Paedo’s Delight: Drop Age of Consent

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to Professor John Ashton, president of the UK’s Faculty of Pubic Health (while allied to the Royal College of Physicians and advises ministers and civil servants, is a non-governmental body) when interviewed on Channel 69 TV’s ‘Catholic Catamites Hour’ programme, claims the Con-Dem coalition government should consider dropping the age of sexual consent to at least 15 – and preferably lower – as changing the law would draw a metaphoric ‘line in the school playground’ against sex at 10 years old - or younger.

Obviously the muddled Ashton has deluded himself into the belief that as both Mother Nature and society transmit contradictory signals about when sex is kosher (albeit women do this throughout their entire adult lives) then in his unqualified opinion a ‘one size fits all’ remedy would be to lower the age of consent.
Thus Ashton has been rightly slammed by children’s rights campaigners and branded as unsuitable to field even this misguided personal judgement on such a controversial subject, let alone steer a national debate over the issue – nor advise or direct radical changes to existing legislative policy.

Conversely Downing Street were quick to piss on Ashton’s campaign bonfire before it could reach a critical mass state yesterday, with Tory PM Posh Dave Scameron dropping his customary procrastination stance and informing gutter press hacks that “This type of kiddie fiddling sex thing might be okay north of the border with Alex ‘Porky Pict’ Salmond’s Scottish Nonce Party - where child porno and kiddie bonking crimes get a sly nod and wink from the Freemason-infested police force and are covered up – same as occurred with the Speculative Society’s chief paedo pimp Thomas Hamilton and the Dunblane school tragedy - and let us not forget Grampian’s ongoing Hollie Greig scandal, where Aberdeen’s local worthies can molest and rape disabled children with impunity. But that’s the level of deviant perversion that manifests when society turns a blind eye to men wearing tutus.”

“And while the Welsh are half as bad, and have this kinky fetish thing for sheep, the same is not going down here in England on my watch – especially now this Jimmy Savile brouhaha has got out of hand with the sodding Met’s Yewtree, Fernbridge and Pallial witch hunts resulting in the arrest of all manner of sacrificial household name geriatric celebs on demand – and exposing the filthy peccadilloes of the odd deceased politician too - such as that ridiculous fatty Liberal Cyril Smith and Maggie’s old pal, Peter Morrison – which at least serves as a heaven-sent auspicious distraction to keep the Plod Squad off the Royal Family’s backs - and leaving Parliament’s Lords and MPs, and Whitehall civil servants alone – for now.”

Ashton's comments come against a backdrop of official figures which suggest that up to a third of pre-teens have sex before the present 16 years age of consent, go shoplifting Black Mamba ribbed condoms from one of the Greedy Grocer supermarkets such as Pestco, and are into male / female ‘comparative anatomy studies’ and copping the first savoir faire ‘sexperimental’ leg-overs down their local Doggers Wood by the age of 12.

Ms Candida Mingerot, a child abuse team specialist at Scrunt & McKunt (Solicitors), who represent the thousands of ‘Jim’ll Fuck It’ victims who were indecently groped or sexually molested or subjected to a three holer bonking session by Savile, informed media hacks that she has real concerns viz the prospect of the age of consent being lowered.

“Any such legislation that is even contemplated, let alone passed, would provide legitimacy for predatory adults at the BBC and around the Westminster seat of government to focus their attentions on even younger kiddies - hence there would manifest the real risk that we’re sending out a message to our already sick society that sex between some greying flabby DJ with a Roller and a big cigar - or paunchy cabinet minister having a ménage à trios with a couple of Year 5 elementary school pupils - is perfectly acceptable.”
“Really, it’s about time some fucker and their dog woke up to what’s being proposed here – lowering the age of sexual consent is a pederast’s wet dream come true.”

Making sure he got in on the act and said something, regardless of how irrelevant or asinine, Deputy Prime Minister Mick Clogg opined to a press hack from the Kiddie Fiddlers Review that internet pornography – especially so the ‘dark zone’ paedo websites - was causing young people to have strange expectations concerning sexual relationships – specifically if couples were supposed to be Adam and Eve – or Adam and Steve – and was it legal to bonk woolly farm animals?

Conversely shadow public health minister Fellattia van der Gamm called for mandatory sex and relationship education from nursery level, then had the nerve to boast that “The teenage pregnancy rate fell substantially under our last New Labour government – even if it was due to Peter Scandalson and the rest of the cabinet fudgers pushing their ‘gay is great – try it’ mission creep policy.”

However, according to the International Child & Youth Care Network, an age of consent set at 16 years negatively affects the teenage population of the UK in their own right – and further serves to criminalise upward of 50% of Roman Catholic priests, Boy Scout masters, BBC DJs, cabinet ministers – and the male cast of Coronation Street.

Yet at the other end of the yea / nay debate spectrum we have a split-arsed barrister from Hardon & Hardon Chambers in London, Ms Barbara Hewson, who in one of her frequent ‘blonde moments’ claimed the sex crimes committed by Stuart ‘Knobber’ Hall amount to low-level ‘slap on the wrist’ misdemeanours – and this paedophile hounding inquisition and persecution is the manipulation of the British criminal justice system to produce scapegoats on demand.

“What we need is the age of consent lowering to 13 to accommodate the perverted purposes of child sex aficionados - then there won’t be any paedophile crimes and the likes of poor Sir Jimmy Savile and old Cyril Porky Smith can enjoy their slap and tickle games in peace.”

Ms Hewson argued that “pinching a 16-year-old’s nipples, necking with a 13-year-old, or sticking one’s willy in between a comely 14-year-old’s luscious lips are not comparable to cases such as the kiddie bummings and murders that occurred on Ted Heath’s yacht around Jersey – or the sphincter-stretching suck and swallow gang rapes which became a regular Sunday School activity at St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Pederasts in Smegmadale back in the 1960’s - until the choir boys poisoned the offending priests with an overdose of their own Viagra by spiking the communion vino.”

Thought for the day. In 1875 the Offences Against the Persons Act raised the age of sexual consent from 12 to 13 in Britain and Ireland; then was further revised in 1885 under the Criminal Law Amendment Act which raised it again – to the current 16 years of age – all committed with the welfare of our precious youth in mind and not to be undone by permissive politicos with a pederast bent.

Regardless, in a bid to accommodate the perverted deviant tastes of the child molesting sectors of our sick global society, the People’s Marxist Republic of China’s DHgate.com website is selling kiddie-sized sex dolls named the ‘Licky-Sucky 69’ costing $180 apiece and has commenced shipping to online purchase customers in Japan and across Europe and the good ole US of A.

DHgate is now catching flack from all quarters of the ‘civilised’ (sic) world for thumbing their noses at socio-moral taboos by manufacturing and marketing this sex doll described as being ‘a beautiful young girl or boy sex partner for those discerning dirty old men who don’t want to end up in jail’ – and being very flexible with all three self-lubing holes ready for use.

Stop press / drop the dead donkey: Saudi Arabia, the UAE and Kuwait are alleged to be engaged in a bidding war over the purchase of the DHgate factory’s stock production of inflatable goats for the next year.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.