Randy Rennard Goes for Broke

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Shameless Librarian-Dummercrat life peer Lord Christopher John Rennard of Gropers Green looks set to embark on Mission Self-Destruct by fielding a Jimmy Savile type intimidating ‘untouchable’ defence – which might look well and good in the gutter press tabloid pages following a couple of coats of quick-dry spin doctoring, but will be laid bare to the elements of ‘J’Accuse’ when exposed before a court of law with an Irish Baker’s Dozen (eleven) of very irate, offended females pointing the fickle finger of fate – all of whom simply wanted a bit of an apology – and now intend to go for broke and file official police complaints of sexual harassment against the titled porcine pervert.

Oh well, regardless of being the party’s chief executive from 2003 to 2009 and serving three leaders - Chaz ‘Pisspots’ Kennedy, Sir Ming Vase Campbell and Mick 'The Prevaricator' Clogg - we’ve had all this ‘holier than thou’ and ‘untouchable’ crap laid before us by brazen politico cronies on so many previous occasions – the likes of that other vermin in ermine scumbag Lord Peter Scandalson – along with Jeffrey Archer; Jonathan Aitken; super slimeball Neil Hamilton; the ousted Defence Sec Liam Pox; the influence-peddling Keith Vazeline - and not forgetting Chris ‘Speedy’ Huhne as a few examples – plus a swathe of expense–fiddling MPs and titled Lords and Ladies who ended up behind bars despite their denials of wrong-doing.

C’est la vie, here again in the 53-year old Rennard’s case, it is forever a problem when a delusional belief in his own socio-political importance and a bloated ego far surpass not only intellect but also common fucking sense.

Regardless of issuing a 2,600,000 word responsibility denial statement, Rennard claims to have suffered from severe stress, anxiety and depression (but definitely not weight loss) as a result of the ‘false allegations’ made by a variety of females of the species – then went one step beyond the pale in tossing his forked tongue party leader Mick Clogg a ‘mettre une quenelle’ gesture when instructed to apologise to his sexual harassment victims ‘before’ resuming his seat in Parliament’s upper chamber – quoting legal advice from his Masonic secret handshake club Polish pal, the QC Lord Alex Falik Carlile, Rennard stated he’d be putting his head on the chopping block by apologising as such would constitute an admission of guilt.

Lib-Dum Party rules state it is for peers to decide whether to bar a member, and Chief Whip Lord Newshoes has joined Lords Wallace and Gromit in agreeing with Deputy PM Mick Clogg’s demand and have likewise sanctioned Rennard’s banning.

In retaliation for Clogg thus barring him from resuming his seat in the Lords ‘as a Lib-Dum peer’ and suspending him from the party, Rennard has gone into rabid dog self-harm mode, threatening to seek a court injunction to lift his suspension - which could well result in Newton’s Third Law of Motion coming into play and his legal suit ricocheting back in the form of an opposite and equal legal action filed against him by the eleven sexually harassed and mildly molested accusers.

Fidget ‘Bomber’ Harris, a former special adviser to Mick Clogg, claims she too was a victim of sexual harassment, and has since quit the party in disgust, stating for the public record that the Lib-Dum’s end of the coalition government is an ‘absolute cock up’ and that she’d seen better organised riots.
Harris informed a gutter press hack from the Gropers Gazette “That lard-arsed tosser Rennard would sneak up behind me while I was leaning over the photocopy thingy and - ‘inappropriate touching’ be fucked - he slapped his flaccid little willy in my hand and said ‘Blow me, Fidget baby’.”

“I can no longer believe in the craven Clogg’s ability to lead the party after Rennard ignored his request to apologise to the eleven of us who made broadly credible complaints against his unsolicited sexual advances and deviant behaviour and has openly defied him by failing to fall on his own sword like a gentleman.”
“He might well have been credited as innovating the concept of ‘pavement politics’ – though I always thought that was Kier Hardy’s idea - but it does not give him the right to turn the Lib-Dum offices into his private dogging club and bring the whole party into a worse state of disrepute than when Jeremy Thorpe was involved with the Liberal’s Rinkagate ‘hitman’ end of things.”

Susan Gasmask, a 16-year old mother-of-three who helped out at the Great George Street HQ, told media hacks that “Clogg’s a right shitbag cowardy custard for not slammin’ down on randy Rennard’s disgustin’ behaviour before it got ter this scandalous state of affairs.”
“I only comes in here ter do a bit cos it beats stackin’ shelves fer fuck all at Poundland ter qualify fer me welfare benefits but I didn’t sign up fer gettin’ groped by that greasy, lard-arsed scumbag wot likes sendin’ me out ter Boots ter get his Viagra prescription refilled an’ pick him up a coupla packs of Black Mamba condoms. Rennard’s another Scouse onanist tosspot wot needs ter learn ter keep his cock in his effin’ pants.”

Have you been the victim of unwanted sexual advances - groped or otherwise sexually harassed by Lord Rennard? How about ‘inappropriate touching’ – whatever the fuck that means? Any libidinous innuendo whispered in your ear, perhaps?

Send your comments using the confidential online reply form below and you could be in line for a mega-bucks class action suit payout – courtesy of the Lib-Dum Party – when this political bloodbath takes off in the High Court and complainants start coming out of the woodwork like the hundreds of Jimbo Savile’s victims responding to the Operation Spewtree inquiry.

Within the Oxford English Dictionary’s indexed lexicon of 750,000-plus words there is none that accurately describes Rennard or his onanist condition - however it has been unanimously agreed by a coven of Lib-Dum party office trolls that the term ‘dog wanker’ comes pretty close.

(dog wanker - a mutant sub-set genus in the fuckwit / tosspot classification index of Linnaean taxonomy. Lower primate / not human / missing link).

Thought for the day. Well, that’s one in the eye for Nick Clegg and the Lib-Dum’s (read ‘Laughing Stock Party’) chances at next year’s election – doing their dirty laundry in full public view indeed.
To avoid all the political posturing and embarrassment, Cloggy should have pulled the old Liberal Thorpe / Scott solution and had randy Rennard driven out to the middle of Exmoor and terminated with extreme prejudice.

Hmmm, if things continue in the same vein then the indestructible Nigel Barrage and his UKIP gang better buy a street map of London and find out where the fuck Downing Street is exactly.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.