Speaker Bercow Faces 'Phuk U' Mutiny

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ Parliamentary edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Former New Labour cabinet ministers 'Slack Jack' Straw and the expenses fiddling Margaret 'Klepto' Beckett, purposely and with malice aforethought, have gone out of their way to stir the shit for the House of Conmans Hobbit-edition Speaker John 'Spendthrift' Bercow - publicly demanding further official scrutiny of his proposed appointment of a new Parliamentary Chief Clerk amid the ongoing brouhaha over a personal 'hots for' preference to hire the notorious Aussie dingbat control freak, Carol 'CCTV Spymaster' Mills.

The ex-Bliar cabinet stooge Straw, another scumbag with a short memory when it comes to personal wrong-doing, had the brazen hubris to go off on a sermon rant, pontificating to one gutter press hack from the Daily Shitraker "I mean to say, what is Bercow up to now with this latest 'Waltzing with Hilda' fiasco. He's only after hiring Mills as she's got an ignominious past, like that be-whiskered old pederast git she's meant to replace - and another stooge Bercow has a measure of blackmail leverage on so she can be easily manipulated."
"For fuck's sake, why do we need this Antipodean slapper - a veritable female version of Mr Bean - with her 'struck match' crewcut - to fill the clerk's role? Is there no fucker or their dog on the UK's Jobcentre Plus books qualified for this vacancy? Really, any 11-year old Asbo Central Academy dropout pupil would have the required talents for the post - shuffling bits of paper around and not much else."

Straw's perhaps slanderous comments besides, rumours abound that this shock and awe 'Clerk-Gate' surprise 'Chief Clerk vacuum' crisis has manifested due the outgoing House of Conmans incumbent, Sir Wobert McWogers, being forced to tender his untimely resignation following a dawn raid on his grace and favour Smegmadale-on-Sea residence early last week by officers from the Met's Operation Yewtree nonce-busting team.

The tittle-tattle gutter press reports that McWogers is helping police with their inquiries regarding not only charges of historic child sexual abuse viz an incriminating Super 8 film of himself and other Parliamentarians, cabinet ministers, BBC DJs and other celebs and certain 'royals' - plus several Boy Scouts - taken in a hot tub at that now-notorious kiddie fiddling bordello - the Barnes Elm Guest House - but his Masonic secret handshake club fraternity links to an Aberdeen-based paedophile ring whose untouchable Violate Club elitist establishment's Tartan Tadgers sect members prey on disabled and special needs children to fulfil their perverted carnal fetishes before subjecting them to ritual Satanic blood sacrifices on the sanguine desecrated altar of their infernal God of Darkness.

Growing numbers of senior MPs are calling for Ms Mills’ unvetted candidacy - her virtual 'sub-rosa' appointment in fact - to be fielded before a parliamentary committee amid fears that serial squanderer Bercow is attempting replace Sir Wobert McWogers, the outgoing lisp-stricken Chief Clerk, with a malleable ally - and one that he's evolved a personal 'leg-over' masturbation fantasy for.

Straw's joint complainant, Margaret Beckett MP, spoke with BBC's Newshite programme correspondent Laura Kuntsberg, stating for the public record that Mills' appointment was not only a bizarre aberration as she knows sweet fuck all about British constitutional law nor our Parliamentary procedures but presents an embarrassing affront to the entire line of succession protocol system as Sir Wobert McWogers' deputy, David Natzler, was considered next up for the cushy £200,000 a year job.

"We consider Carol Mills to be an opportunistic interloper and demand that she to face the House of Conmans Inquisition team for a thorough interrogation before being granted such a senior Parliamentary role."
"Just cos Bercow's fed up with that skanger of a piranha-jawed slut Sally and has a hard on for this Mills woman, doesn't necessarily equate that he can bypass established recruitment concordats and appoint her a to a top House of Conmans post simply so he has a hands-on opportunity to engage in the odd knee trembler bonking session in the staff toilets."

Likewise, Bercow's predecessor, former Speaker Baroness Betty 'Pisspot' Boothroyd, spoke to media hacks in the saloon bar of Whitehall's Ye Olde Rent Boy pub, claiming Ms Mills would be totally out of her depth in the role which demands she acts as a senior constitutional adviser to the moronic politicos who comprise the 649 MPs in the House of Conmans.
"This woman simply is not up to the job as she lacks the required candidate qualifications that acting deputy clerk David Natzler has in abundance - and what's more, she's not even a Freemason's Moll. But Bercow is trying his damnest to stick us with his fancy piece - some Ozzie outlander, an economic migrant wannabe even - whose areas of expertise lie in cricket's LBW rulings, sheep dip legislation and the constitutional statutes regarding the game of 'two-up'."

Not wishing to be left out of a media feeding frenzy opportunity to say something daft, Tory MP Michael Fabricant - the party's official Boris Johnson impersonator - questioned whether it was right to appoint a clerk who remains under a shadow of controversy and investigation in Australia for a serious breach of parliamentary privilege on her watch as Clerk with responsibility for Toilets & Washrooms Services in Canberra.

Thought for the day. We just wish to fuck these tossers would get down to the job of government and debating legislation and call a halt to the egocentric pecking order petty squabbling and pissing contests.
But there again, viz Mills for the job. Why the fuck not - if New Labour can field a war criminal like Tony Bliar as Prime Minister, then some Ozzie scally accused of a lesser misdemeanour is surely okay.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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