Monday, 4 November 2013

Polack Poultry Reclassed as British Bred

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The latest hare-brained political correctness scheme from the Brussels-based EUSSR totalitarian state madhouse’s Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next, working in conjunction with Broken Britain’s Parliamentary Select Committee for Wasting Time & Money, headed by Keith ‘Mr Fixit’ Vaz, the incumbent New Labour MP for Red Leicester, has resulted in the passage of legislation that classifies poultry raised in regulations-zero poxy Poland using nasty intensive-breeding methods as British born and bred produce.

Henceforth hormone-boosted ‘45-day Wonder’ clucks will be legally labelled and sold as ‘Proudly British Bred’ regardless of the sinister deception factor that the birds were shipped to the UK a couple of weeks prior to getting the chop and ending up in a pack of Pukesbury’s disgusting ‘Crunchy Nano-Nuggets’ – or on a KFC chew n spew fast food tray, deep fried in greasy crap and disguised as something edible.

So forget worrying about horsemeat in your Captain Turdseye fish fingers as from now on you won’t have a fucking clue about the origin of the meat on the shelves at your local Greedy Grocer supermarket chains as Pestco, Shiteland, Mammon & Snobfords and Pukesburys etc et al will be affected and just as much in the dark as their hapless patrons.

Hence the gospel according to Brussels latest bizarre regulations, a chicken would qualify to be branded British after 14 days in the UK - while a sheep would have to spend three-quarters of its life in our once-sceptred isle – which amounts to a mere sixteen weeks – whereas a pig would have to be in the UK for up to four months to qualify for an EU-approved residents visa – and claim welfare benefits.

At present, beef and veal are required to be labelled with a comprehensive ‘long’ copy of a bullock or heifer’s BBC (Bovine Birth Certificate) detailing where the beast was born and raised and went to school – a legal requirement fielded after the Mad Cow Disease outbreak of that resulted in 10% of the British population affected with BSE / vCJD in the late 80’s and 90’s - and running around country parks and woodland meadows, chewing the grass and mooing.

Conversely this decision clashes with a labelling campaign by consumer and animal welfare groups fighting for shoppers to have the right to know the true origin of the food they put on the table – especially so that originating from former Eastern Bloc countries where animal rights are on a par with those of human rights: non-existent.

Likewise the legislation has started alarm bells ringing not only with the UK’s slack-arsed Borders Agency but also a strew of British patriot groups, including the BNP and EDF neo-Nazis, with Nick Griffin and Tommy Knobhead jointly penning an article in the Xenophobes Gazette questioning if the same rules will apply to the waves of Polish plumbers and carp poachers, Albanian swan roasters and Romanian gyppo-pikey child sex traffickers that turn up on our ‘soft touch’ shores on a daily basis.

Thought for the day. Calls placed to Defra to speak with the moronic Minister for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, Farmer Owen Paterson, for his comments on the new EUSSR legislation were unsuccessful due Paterson’s ‘second job’ commitments as chief lobbyist for Monsanto and pushing acceptance of their toxic GMO Frankenfood crops - plus promoting the extraction of shale gas deposits by the fracking industry’s environmental pillagers.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Anonymous said...

Spot on BBC News article this morning.
'Immigrants to the UK make a substantial contribution to public finances'.
Ha, yeah right. Via the route of paying fines and community service work sentences.

wiggins said...

......and also emptying the Social Security coffers, bring it on, Aye!!!