Top Plod Disses Soup Kitchens

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Croydon’s most senior Plod Squad moron this week threw the social restraints of political correctness to the vagaries of the four winds, opining to a gutter press hack from the Pariahs Gazette that marginalised and disaffected members of Broken Britain’s diseased ‘Big Society’ - the ‘unclean’ homeless and job-seeking poor - only use soup kitchens so they can blow their welfare benefits cash on Shite Lightning Cider, B & Q’s Black Label Meths and Halford’s 10 year First Malt Anti-Freeze.

The Asbo Borough’s Police Commander Dave ‘Porky Plod’ Musker claims the soup kitchen in Queen’s Gardens, run by the Old Mother Hubbard charity, and whose sole purpose of existence is aimed at helping the disenfranchised section of our sick society’s 99% ’Have Nots’ - is instead the root cause of moral deterioration and social decadence, and being fraternised by drunks and druggies out to cause aggro’ – and whenever possible – total mayhem.

“If these scumbag losers had any nuance an’ gumption about them, they’d get a job wiv our local police force as a PCSO, or a Community Enforcement Officer – or if they’re like wot London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense reckons an’ part of the 85% demographic majority wot’s got the IQ of an effin’ hamster an’ too thick to qualify fer a blue helmet an’ a stab vest, they can always sign up wiv G4S or Serco’s Renta-Thug Security Agency cos they hire any twat wot will work fer minimum wages.”
“But there again they need ter be quick cos come New Year, then we’re gonna have shedloads of effin’ vulgar Bulgars an’ Romanian Gyppos an' Pikeys comin’ over an’ snappin’ up them vacancies like magpies on a bit of tasty roadkill.”

Conversely Bev Titwank, spokeswoman for Croydon’s ‘Two Jumps at the Cupboard Door’ foodbank charity, gave her thoughts on the issue to a reporter from the Knobheads Review.
“Chief Superintendent Muskrat’s comments are markedly lacking in factual substance, and while he might be seen as the expediter regarding this campaign to remove any and all ‘undesirable elements’ from the Croydon Borough – which in his myopic professional vision are attracted by the soup kitchen - the main mover and shaker is the empathy-deficient Tony Brooks, a Camden plod squad reject who’s now the local council’s head of public safety and ‘compliance’ who seems to have learned his social engineering strategies not so much from one of Common Purpose’s Agenda 21 implementation courses but the pages of Mao’s Red Book and Pol Pot’s ‘The Art of Community Relations’.”

Likewise Ms Fellattia Gammer, chairman of the now-controversial Queen’s Park ‘Old Mother Hubbard’ soup kitchen charity, had this to say to media hacks.
“Since this disaster of a Con-Dem Nasty Party-dominated Coalition government slithered into Downing Street in 2010 and kick started these outrageous welfare benefits cuts to the genuinely needy, we have record numbers of unemployed and homeless using the kitchen of an evening for a bite to eat and a hot drink -sometimes up to 5,000 people a night.”
“Just for the public record here, we were named the council’s voluntary organisation of the year in 2012 – and have run the soup kitchen in Queen’s Gardens since 1974.”

“Obviously this top plod twat Musker and his secret handshake club Freemason mate Tony Brooks are on a very personalised self interest Them & Us ethnic cleansing campaign to clear the neighbourhood of any persons they consider ‘undesirable’ – which in my opinion should start inside Weatherill House with the graft and corruption-ridden council kleptomaniacs themselves – and the flabby Plod Squad troops too with their beer bellies and man tits – get the sodding lot off down to Total Fitness – not Total Fatness.”

“Their fatally flawed argument claims that our soup kitchen is not part of a sustainable solution and contributes to antisocial behaviour and criminality in the area. What would contribute towards a ‘sustainable solution’ is to get these people employed in salaried jobs that return their dignity and sense of purpose in life – and not stacking shelves for sod all at Pound Stretcher or one of the Greedy Grocer supermarket chain outlets like Pestco as compulsory ‘work experience’.

In response Chief Supt Muskrat claimed “Regardless of all this guff from Mrs Gammer about a perfect world situation an’ findin’ jobs fer these scumbags, we need ter be lookin’ at ways ter get them off the streets permanently – an’ the answer ter that in my unqualified opinion is ter go back ter hard labour prison sentences fer vagrancy – then they can be kept busy sewin’ mailbags or makin’ the fillin’s fer land mines an’ gift wrappin’ them depleted uranium thingies wot the Army used in Fallujha wot gives babies two heads.”

Ron McScrote from the radical Anarchy Now activist group described this anti-social cleanup of the unfortunate and stigmatised undesirables by local authorities as being of the Kafkaesque absurd brand of social cosmetics – as the Queen’s Gardens soup kitchen was located next to the Town Hall.

“Muskrat an’ his pal Brooks are the lowest tosspot life forms - a pair of Stalinist dog wankers. These uniformed moronic thugs seem to come over as bein’ unaccountable for their actions, an’ the elite want the poor to disappear – with blanket censorship imposed to silence of criticism an’ dissent.”
“An’ let’s have no soundbite spin crap about ‘dialogue failing’ as there’s never been any dialogue – only another ‘from on high’ commandment out of the mouth of Commander Muskrat: “Thou Shalt Not!”
“This comes over as the scourge of apartheid – government sanctified class racism against the rank and file. Never fuckin’ mind Them n Us - now they don’t want the ‘useless eaters’ to eat – not even a bowl of fucking soup.”

Do you live in Croydon’s Queen’s Gardens area? Have you called in for a quick cup-a-soup at Old Mother Hubbard’s on a cold night? Was it Heinz or some hot-made pea and ham bone concoction?

Send us your ‘politically divergent’ anarchist comments using the online reply form below and you could win a big crust of Wonderloaf or Hovis with your next bowl of soup - (allergy warning: may contain traces of bread).

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Thought for the day. Fuck the Freemasons and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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