UK's leading (sic) artists. Er no, not Banksy.

The gospel according to an exclusive report in today’s Daily Shitraker these include wasting £10,000 quid on a portrait of the Nasty Party’s Minister for Social Misery, Iain Dunkin Shit; a further £4,000 to preserve the warmongering pro-Zionist closet case of a Foreign Secretary Willy ‘Fudger’ Vague in oils; capped by £8,000 for a painting of the Tory Minister With Nothing To Do, Ken ‘Nonce’ Clarke - caught for posterity having a grope at Benny Fellows’ crotch.

Labour’s useless MP Diane ‘Mumbo-Jumbo’ Abbott, notorious for her forked tongue hypocrisy on a plethora of issues, also exercised her Parliamentary right to waste taxpayer’s money and commissioned a ‘topless’ portrait by Stuart Pearson Wright –which he got totally ‘Wrong’ at a cost of £11,750 quid, as a gift to her ‘spiritual mentor’ - local Stoke Newington juju man, the Very Reverend Goodluck Jaffacake.
The pic, with Abbott in dreadlocks – is, in a word, ‘dreadful’ – and looks to have been scribbed with crayons by some 6-year old – of an evil troll out of a horror comic – Gorgonzilla Strikes Again!
Topless indeed, talk about coyote ugly, if her tits are anything like her face then the extravagant cow is a real three-bagger / broomstick merchant puke job.

A slew of former Lib-Dum leaders have also been named and shamed. Lord Scabby Pantsdown had his portrait painted for £2,000 and Chazzer ‘Pisspot’ Kennedy had a piece commissioned for £6,000, while Sir Ming Vase Campbell, the People’s Marxist Utopia Party MP for Wanking, spent £10,346 on a personalised ‘child frightener’.
Lord Michael ‘Drac’ Howard, the former Transylvanian Tory leader and ‘Party Impaler’, sat for a painting worth £9,400 – daubed from the vital blood of freshly-slaughtered virgin Gyppo skangers.

Yet while the sheeple’s gutter press are set to have the tumbrels rolling by dawn and condemn MPs as a bunch of degenerates for their exaggerated sense of self-entitlement, the shit-for-brains Jacob ‘Bagpuss’ Rees-Moggy, a rather eccentric Tory MP who no fucker takes too seriously (Parliamentary bill for Somerset to have its own time zone – WTF?) and is married to zillionaire heiress Helena von Deckchair, opined to the Spendthrifts Gazette that £250,000 quid bill for the portraits of politicians is 'chicken feed'. Hmmm, like to see what the fuck his chickens eat for lunch.

Although the numb nuts Rees-Moggy might have a point if we consider that John ‘Shortarse’ Bercow, when appointed to the post of House of Conmans Speaker, lashed out hard-earned taxpayer’s funds to the extent of £22,000 quid for a 'selfie' portrait, plus a further extravagant £15,000 for a personalised coat of arms with a ladder across the centre - and four barmcakes between the rungs - to remind him of his lowly beginnings as a window cleaner and baker's delivery lad.

Ron Scrote, chief executive of the TaxPayers’ Alliance, had this to say to media hacks.
“Wot the fuck are these tossers up to, I ask yer wiv their exaggerated sense of fuckin’ entitlement? Splashin’ out four an’ five-figure sums on these portraits an’ effin’ bronze busts has the stench of extravagant vanity projects for which unwitting taxpayers are footin’ the bill. Really, why the fuck can’t the moronic twats just settle for a big photo an’ have done wiv it?”

Apparently these ego-massaging sleaze decisions on who to honour are made by a cross-party group called the Speaker’s Advisory Committee Works of Art, currently chaired by Frank Doran, the Labour Party MP for Nonceland’s kiddie fiddling capital of Aberdeen (North) constituency - who has commissioned some the country’s leading artists to paint MPs, including Graffiti Jack Scally and Croydon’s iconic One-Eyed Willy McDauber.

Hmmm, little wonder this credibility deficient government coalition is courting ridicule on a daily basis. Pity they didn’t get Anthony Gormless to knock up a few of his ‘Man Stood Doing Fuck All’ statues, they’d be more in keeping with Parliamentary activities.

Thought for the day. Now here’s a suggestion that might just be picked up by the GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / eavesdropping system’s network as a direct anarchist threat and get me on an MI5 / 22 SAS Increment crew hit list, but who gives a flying fuck.
If these ego-massaging oicks want to be preserved for posterity, then bollocks to the paintings and bronzes - how about once they croak and shed their noxious mortal coils we send them down the taxidermist’s shop and have ‘em stuffed.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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