Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Starkers Krauts Hit the Hiking Trail

Germany has a history of being traditionally tolerant of nudity – especially so having been caught with their collective pants down in two World Wars across the past century - but a plan to give naked ramblers their own wilderness path is still some way from being granted a passport to social acceptance.

A Deutsche nudist campsite manager, Heinz Fiftyseven, aims to establish Germany's first official naked ramblers' footpath - an 18 kilometre route through the Bareaarze Mountains.

"But some people are against - it is not directly supported by the community – especially so the old spinster types and the mothers of those adolescent Heidi-style Aryan blonde pig-tailed goatherds," the 96-year old Heinz told a reporter from the Flashers Gazette.

However he claims fans of Freikuurperkultur - Free Body Culture, or FUKK for short - have expressed support for the scheme as it would attract naturist tourists to the economically-depressed Wankka and Dorkmunster areas, in the central German mountain range.
Plus, Herr Fiftyseven is quick to point out, half-clothed or fully-clothed walkers would be free to use the path also.

"It's a secluded area, away from traffic," Heinz maintained. "In the old former communist East Germany GDR people used to come here for group dogging sessions and enjoy masochistic weekend getaways."

Heinz informed the Yodeller's Gazette that several groups of die-hard naturists had already tested the trail prior to its planned official opening next May – which had revealed some areas that were being classified as ‘uncomfortable’ to ‘downright dangerous’ – with these ranging from infestations of March flies, wasps nests, nettles, poison ivy and thistles - to overgrown barbed wire fences that could well prove to be potential scrotum rippers.

Germany’s nudist walkers freely advertise the dates of their planned naked walks on the internet to warn prude ramblers of their presence on the trails - but if espied then clothed hiker’s reactions are usually more at surprise than anger – and often elicit outbursts of laughter when some middle-aged Hausfrau might remark at being confronted with a nude rambler’s exposed swinging tackle “Mein Gott – it looks like a penis – only smaller!”

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