Sunday, 17 August 2014

1001 Stupid Questions for Local Councils

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, the following Freedom of Information Act 'odd' requests to local authority councils around our once-sceptred isle about sums up the mental state of broken Britain's telly /media NLP brainwashed common herd sheeple - which our editorial board have taken it on themselves to enhance with a liberal mischievous dressing of provocative - albeit slanderous - satirical innuendo to stimulate the otherwise asinine content of the original BBC News listing.

Councillor Chlamydia Mingerot, chairwoman of the Local Government Authority's Department for Wasting Time & Money, informed one gutter press hack from the Spendthrifts Gazette that " We invest a great deal of effort ensuring legitimate requests are met with comprehensive responses - as long as they are in accordance with the statutes of the Data Protection Act and not likely to upset the establishment status quo regarding councillors being Freemasons or members of the Friends of Israel Club - or speculating on commercial conflicts of interest - none of which are, in my opinion, of a public interest nature and only fielded by some Bolshie anarchist type as a shit-stirring provocation device."

To wit, the Local Government Association's Top 10 most unusual Freedom of Information requests are listed below:

What plans are in place to protect the town's iconic pier on Orwell Street from a concerted dragon attack? (Wigan Council) Reply: The Council's emergency planning team have now charged the local Plod Squad's dedicated Zombie Invasion Task Force (ZITF) with forming a dedicated 24/7 Anti-Dragon Attack Unit.

How many of your graft and corruption-ridden council chamber members are secret handshake club Freemasons? (Smegmadale Borough Council)

How many teachers at the St Sodoms Academy for Latter Day Catamites have their names in the Sex Offenders Register? (Scatford-on-the-Wold Council)

Please list all the number of road kill street children you have had cryogenically frozen since March 2012, including the sex and race of each corpse. (Tower Scamlets Council)

How many times has the council paid for the services of an exorcist ? Were the services performed on an adult, child, pet or building? (Crapdale Council)

Please can you let me know how many times the Plod Squad have ignored or covered up charges of child sexual abuse filed against our paedophile ex-Labour MP Granville Janner? (Leicestershire County Council)

What preparations have been undertaken in the case an asteroid crashing into the downtown shopping area on a Saturday afternoon - or an alien UFO invasion force landing? (Worthless Borough Council)

How many holes have been reported in the privacy walls between cubicles in the town's public toilets and council building bogs in the last 10 years? (Voyeurdale Council)

How many bodies are there in the mortuary at our local Harold Shipman Centre for Clinical Excellence that have been unclaimed for 10 years? How long have these bodies been in the mortuary? Did Jimmy Savile ever do volunteer work in this mortuary? Are the bodies - both male and female - ever examined for signs of necrophilia sexual abuse? (Richmond & Barnes Council)

How many people in the town have a police permit to keep a tiger, lion, leopard,, velociraptor or baby-biting pit bull terrier as a pet? (Snottborough Council)

What is the proposed alternative for remitting council tax payments on schedule and avoiding these mega-bucks late payment punitive fines if the Earth is sucked into a Black Hole and internet PayPal account access no longer available due the electro-magnetic / gravitational distortion effects? Does the council have a contingency plan for such an Event Horizon occurrence? (Brummystan Council)

How many children in council care homes have been secretly micro-chipped via furtive immunisation shots? (Bellend-on-Sea Council).
Hmmm, better question would be how many have been ritual sexual assaults / sexually molester by members of the local council bureaucracy Masonic / Satanist paedophile ring? And how many care home staff are convicted sex offenders?

Do you have any stupid questions you'd like to ask your Alderman or MP? Have you ever asked your local council a stupid question? Did you receive a prompt and equally-stupid answer? Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a copy of our "1001 Stupid Questions to Ask Stupid Politicians".

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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