Woman Labelled ‘Too Dumb’ to Marry

UK social workers following the latest batch of the EU’s totalitarian Communist Federation regulations being imposed on this once-sceptered isle have banned a young woman from her own wedding in a ridiculous broughaha over whether she is bright enough to get married.

Candida McNumpty, who has mild learning difficulties – such as having to be reminded to breathe – received a Sorrygramme from the Department of Social Interferring informing her the wedding was being put on hold just 48 hours before she was to walk up the aisle with fiance Jacko Scrunt.

Ms McNumpty, 17, had bought her wedding dress and, together with the groom, chosen their matrimonial rings, organised the church ceremony and booked their celebratory post-nuptial vows reception and piss-up at a local Witherspoons discount boozer – to be held on Saturday.

But two days before they were due to say their vows in front of 250 guests the fascist social services told the bride-to-be that she would have to cancel the big day because – in their ‘unqualified’ opinion - she did not understand the implications of getting married – to a man.

Yesterday, Ms Numpty, who is five months pregnant, told a reporter from the Nanny State Gazette that the social worker’s asinine canon was wholly overboard and an gross abuse of their authority.
In January this year, she met Mr Scrunt, a 25-year-old licenced tomcat strangler from Smegmadale. When Ms Numpty became pregnant for some unknown reason, they began making wedding plans.

Scrunt told the Daily Shitraker their nightmare began last Thursday when two neo-fascist style social services Gruppenfuhrers arrived at the flat they have shared for the past four months.
'We woz about ter go out an’ ‘ave a bit of a piss-up like – ‘ Candida wiv der girls fer ‘er ‘en party an’ me wiv der lads fer me stag night do – when these two twats come bangin’ on the effin’ door.”

“This pair of split-arsed Nazi types – typical butch lesbians – all crew cuts an’ stab jackets an’ Batman utility belts an’ cans of Mace an’ Tasers – tells Candida she can’t get married cos she's got an IQ lower than an effin’ budgie’s and they’re gonna nick our baby cos she’s not smart enough ter look after it.”
“Pair of cunts probably wanna sell the poor little twat ter Madonna or that cunt Elton John fer a stack of cash or freebie concert tickets.”

Conversely one of the social workers involved – a certain Ms. Sapphie Dildodo – told Fux News “Candida is totally brain dead – which can actually be blamed on her basket case parents who conceived her at the very shallow end of the gene pool.”

“If she starts reproducing with her intended swain Jacko – who is no rocket scientist himself – then all we’re going to end up with is yet another tribe of rowdy brainless junior yobs."

"You simply cannot make fine furniture out of firewood – really – these two having children is one of the best arguments for enforced abortion and sterilization – or selective euthenasia – in the EU’s new population cull handbook – Whoops! – I didn’t actually say that.”

Did you know that under new EU legislation if your partner is as dense as pigshit you can now apply for an automatic annulment of your marriage?
Is your husband as thick as two short planks? Does your wife have the IQ of a budgie? Does she suffer from congenital ‘blonde moments’?

Send us your details using the online questionairre below and you could win an all-expenses paid legal aid divorce before you can say ‘Big Brother loves Brussels sprouts’.