Sunday, 8 December 2013

Broken Britain: The ‘Them n Us’ Divide

In today’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Plans to award House of Conmans MPs a mere 11% / £7,600 nicker pay rise - boosting their salaries to £74,000 per annum following the scheduled 2015 general election - have been criticised across Westminster, with the Nasty Party’s Minister for Gluttony, Sir Dinsdale Pork-Barrel, describing them to the media as: "Utterly incomprehensible – what the fuck do these clots over at Ipsa think they’re up to with this measly hike when we asked for a minimum of 15%?”

Parliamentary watchdog Ipsa is set to recommend the rise that will form part of a taxpayer funded $4:6 zillion quid package of changes to MPs' salary and benefits – and see some allowances scrapped – such as the annual moat dredging stipend – and too the controversial ‘floating duck island’ perk which has come under fire for abuse in the past.

Conversely the Lib-Dum’s ginger mingin Treasury minister Danny Alexander opined to one press hack from the Ripoffs Gazette that “This pay hike is a crock of shite and wholly inappropriate while the rest of Broken Britain has wages capped at 1% - or frozen - until global warming thaws this recession thingy out.”
“We can’t justify any such rise while every other fucker and their dog across the entire swathe of the public sector - nurses, lollipop ladies, teachers and poop scoopers – have been forced to swallow Austerity Dave Scameron’s bitter pay restraint pill and are faced with a cost of living crisis which will mean no Santa Claus visit for their kids and two jumps at the cupboard door for Christmas dinner.”

Talk about rubbing salt into the wounds, indeed. Well if nothing else, this outrageous salary hike for our so-called political servants – the MP representatives in the House of Conmans - serves as a stark slap in the face reminder of the burgeoning disparities between ‘Them and Us’ – the 99% / 1% Have’s and Have Nots paradigm.
But there again, these tossers consider themselves an elitist social caste not to be burdened with or their movements and passions restricted by the petty regulations and laws that govern the common herd masses – and have their Parliamentary MP’s season tickets to ride in First Class extravagance on the Gravy Train Express.

Talk about ‘shameless’ – they earn £66,396 nicker a year and can still claim mega-bucks expenses – which include the costs of a second home – when a legion of disaffected Brit’s don’t even have a ‘first home’ to shelter themselves and family. Little wonder Engles and Marx came up with the concept that ‘property is theft’.

To add insult to injury – and piss the common herd off even more - plans to raise the basic state pension age to 70 for people currently in their twenties were laid out in Chancellor ‘Jeff’ Osborne’s Autumn Statement last week.

However with male life expectancy at birth as low as 66 in the most deprived areas of the country – living next door to nuclear power plants and fracking drill sites - public health ‘experts’ (dontcha just love that term – experts) have warned that a “one size fits all” pension age risks condemning many to a life without retirement – as Broken Britain's poor – unlike under-worked and overpaid MPs - will die before they reach pension age if these draconian reforms aren't matched by health improvements.

Scameron’s Con-Dem Coalition morons and cabinet Nudge Unit think tank wallahs need to get their heads round the fact that this Big Society Womb to Tomb ‘caring’ (sic) nanny state that our once-sceptred isle’s successive governments have been fostering is a joke.
We are lumbered with a National Ill-Health Service that treats the symptoms of illness but not the causes – which are indubitably convenience / processed crap foods / lifestyle-related – along with fluoride and aspartame ingestion – plus unhealthy daily doses of electro-magnetic radiation from the goggle box and those cursed ubiquitous cellphones.

Hence it’s not just the fact half the labour force will be dead before they reach their newly-allotted retirement age but they’ll be unfit to work anyway.

Stop press: Drop the dead donkey. Apologies all round to our 649 MPs as Ipsa, in their moronic ignorance, were considering increasing the current salary of £66,396 to anywhere between £73,365 and £83,430, but have now opted for the lower end of the scale figure in recognition of Broken Britain’s current difficult economic circumstances – and chancing the kick start of a violent revolution.
Plus, to put themselves back into the common herd’s ‘good books’ Ipsa have further announced that while raking in a £7,600 quid pay raise each, MPs will no longer be permitted to claim for ‘tea and biscuits’ on their expenses – and public purse funded taxi cabs home will only be permitted after 23:00 – when the Westminster pubs shut.

Well, the Nasty Party’s Department for Works & Pensions Minister, the benefits-slashing Iain Duncan Shit, claims he can live on £60-odd quid a week, so let’s see the proof of the pudding (we think not).

Thought for the day. So much for public service ‘pro bono’ politicians – they’re all in it for ‘their own good’. And the same applies to Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron’s ‘We’re all in this together’ hypocrisy.
The point now is not to whinge and moan about this aberration but formulate a protest to stop it being expedited – perhaps a high-tech revision of Guy Fawkes great idea.

My statuary pension is £120 quid per week x 52 = £6,240. I’d settle for their actual pay hike of £7,600, then I could afford to throw a shovel of coal on the fire now and again instead of trying to burn chopped up traffic cones to keep warm.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


wiggins said...

These are the same hypocritical wankers who used to go into meltdown mode when any Union Boss asked for an increase for his - underpaid - members.....

Rusty said...

Hmmm, an afterthought: mistresses and trophy wives are classed as ‘high maintenance assets’ – and now the same rule seems to apply to politicians – but then again while the ‘high maintenance’ factor fits to a tee, the ‘assets’ part is way off the mark.
More at 'encumbrance' or 'impediment' perhaps.

Anonymous said...

Bollocks to this crap that the MP's don't want a pay hike - the back benchers have been pushing for one - and the fault lies with Ipsa.
So who the fuck have the government got running Ipsa - a bunch of rock apes?
Knowing that the UK is in a state of wage freeze austerity they believe it is justifiable to bump up MP's pay cheques by 11%?
They've got zero socio-political naunce in their thick heads.