Tories Solve Hunger: Let Them Eat Porridge

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A class war Day of the Rope edges that bit closer and the tumbrel axles re-greased as yet another shit for brains socio-political pundit pontificates on what is good for the useless eater / malnourished / starving common herd - opening her mouth before engaging brain to unconsciously highlight the stark Them & Us disparity (more at 'chasm') blighting Broken Britain's Rich / Poor sick society.

Tory-aligned Anne Caroline Jenkin (nee Anne Slutt) - aka Baroness Jenkin of Quaker Oats - yet another 'Vermin in Ermine' class act preening fuckwit in her own right - 'and' a big pal of the late, generally despised Nasty Party PM, Slaggie 'Witchipoo' Twatcher (burn in Hell) - this week slammed the UK's poor for using food banks due the fact they were too stupid to learn how to cook.

In the wake of a major report, submitted by the All-Party Parliamentary Inquiry into Hunger in the UK, finding that since 2004 numbers of emergency food assistance providers have grown to in excess of 1,500 - including 800 food banks, Baroness Jenkin - a Tory Nasty Party member of the House of Lords and looking to be in need of a few shots of industrial strength Botox (and brain cells) opined - in her unqualified arrogance - that the dramatic increase in demand for these food banks was to be blamed on a lack of cookery skills

The pretentious Jenkin, a self-promoting dingbat who resides in a plush £1:1million nicker Kennington, south London, mansion went on to make a blunderous remark reminiscent of Marie Antoinette's similar moronic (fateful) declaration concerning the common herd and 'cake' when she told a gutter press hack from the Anorexia Gazette that "If the poor people don't have fish and chips then let them eat porridge."

"I read in one of those Big Issues that you can go into these ubiquitous Poundshop thingies that litter the High Streets in slum area towns where people vote for Labour or UKIP and pick up a couple of tins of Woof Chunks or Kit-e-Kat - or packs of Ready Brek for a quid. And if they haven't received their jobseekers allowance or benefits payment due the universal credits foul up then why not do a spot of shoplifting. Really, there's no excuse to go hungry unless these people are too stupid to learn how to cook - and too lazy to steal. "

Chris Mouldy, Chairman of the Trussell Trust, was quick to hit back at the ginger mingin Jenkin's dim-witted remarks, informing media hacks that " People come to our food bank as they don't have money to buy any grub due insufficient income - from being unemployed or fallen victim to Chancellor Osborne's 'austerity measures' or that venal little tosser of a DWP Minister, Iain Dunkin Shit slashing their welfare benefits."

"Annie Jenkin has her head up her arse as cooking skills are not the problem when people have no fucking food to cook with - and nowhere to turn under this draconian Com-Dem coalition government. For Jenkin, a Nasty Party member in the House of Lords, to blame people for their own poverty is an absolute disgrace and she should be ashamed of herself. A pity tar and feathering and scold's bridals have gone out of fashion."

Likewise Labour MP Frank McScally derided Jenkin's cockeyed and moronic observations.
"It's all a pile of old bollocks when yer come ter think about it cos the problem didn't exist under the last government - just since Posh Dave Scameron an' his zillionaire cabinet pals have got inter power an' now yer have thousands of people relyin' on these effin' foodbanks - an' the blame for this lies firmly wiv the Tories an' their Lib Dum coalition partners in crime."

"This ranga slapper Jenkin has got an effin' cheek in my opinion, traipsin' around the House of Lords an' Ladies in her effin' 'stoat coat' an' gobbin' off about folks havin' ter resort ter usin' food banks when she cops fer £300 quid a day fer simply loggin' inter the doss house Lords fer lunch - an' these brass necked peers of the realm have the brazen hubris ter kick up a stink this week an' block a scheme fer them ter cut admin' costs an' share the caterin' department wiv the House of Conmans MPs - cos they reckon they won't get the same quality of Posh Nosh champagne. Now how's that fer sheer chutzpah when they won't sup owt less than a vintage Dom Perignon 1996 or Krug 1989 wot runs at around £350 quid a bottle."

"An' while we're puttin' the boot in, let's not ferget that Mrs High an' Fuckin' Mighty Jenkin is married ter that 'slackbench' Tory twat MP fer North Essex Bernard Jenkin, wot woz caught fiddlin' a whoppin' £50,000 nicker on his expenses ter rent his sister-in-law's farmhouse usin' the second home allowance. Talk about nepotistic graft an' corruption an' keepin' it in the family. Bent twats."

Alas, Jenkin's comments come in the wake of the earlier moronic 'off planet' remarks from the equally obnoxious Tory Welfare Minister Lord David Freud earlier this year when he posited it was "very hard to know why people go to food banks".
Er, cos they're fucking hungry perhaps?

Likewise the gorping, gormless Nasty Party's Chief Whip and former Education Secretary Michael 'Pob' Gove sparked a shit storm of backlash when he said families had to use food banks as they were too thick to budget.
Well, it's a wee bit hard when you're not pulling in £67,060 quid per annum MP's salary (£134,565 for cabinet ministers like Gove) - plus generous taxpayer-funded expenses that serve to pay for country pile mansion moats being dredged and provide floating duck island pagodas for Daffy and Quackers.

On the subject of food banks being life-savers, Bev O'Skanger, a 16-year-old mother of three from Greater Manchester's Stench Hill sink or swim social housing estate, told one press hack from the Scroungers Gazette that if it wasn't for her live-in boyfriend Ron McScrote borrowing a sawn-off shotgun from their Muslim Jihadist next door neighbour and holding up the Wythenshawe Food Bank, then her family would have gone hungry last Christmas - or had to resort to eating Ronnie's pet pit bull, Gnasher.

Thought for the day. So WTF are these self-assuming elitist snobs going to brand the common herd as next we ponder, after labelling us as plebs (or is that just the Plod Squad?) - and following 'Thornberry's folly' that we are all 'white van' types? Whatever insult they toss our way next we're impervious to their sneers, as it all comes down to the fact we're the product of misgovernment and flawed policies regarding social evolution and education - and we have none other than the Nasty Party Tories to blame for de-industrialising our once sceptred isle and replacing the established prefix of 'Great' Britain with the current 'Broken'.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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