Friday, 12 December 2014

Scally Sprogs? Bring Back the Lash

In this morning’s ‘Spank or Scold Paradox' edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Once again the debate rages - but more at smoulder-splutter-smoke than blazing inferno - with the argument still short on science yet high on moral rhetoric - and childless liberal do-gooders (menopausal old bags), devoid of the rug rat rearing experience themselves, all hell bent on introducing restrictive legislation that will directly affect families with wilful children who like to push the envelope limits to the Nth degree regarding unacceptable behaviour by running amok, throwing a life crisis hissy fit or Force 8 tantrum when told to quit texting cyberpals on Twitter and eat their main course five a day veggies - or the dog gets their rhubarb crumble and custard dessert.

The UN's Inter-Families Working Group - consisting of 35 'experts' (sic) from 12 countries, with more degrees than an industrial thermometer: 21 PhDs, 7 MsCs, 9 MAs and 5 MPHs - after a full twelve month study are still unable to agree what defines 'enough' or 'too much' discipline when admonishing a child's anti-social conduct.
Simply say 'naughty' in a commanding tone - and watch them do it again - or bawl at the little fuckers in your best Sergeant Major voice - or give them a Doctor Spock slap on the wrist and risk an assault charge - or dish out a Dickensian style Wackford Squeers 'Thrash-a-Thon' with your best birch cane or riding crop - and the parameters set on drawing blood?

Tory MP Edward Timpson, Parliamentary Under Secretary of State for Children and Families, opined to a gutter press hack from the red top Martinets Gazette tabloid that "I do realise our society has perhaps evolved in the wrong direction from the strictures of the Victorian code whereby children should be seen and not heard, but where do we draw a line in the sand? Unfriend naughty children until they learn to behave or cast them out totally - ostracised and banished as they still do in Third World tribal communities - a social pariah with a neighbourhood banning order on their pointy little heads?"

"Or do we take the stricter corporal punishment route, as per some Islamic states and stone the blighters so their contemporary would-be offenders get the message loud and clear?"
"Of course we could always revert to Jersey's Haut de la Garenne child care home solution of dealing with delinquent sprogs - send them off for a sail on Ted Heath's Morning Sickness yacht to get their erring arses buggered - then strangled and tossed over the side to feed the little fishies."

Conversely Ron McScrote, director of the National Society for the Promotion of Cruelty to Children, prefers the tried and tested Spartan method. "As the old maxim goes: 'spare the rod and spoil the child'. Per Timpson's views on smacking children when they're naughty and unrepentant - his Haut de la Garenne remedy is dead right. Flay the living shit out of the little bastards then flog their useless carcasses to the local eastern European sex trafficking pikey gangs."

The UN's Inter-Families Working Group's report lists potential therapies to both preclude 'and' redress chronic and unrepentant bad behaviour in use around the globe.
Mista Winnebago Jaffacake, headmaster of Nigeria's prestigious WogaWogaland Academy for Bell Curve Deficiency related that "If pupils here give my teachers any old lip and start waving their machetes around then they get only one single warning and the next time we sell them to Boko Haram or Joseph Kony for their Child Army Regiments."

Likewise Sheikh Fizzy al-Kaseltzer, Imam of the Mecca-based Isis Jolly Jihadi College for Semtex Studies, has a similar palliative for unruly behaviour. "If they start playing up like some infidel maggot from the Great Satan then I make them stand in the corner of the school playground wearing a suicide vest with a mercury switch detonator trigger. That gets them focused and disciplined very quickly. And if they do start fidgeting around and go Ka-Boom - well, I blame the parents for not bringing their kids up properly at home."

Jesuit Arsebishop Seamus McBagpuss, Dean of the St Sodom's School for Latter Day Catamites, told media hacks "Years ago I used ter cure utterances of bad language from pupils by washin' their filthy gobs out with battery acid, but nowadays the scumbags just tell their teachers an' spiritual advisors ter go fuck spiders an' then call the bloody police on their mobile phones an' start accusin' us of all manner of sexual offences. Really, what the fuck is the world comin' ter when the Vatican's Men in Black are prohibited from bummin' cheeky altar boys an' paedophilia ceases ter be a predator sport an' gets re-classified as a crime?"

Well so much for the view from the barbarians' corner. But while on the subject of barbarians, one solution for parents who have simply 'had enough' would be to get on the phone to your local privatised, profit motivated child-snatching social services who run commissions-generating Renta-Waif foster and adoption programmes, all administered by ego-driven / power mad control freaks who'll take the kids off your hands faster than shit through a goose.

However, parents opting for this easy-out solution should be forewarned that these Common Purpose trained SS morons are guilty of repeated instances of corruptly concocting evidence of child abuse - or threats to child safety - to justify tearing loving families asunder by stealing the kids to boost their performance bonus payments - which to common sense and logic alone equates as child trafficking.

Juxtaposed to freshly disciplined kids grassing up their Mum n Dad to the Plod Squad or social services after copping a dose of sore arsed parental abuse, the likes of Tory Chancellor George 'Mr Bean' Osborne and ex-FIA / Formula One supremo Max 'Me Dad's a Nazi' Mosley are rumoured to revel in the sado-masochistic practice of spankies and actually pay good money to attend a dominatrix BD/SM dungeon - to snort a couple of lines of Columbian snow - then get their arses paddled raw.

So, go on, political correctness be damned and thrown to the capricious vagaries of the four winds. Give the little twats a good clout - or if you don't want to run the risk of them jumping on their cellphone and reporting you to the local Plod Squad for assault - or human rights abuse by grounding them - or worse still - depriving them of their life's blood smart phone or X-Box, just call up Essex Castle Point Council Social Services, the experts in the corrupt and contrived art of child snatching - ( / ( - who'll take charge of your erring sprogs 'and' give you a 15% share of their placement commission bonus when they have the little blighter (s) fostered or adopted by some fudging Tory cabinet minister with a Satanic fetish for child molesting - or sold off to Portugal's Tapas Nine Paedophile Club for ritual Satanic blood sacrifice.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Methusela said...

wiggins said...

LOL.....great dig at Essex Social Services. What's the old Millwall fans chant? "Everyone hates us - but we don't give a fuck..."