ISIS Ready to Launch 'Jolly Jihad Navy'

In today’s ‘Enhanced Scaremongering’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering gossip from Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, hiding under a tarp in Israel's IDF Navy Kishon Port shipyard and manning the I-Spy covert lookout desk for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Okay, here's $64,000 question: The Zionist sock puppet West claim they're bombing the living shit out of ISIS Takfiri / Daesh terrorists – (whatever the fuck they've re-branded themselves as since yesterday) – with Vlad Putrid's Russian military the only ones with any modicum of credibility where actual attacks on ISIS are concerned as the rest of the hopeless twats – US / UK / France / the Turks / Uncle Tom Cobley and all – ever seem to target are Syrian government troops, hospitals, schools – and the occasional power station.

Then we have the troubling alternative news reports that ISIS armaments and military ordnance logistics – up to and including cordon bleu halal K-rations – are being supplied by the good ole US of A (Great Satan) and any ISIS terrorist mujahideen who gets so much as a broken fingernail is medevaced out to Israel for an emergency manicure, a spot of R & R, and treated to one of the IDF's 'Fish in de Barrel' sniper courses - stood atop the rogue ZioNazi state's Great Apartheid Wall and picking off school kids inside the Gaza Strip concentration camp.

Hence regardless of bullshit Western media reports of highly successful air strikes and proclamations from every fucker and their dog that the Islamic State's operational capacity is on the ropes and ready for the final KO – and IS Caliphate head honcho Abu Bakr McMossad al-Baghdadi slashing mujihadeen salaries by 50% - they're still up n punching when the bell goes for the next round – and shipping more cut price crude oil out to Erdogan's Turkish crime state than Genel Energy (Rothshite / Çukurova Holding AS) were back in the day.

(Ed: Que? WTF? IS Caliphate / Turkey-Israel-Rothshites-Genel- Çukurova: is there a difference?)

Okay, so much for the West churning out black propaganda crap viz ISIS being 'on their last legs', this bunch of rag-arses fights on, seemingly no worse for wear. And now the gospel according to their Caliphate's de facto Raqqa capital-based Al Hayat Media Centre (IS slick new media arm) - claims they're about to try out their proverbial 'sea legs'.

Yep, you gottit – the IS Caliphate has its eyes on nothing less than a 'navy' – and this fresh line of Western-generated media bullshit is currently being backed up by none other than the Pentagon Joint Chief of Staff's Rear Admiral Hiram J Peckerhead and Broken Britain's Royal Navy / NATO-attached Vice-Admiral Clive 'Bonkers' Johnstone.

Speaking to one gutter press hack from the Tel Aviv-based Warmongers Gazette, Admiral Johnstone stated for the public record that a 'first intake' token force of mujihadeen from ISIS' 21st Sunni & Cher Brigade has been retrenched to Saudi Arabia's Ras al Tanura oil base in the Persian Gulf to be trained as navy matelots to crew a fleet of US-built (Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin) Al Sadiq-class patrol boats – all armed with four Harpoon SSM, one 76 mm OTO gun, one 20 mm Phalanx CIWS, two 20 mm guns, one 81 mm mortar, two 40 mm grenade launchers plus not overlooking the two very nasty triple 12.75 inch torpedo tubes.

Both Peckerhead and Johnstone hypothesise that an IS Navy could cut off the Atlantic in-out access of the entire Mediterranean by sinking super-tankers in the Straits of Gibraltar – and the Red Sea approaches to the Suez Canal – or even launch first wave attacks against London – up and down the Thames – or start with suicide torpedo terrorist attacks targeting rowing skiffs and pedal boats on Hyde Park's Serpentine.

Pushing the hypocrisy envelope as far as it might go before tearing apart with an most embarrassing 'rip', both these clots claim the main Western worry is the fact sophisticated Chinese and Russian naval platform weapons – such as the odd Sunburn SS-N-26 ONYX missile - might fall into their hands and enable them to target cruise liners, oil rigs, super tankers and container ships in random attacks that would add a capital T to 'Islamic Terrorism'.

Yep, tunnel vision - Chinese and Russian weapons only – nary a thought for IS 'obtaining' sophisticated US Navy weapons – such as AGM-158C LRASM or RGM-84 Harpoon missiles – or even worse still, a couple of Mk 45 nuclear-tipped torpedoes. Well, let's be honest, they get all their other weaponry from the Great Satan via Qatar, Saudi, Turkey - and the Ashkenazi Rothshite's outlaw ZioNazi state of Israel.

Hmmm, the mind boggles. So will we be seeing Jolly Roger pennants flying on their warships? Or just the IS Caliphate's black Jolly Jihad flag strewn with the white mumbo-jumbo cryptic scribbled mess they refer to as Arabic?
Pretty obvious their ratings won't be known as Limeys - or Jack Tars. How about Mohammed Tars – or Jaffar the Tar?
Hey, why the fuck not – makes as much sense as an ISIS Navy.

Carbon Credits Cap & Trade Offset Exchange (aka Global Warming / Climate Change Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration:
Disclaimer: While a hefty score of conscience-stifled rabid royals, noncing nobles, politico ponces, bent money-laundering lawyers and corruption-ridden porky plods might have become collateral 'fear and alarm' casualties and thrown into paranoid psychosis states of scandalous exposure anxiety attacks, no trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry 'felcher-friendly' sized mammals – voles, gerbils, hamsters, cavies, dwarf bunnies, ferrets and otters – or Syrian pikey refugees - were harmed in posting this insurrectionist Truthsayer epistle.

Conversely, a large number of the NSA - GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / IMSI catchers / eavesdropping / Eco-Giraffe data mining / TOR sniffing / Umbra Ultra-encrypted system’s nasty network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in EMF smog-bound Cheltenham were shocked into high anxiety states and temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the uber-racist Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office sodomite / paedo-enablers and cover-up protectors).