Friday, 4 September 2009

Anti-Graft Boss Accused of Graft

Campaigners have condemned the reappointment of the head of Kenya's anti-corruption agency – the KACC (pronounced ‘cack’) - by the 105-year old President Dogbone Meow Kitkatbar.

"Retired Justice Bunny Jiggerabbit has failed to fight corruption in this country," lawyer and former Minister for Goat Affairs Silas Saltlick told the Basket Case Gazette. “It is a total kleptocracy characterized by rampant greed and corruption – and we can’t even get a slice of the action.”

President Kitkatbar’s ‘Fill Yer Pockets’ party won elections in 2002 promising to tackle corruption but his critics, including Western diplomats and aid agencies, say little has changed where bribery and nepotism are concerned – with charges of simony being levelled for the sale of civil service offices – from the ranks of heading the Ministry of Firewood down to the post of Nairobi’s 'Chief of Wheelbarrow Operations'.

Mr Saltlick claims Jiggerabbit's reappointment was illegal, as parliament was supposed to consider a shortlist of candidates before an appointment was made – an opinion seconded by Kenya Anti-Corruption Commission (KACC) advisory board chairman Okong'o Tsetsefly.

Chairman Tsetsefly was reported to be angry that the board had not been consulted, telling Fux News “Hey, I is angry an’ pissed off dat my board am not been consulted.”

As KACC head the 96-year old Justice Jiggerabbit is Kenya's highest paid civil servant, earning 2.5 million shillings (£21,000) a month – in salary and facilitation fees (bribes).

A devout Pancake Tuesday Adventist, Jiggerabbit’s religious upbringing shows through in all aspects of his life – especially so the charitable side of his philanthropic character - as he not only employs all his own fourteen children - and legions of grasping relatives in varying positions with the KACC - but also those of his three wives – Mopsy, Flopsy and Topsy.

Under a prior election agreement President Kitkatbar promised the people he would create a coalition office of Prime Minister for an opposition candidate – which Marmalade Chuckbutty of the OLP (Oranges & Lemons Party) was appointed to in 2008.

However Chuckbutty himself has now been mired in an alleged coconut price-fixing scandal, whilst President Kitkatbar’s ‘Fill Yer Pockets’ party cabinet officials stand accused of doing dodgy deals concerning the growing and harvest of genetically-modified candles.

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