Tory Dingbats Skirt Political Suicide

Once again we bring you the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what critics speculate is a lemming-style career suicide rush towards the cliff tops of political seppuku, an influential group of Tory MPs have gone on the public record stating that no fucker or their dog should be allowed to claim more than £20,000 a year in social welfare benefits.
Hmmm, Hypocrisy with a large capital H here, methinks – from a bunch of tossers who draw a £66,396 per annum salary directly from the taxpayers’ piggy bank – plus generous Parliamentary expenses that can cover the costs of floating duck islands or dredging their second home ‘country pile’ moats – and even down to a miserly, grasping claim for the price of a couple of plums.

Shit-for-brains members of the Free Enterprise Group of Conservative MPs this week issued a unanimous call for the flagship welfare cap to be radically reduced from its current level of £26,000 – and hence transmit a message that the unemployed would no longer be able to live the life of Riley on social benefits.

US-born Brooks Skidmark, the pig-eyed Conservative MP for Essex Brainless constituency (and Lobbyist-in-Chief for the Nasty Party’s Friends of Israel Club) informed one gutter press hack from the Hard Times Gazette that in his personal unqualified opinion the cap should be reduced to the value of the average lower management exec’s £26,000 salary - after tax - equal to £20,000 quid – while conspicuously pushing for the start point of 40% income tax to be raised to £50,000 – just to help out the rich and shameless – and MPs.

Fellow Tory David Roughage, the MP for All-Bran, anxious to get his two-penneth of back bench blather in and be noticed, claimed private polling conducted in the vault of the House of Conmans Stranglers Bar last week revealed that the benefit cap was supported by 80% of fellow MPs and 95% of the Lords.

The imbecilic membership composition of this ‘conflict of interest’ ridden Free Enterprise Group includes a strew of rising Tory scatterbrains and was founded by education minister and career adulteress Elizabeth ‘Blonde Moments’ Truss (£134,565 per annum plus expenses) and is backed by a gaggle of other senior Nasty Party conflict of interest figures, including Treasury minister Sajid Javid (a man who gets a hard on trying to triple heating bill taxes) and business minister Matthew Wankcock, along with Old Etonian (a fact that speaks for itself) Kwasi Kwarteng, the Tory MP for Ghana - and not forgetting Nadhim ‘Bald Turd’ Zahawi, the PM’s business adviser who fraudulently billed taxpayers for electricity to keep his stables and donkeys warm.

The group has further urged the Tory’s train fare-dodging Chancellor George ‘Spankies’ Osborne to implement a string of tax cuts to ease the financial pressures caused by Broken Britain’s flatline economy on upper class families and big business – and too consider supporting the middle class – that first line attack target and iconic bastion of defence between a revolution-bent proletariat flash mob and the ruling hierarchy.

Tory MP Dominic Scaab told media hacks that “We’ve done a good job of kicking the crap out of the useless eaters with benefit cuts, but the middle classes have been hit for six and they’re a necessary buffer zone between the upper classes and the common herd when the shit finally hits the fan and anarchy and riots consume the streets – and the Plod Squad and Army decide they’re on the wrong side of the barricades.”

Further misconceived proposals fronted by the Free Enterprise Group include scrapping stamp duty on all homes worth more than £500,000 and abolishing First Class Air Passenger Duty – to ‘boost the aspiring yuppie classes’.
However, the moronic crew has sparked a shit storm of politically toxic controversy by calling for an increase in VAT on domestic fuel from 8% to 15%, along with slapping top rate VAT on food and children’s clothes, which are currently zero-rated – a bid bound to cop the same public reaction as the idiotic Osborne’s fatally flawed scam to slap VAT on hot pasties.

Hmmm, little wonder the proletariat despise their system-serving ‘elected’ (sic) representatives who do nothing of the sort to ‘represent’ the views and needs of their constituents.
This Tory Nasty Party zillionaire dominated cabinet is chocker block with money-grubbing plutocrats who are hell bent on reinstating the grim days of yore when popes, kings and queens wielded absolutist, despotic powers to expand their empires of control and enriched themselves on the profits leached from the blood, sweat and tears of the slave labour working class.

It ain’t rocket science to perceive the conundrum of how any political party – and here the microscope is on the Tory’s - represent the interests of the taxpaying voters when they’re indebted for funding from the Fortune 500 index donors (their true constituents) - and the first priority is to represent their lobbied interests?

Hopefully the Downing Street and Shitehall civil service mandarins will tug the leash on these Free Enterprise Group clots before they kick start a second Peasants Revolt with this latest stream of politically toxic schemes – which possibly represent the worst ideas any of the Tory dog wankers have conjured up since their last worst ideas.

This Free Enterprise Group, formed by Lizzie Truss, a scandalised adulteress who can’t keep her knickers on and was copped bonking fellow MP Markie Field – which resulted in his marriage breakup - - is proposing a round of social welfare benefit cuts ‘and ‘increases of VAT on basic level commodity goods that will only serve to further inflame the ire of the common herd.

How the fuck is it the bottom feeders who always want to shaft the most vulnerable of our sick society are the ones with a well-moneyed buffer comfort zone of their own? But this Free Enterprise Group are the type of tunnel vision pondscum bureaucratic frogs who dream of becoming toads - and contracted the not-fit-for-purpose Atosspots Group to expedite Work Capability Assessments and demand that special needs and disabled persons – the blind and quadriplegics - crawl around on all fours to ‘prove’ they are unable to stack shelves at Poundland.

Now here we posed a pertinent question – is this some sort of reverse psychology anti-multicultural Big Society xenophobia-generating conspiracy - that a core element of the main movers and shakers in this scumbag Free Enterprise Group are all darkie / kikester foreigner types – (Brookes Skidmark, Kwasi Kwarthog, Sajid Jaffacake, Shitti Patel, Sammy Gyimah and Nadhim Zahawi) - an immigrant species that have slithered onto the shores of our once-sceptred isle with malice aforethought - to do the indigenous population and our once-pristine economy great harm?

Thought for the day. Slash welfare benefits? Personally I’m all for it – as my statuary old age pension comes nowhere near the £26,000 quid figure – even if we include the now-slashed Winter Fuel Allowance.
Hey, if the Tory Minister for Social Misery, Iain Duncan Shit reckons that he can live on £69 quid a week, then why not – let’s cap the benefits at that figure – and slash the MP’s House of Conmans £66,000 per annum = £1,276 per week salaries to the same.

Conversely, on a more sensible note, why the fuck would any sane government do a Freddy Kruger manicure job on subsidies (welfare benefits) for the poor and needy of our society - and risk rebellion from the masses by not slashing those bestowed upon mega-bucks ‘for profit’ tax-dodging corporations instead?

Oh well, so much for a Merry Christmas 2013 when faced with this cost-of-living / welfare benefits bereft crisis.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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