Paxman Slams Dildo Dave’s WW1 Bash

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Jeremy ‘Growler’ Paxman, the purposely abrasive BBC Newshite anchor, has landed himself at the centre of the biggest barney with a government minister since the last big barney after he labelled Tory leader Posh Dave Scameron a ‘brain-dead dildo’ for conjuring up this moronic First World War centenary celebration scheme.

In a concerted and vindictive act of retaliation, a Biblical scale shit storm of caustic criticism and complaints has been loosed by Downing Street’s cabinet office Nudge Unit and the damage control spin doctors – all directed at the Biased Broadcasting Corp and focused on Paxo for having the audacity to publicly slag off and diss Broken Britain’s Great Leader, Reichsführer Kameron and his current pet ‘Let’s all celebrate warfare’ project.

Due the nature of the threats of personal violence he’s been receiving, Paxman has hired two ex-Mossad Kidon Unit minders, Freddy and Felix the Fagin twins as close-in protection – lest he ends up inside a big black North Face holdall (the type favoured by MI6 and the Increment assassins crew – ‘and’ suicide-bent GCHQ technicians) – then dumped on some remote grassy knoll down Wiltshire way – or is discovered leant up against a tree in the David Kelly Memorial Woods with his left wrist slashed and a gut-full of co-proxamol tablets.

Asked during an interview with the Warmongers Gazette for his opinion of the Tory’s programmed events for 2014 Paxo claimed that Scameron had likened the commemorations to Tin Lizzie’s QE2 Diamond Jubilee celebrations – and was gearing up to stage an all-out gung-ho ‘blood n guts’ / ‘over the top’ Black Adder style commemoration event that, like the Diamond Jubilee, says something about who we are as a people – an enduring legacy that expresses Britain’s national identity.

Hmmm, yeah right - national identity indeed. A bunch of barbarians with a history of imperialist colonial aggression whose elitist rulers bask in the dark and venal joys of schadenfreude as they visit deprivation and mayhem on the heads of lesser peoples to seize their lands for strategic advantage and control of the natural resources – with Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Mali, Somalia and Syria as the latest examples of our long history of foreign adventurism and geo-political meddling.

Paxman explained “It’s a fucking worry when this tosser Scameron, purportedly kitted out with a first class public school education and a degree in some thing or the other from Oxford, is not only attempting to score political brownie points by turning the Armistice Day ‘Lest We Forget’ mantra hypocrisy into a staged national event of Busby Berkeley extravaganza proportions, but doubles the scale of blatant hypocrisy in bypassing his vaunted belt-tightening austerity measures and claims this gala spectacular to celebrate the worst man-made catastrophe in history is going to cost the taxpayer £50 million quid – all allocated from the plundered welfare benefits, bedroom tax and pensioner’s winter fuel allowance cutbacks.”

“Really, I ask you, what the fuck is there to celebrate about four years sniping at each other from a line of trenches in this abominable War to End All Wars – which ended up with fourteen million dead on all sides – and a further thirty-four million crippled and maimed – in both mind and body – all due a total breakdown in diplomacy and a record-breaking display of man’s inhumanity to his fellow man – all staged and directed by the inbred mongrel royals of the day – plus their staffs of military incompetents and raving psychopaths – just like Tony Bliar and Dave Scameron.”

“Now we are force fed this ‘Lest We Forget’ mantra hypocrisy on a yearly Remembrance Sunday basis – and the first thing we did was ‘forget’ – not just once, in 1939, but again and again and again – which we’re still doing it to this very day – forgetting - and during that two minute silence you can actually hear the hypocrisy slithering around the feet of the assembled masses. But as the proverb goes: ‘They that do not learn from history are doomed to repeat its mistakes’.”

“So now we have this pretentious dog wanker Scameron banging the patriotism drum and promoting help for heroes – who are military employees in the first instance and if they’ve two ounces of common sense to rub together, know quite fucking well they’ve no right being in someone else’s country – Afghanistan or Iraq, wherever - as part of an invading, aggressive armed force.”
“Help for heroes, my arse – we’ve heard that one before from the Welsh goat Lloyd George – ‘homes fit for heroes’ – another never-to-materialise promise from governments past.”

“But he buffoon’s too dense to extrapolate the unforeseen ramifications of what’s being proposed here – acts of revelry and carousal aimed at glorifying warfare - especially so of a four year duration conflict where none were the winners and all parties came out as losers.”

“Alas, this Tory leader, the very same bloke who came up with the Hug-a-Hoodie fiasco, is still labouring under the delusion that he’s more popular with the common herd than Simon Smith and his amazing dancing bear, when the truth lies more in the fact he’s about as despised and reviled as a course of chemotherapy at some NHS cancer clinic.”
“It’s way past time for Scameron to exit stage left – as a necessary political damage control casualty - fallen victim to the Blinovitch Limitation Effect - along with his coke-snorting handler missus, Snowy Sam.”

Conversely Posh Dave was full of vim and vinegar, informing gutter press hacks that “Paxman’s a Bolshie oick who has no concept of who is really running this country. He’s the type of straight sex, missionary style bleeding heart altruist who condemns paedophilia and probably votes for Nutty Nigel and UKIP.”

“So Paxo can sod off as we’re going to celebrate 100 years of super warfare – and re-enact the Battle of the Somme, which will be a spiffing wheeze as we can use Thames Water’s multifarious neglected road works as the trenches – they’re scattered all over London - and have lots of redundant NHS nurses administering the Liverpool Care Pathway kiss of death to the make-believe casualties – just like Barky Obama’s boys did at the false flag Boston bombing last April.”

Scameron, not only short on credibility but also grass roots horse sense, intends the 2014 festive ‘War is Great’ celebrations to comprise three vital elements – a task now bestowed on the expenses-fiddling Culture Secretary Maria ‘Ginger Minger’ Miller, she of the Desperate Dan chin – in conjunction with Defence Minister Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond and armed forces commander, General Sir Dinsdale Hogg-Scatt to collectively transform into reality.

First on Scameron’s list of ‘three vital elements is – quote: ‘a massive transformation of the Imperial War Museum to make it even more incredible’ – knee deep mud, dismembered corpses, and the stench of death and putrefaction disguised under a pervading odour of mustard gas.
Second, a major programme of national commemorative events "properly funded and given the august status they deserve" – such as fire bombing mosques and targeting any fucker and their dog in our Big Society who feels inclined to hate our vaunted democratic freedoms.
And third, the last but not least, an educational programme "to create an enduring legacy for generations to come" – which we have already since the Army’s 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment set up recruitment desks in Broken Britain’s schools and Wootton Bassett council dedicated a further ten acres of greenfields to the adjoining current military graveyard.

Thought for the day. Poppy festooned Remembrance Sunday indeed – now British troops are guarding the fucking poppy crops in Afghanistan – the UK / US black op’s finance drug trade money stream.

So this WWI centenary remembrance celebration is set to be funded with £50 million nicker out of the taxpayer’s piggy bank? Nice one – how about £50 million quid spent on a job creation programme or patching up potholes with Tarmite?

Scameron’s flabby rhetoric is more at scent than substance – a prime example of political correctness gone wrong – attempting to politicise and capitalise on the utter tragedy that World War One constituted and commemorate the ultimate demonstration of human folly in the past 100 years. But WTF else can we expect from a spoiled brat who was brought up on a privileged high octane diet of pomp and pageantry.

Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles – or Syrian refugees - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of the GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / eavesdropping system’s network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in Cheltenham were temporarily inconvenienced.

Regardless, fuck the warmongering Freemasons elitist rulers and Big Brother – and his sister and their doomed New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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