Cash for Honours Scandal: Mk 2 Version

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Tony Bliar's New Labour cash-for-honours political scandal has risen from the grave to rear its ugly corruption-ridden head again - but this time around resurrected by the numb nuts Tories - for flogging off peerages to filthy rich scumbags who want to have Sir or Baron or Lord as a prefix for their otherwise lacklustre moniker - and so effect some additional double-barrelled appellation - alike Sir Aldous Wisbeech-Kettledrum or Sir Dinsdale Figg-Newton - or Lord Peter Scandalson of the Felchers - or Sir Hamon de Mattoid - or Baron Irwin Sleazebag-Mountebank – author of the worst-selling ornithology novel ‘The Life and Times of a Soft-Boiled Egg’ - or last but by no means least - Lord Brandon Ffitch-Dorkpuller, scion of the Home Counties Ffitch-Dorkpuller nouveau riche Pound Stretcher empire dynasty.

And in the case of the caught-out Indian 'King of Bling' jewellery tycoon who owns Conflict Diamond Baubles in Soho's low life Berwick Street and coughed up £300,000 quid for Scameron's election campaign back in 2010 - forking out a few quid can guarantee you'll assume a panjandrum style high-falutin title: such as Lord Winnebago Wormhole Chuckabutty of Rogan Josh.

Described by the Profligate Review as being richer than Croesus, Lord Chuckabutty is a member of the Renaissance Forum, an exclusive dinner club only open to zillionaire pondscum egoists who have donated more than £10,000 to the Tory Party coffers.
However, according to a report in this morning's Daily Shitraker, Downing Street denies it deliberately created a misleading impression regarding this Asian Conservative Party donor who PM Scameron recently bestowed with a 'thanks for all the cash' peerage.

Number 10 spokeswoman Scabby Bertin went into her customary, practiced denial mode and informed gutter press hacks that “Appointments to the House of Lords are fuck all to do with Posh Dave, although he can put in a good word for the odd generous donor."

"All honours are vetted by the independent House of Lords Appointment Commission, and Lord Winnebago Wormhole Chuckabutty of Rogan Josh has selflessly devoted the last 40 years to a range of charitable and voluntary positions, including Chairman of the Paedophile Information Exchange, executive director of the prestigious Harold Shipman Centre for Medical Excellence (innovators of the acclaimed Liverpool Care Pathway euthanasia scheme) - and General Secretary of the Board of British Money Launderers."

Conversely, Dr Badluck Jaffacake, Chief of Surgery for the Harold Shipman Centre for Medical Excellence, contested the claim, relating that Lord Chuckabutty had never been involved in the hospital's governing board.
Speaking in confidence and off the record with a press hack from the Necrophiliacs Gazette, Dr Jaffacake related that: "This dodgy rascal isn't even a fellow Indian - he's a sodding Paki - and speaks with forked tongue if he claims to be a Sikh and a big pal of Tonto's."
"His only connection with our hospital was when he used to come along with that Jimmy Savile DJ character and they used to go around the women's ward groping a few patients for a laugh then go and chill out, partying in the morgue."

Tory denials besides, a shit-stirring media feeding frenzy situation is now focused on whistle-blower leaks that two other mega-bucks party donors have coughed up £££ zillions and just by coincidence been awarded top notch peerages.
Sheikh Ras al Shitbag, ruler of some region postage stamp Middle East emirate who's fly-infested piece of coastal desert holds massive oil and gas reserves - and who boasts hereditary grazing rights to every hotel lobby carpet in the Gulf region, is alleged to have paid a veritable king's ransom for the royal title of Baron Shitbag of the Oasis.

More damning and closer to home is the case of the bottom-feeding investment banker - Michael Farmhand, the vulgarian CEO of various City-based vulture fund money juggling enterprises including Privet Hedge, Red Shite Capital Management and Pound of Flesh Investments.
Farmhand’s latest donation is believed to take the total value of his gifts to the Conservatives close to £7 zillion nicker - a figure that bankster types refer to as 'lots and lots of fucking money'.

Fat cat Farmhand informed Spendthrift magazine "I simply make too much money and don't know what to do with it - so I give it away to my Tory MP fellow Mason brothers. Hey, let's be honest and up-front here - Broken Britain is a debt hostage to the Zionist lobby and the Askhkenazi Rothshite cabal banksters, and this government needs every red cent it can drum up to pull our arses out of the financial quagmire that New Labour's cyclops of a Chancellor - then Prime Minister - Gordon Brown caused with his moronic mishandling of the economy and grabbing payday loans from these ubiquitous High Street ripoff merchants like Gash-Cash and Slick-Quid."

Have you donated a few bob to the Tory Party? Did you cop for some glittering prize or accolade or other? A mention in dispatches perhaps? A personal mob-handed visit from Scameron's Bullingdon Vandals Club mates to kick your front door in and smash up the house? Or the promise of a knighthood if you mortgage your house and turn over the proceeds to the cashier at the Tory HQ in Matthew Parker Street?

Thought for the day. Cash for honours? Why the fuck not? Every part of broken Britain's socio-political sphere has been commercialised - and Jimmy Savile copped a knighthood for services as a paedo pimp for Prince Stavros of Edinburgh - and Prince 'Big Ears' Chazzer, the Royal Plant Whisperer.
As to Chuckabutty, Ras al Shitbag and Lord Farmhand of the Midden, well they simply equate as another trio of Vermin in Ermine dog wankers in their red velvet and fur trimmed Stoat Coats - pocketing £300 quid a day just for turning up to read the papers before lunch, then sodding off down to some kiddie fiddling paedo brothel in Barnes for a spot of illicit afternoon delight.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.