Muslim Terrorist Suspect Slips MI5 Watchers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

An ‘Operation Fingers on the Pulse’ taskforce has been assembled in a vain ‘shut the stable door’ attempt to track down and apprehend a Jolly Jihad terror suspect who slipped his somnambulist government minder’s leash by disguising himself in a burka and doing a 'Jumping Jack Flash' type runner.
Mohammed Shaheed al Ka-Boom, 27, who was subject to an order restricting his movements, sneaked out of London’s Ghaban Ibn Himar mosque last Friday dressed in the de rigeur apparel required of females of the Muslim species.

The Met Police's Counter Terrorism Command, MI5 and the UK Border Agency have joined forces in an all-out effort to find the miscreant before he is able to single-handedly launch his very own personal Jihad to up-end Western civilisation and destroy our hated democratic freedoms.

However Mr al-Ka-Boom is by no means the first terror suspect under a so-called TPim order to go missing. The ‘terrorism prevention and investigation measures’ have come under intense scrutiny since the Briton, a former Somali pirate, absconded from the mosque in Acton, west London – with his disappearance presenting an acute embarrassment to Terry May, the UK’s cross-dressing transvestite Home Secretary, who was responsible for arrogantly introducing the TPim regulations regardless of specialist advice that such were not fit for purpose.

According to the black propaganda being circulated to the media by Scotland Yard’s character assassination department, the terrorist suspect is believed to have close links to al-Shabab, the Somali insurgent group that recently copped the blamed for the false flag Westgate Shopping Mall attack in Nairobi last September.

While UK Border Agency officers at Britain's ports and airports have been told to stay awake and look out for the suspect, MI5 intelligence officers are working closely with GCHQ and using their top secret Ouija Board computer software to try to second-guess the AWOL terror suspect’s whereabouts.

Mr al Ka-Boom has now been placed on the government’s Warnings Index Database and his photographs – in both male mufti ‘and’ the female burka dress false identity of Neekni Sahrawi under which he evaded his watchers - have been circulated to ports and borders.

Scotland Yard’s Public Scaremongering Department chief, Cressida Dickhead, informed the media it was estimated that as al Ka-Boom has rigged his escape from government scrutiny then it could be taken as a certainty he wasn’t planning to hand himself in – which thus left him with three broad choices of evasive action.

First, it is thought he could lie low and stay in Britain, hiding out amongst the thousands of homeless unemployed and former middle class peasants now living on landfill sites, canal banks and under motorway bridge abutments up and down the country.
A second choice would be to flee Britain for East Africa – but one MI5 official who spoke to press hacks on conditions of anonymity (Ron McSnitcher) was forced to admit that in all truth the police and intelligence services didn’t have a fucking clue where Mr Mohamed Shaheed al Ka-Boom might have gone.

“Course it’s always an effin’ problem when the fuckin’ lot of ‘em is called ‘Mohamed’, ain’t it. Plus they all look the effin’ same – whispy beards, cataracts, bad teeth an’ halitosis.”
“Yer know, it’s not our forte findin’ these fuckers. We’re more up ter false flag jobs - shootin’ gobshites like that Jill Dando slag in the head – or knockin’ off the odd Bolshie royal princess in a Paris car smash - or blamin’ Mossad’s 7/7 tube train bombin’s on a gang of Muslim patsies – plus the old assisted suicide capers. Slashing loose lipped weapons inspector’s wrists an’ shovin’ whistle-blowing GCHQ poofter twats inter big black North Face holdalls an’ dumpin’ them in the bath.”

“It’s a possibility al Ka-Boom might slip through the ‘secret pipeline’ wot them illegal immigrant Albanian swan roasters an’ Gyppo Pikeys use ter get in an’ out of Britain ter claim their welfare benefits wivout the numb nuts Borders Agency morons catchin’ ‘em – wot the public commonly refer ter as the Cross Channel Tunnel.”

An open judgement was handed down by the High Court on Mr al Ka-Boom’s case last year after the security service assessed him as being linked to a group of six British nationals who received terrorist training literature from Book of the Month Club.

The biased judgement states he further bought an ‘Al-Shabab Rules’ tee shirt on an eBay auction which could be converted into a Semtex suicide vest - and in 2010 was engaged in procuring sub-nuclear weapons grade materials to knock up 'Weapons of Mass Distraction' improvised explosive devices and further the cause of his terrorism-related activities – specifically concealing purchases of black pepper and peroxide ‘and’ a box of safety matches in the family’s weekly shopping basket.

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Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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