Mandela Tribute: Pre-Xmas Hypocrisy Special

In today’s ‘Memorial of the Year’ special we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches from our Soweto ‘Dark Side’ correspondent Winnebago Jaffacake hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire by our resident team of black propagandists to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

BBC News correspondent Pumza Fellattio, speaking from Johannesburg, reported that millions of South Africans watched in gob-smacked amusement today as an elbowing, pushing and shoving array of world leaders attempted to form an orderly queue, all salivating like Pavlov’s dog for their turn at the rostrum to present their personalised soundbite-ridden eulogy in praise of the deceased Nelson Roli-Poli-Hoho Mandela – better known by his N’Kunta tribal name Spearchucker Madiba.- and his 1960’s ANC nom de guerre of Umkhonto we Sizwe - the Darkie Pimpernel.

The former South African political activist, innovator of 'Necklacing' and the country's first black president died last Thursday, aged 195, with the country observing a series of commemorations leading up to his funeral on Sunday.

Today’s memorial service was held in front of a rain-sodden crowd in Soweto’s ‘Soccer City’ FNB Stadium, with a veritable Biblical multitude braving the unseasonably cold weather to get a look at the visiting foreign celebrities from more than 90 countries putting in a cursory appearance – plus boo and shout insults at the incumbent president, arch-greedster and pederast bigamist Jacob Zuma – along with the equally rapacious members of his Kleptocracy Party government – an act of open defiance swiftly put down by Zuma’s Tonton Macoute bodyguards.

US President Barky Obama, chewing on a cigar presented to him by Cuban Premier Raul Castro, staged a private eulogy from his personal mobile teleprompter lectern combo, with Michelle stood alongside him, sporting a fat ass that would be the envy of any Hottentot skanger and taking ‘selfies’ with her phone.
Addressing a crowd of several wet security guards from the G4S Renta-Thug Agency, Obama opined that "We may never see the likes of Nelson Mandela again and his political record makes me want to be a better man and stop telling lies and okaying drone attacks and giving the Israeli scumbags the thumbs up to keep on marginalising the Palestinians – and just tell the Rothshite banksters to ‘fuck off’ – but then I’ll end up like Kennedy."

Broken Britain’s Prime Minister Posh Dave Scameron attended Tuesday's memorial with Deputy Prime Minister Mick Clogg in tow – along with New Labour’s child wunderkind leader Ed Millipede and former PM disasters Gordon Broon and international war criminal Tony Bliar – all travelling together on a schedule British Scareways flight.

While Posh Dave was advised by Foreign Office mandarins to forgo wearing his lucky Robertson’s jam ‘Golly’ badge on the occasion of this Busby Berkeley hypocrisy extravaganza, the entire British delegation were cautioned over any mention of the Bell Curve Deficiency Syndrome – or the fact that while Africa might well be vaunted as the cradle human life it’s now at the arse end of the evolutionary ladder – or making impromptu ‘nigga in the woodpile’ comments, or shouting “Hey kaffir!” when summoning a taxi or trying to get served in the hotel bar.

Scameron’s MI6 ‘Increment’ close-in protection thugs eventually cleared a path through the waiting dignitaries to the rostrum and dragged off the long-winded Saudi Ambassador, Prince Ras al Shitbag, so Dave could deliver his message, specially texted to him by Downing Street’s ultra-canny spokeswoman ‘Soundbite’ Scabby Bertin.

Unlike the elitist visiting dignitaries and the Zuma oligarchs crowd, thousands of the common herd spectators stood for hours in the pissing rain waiting to gain entrance to the stadium and then get even wetter - were not overly impressed when Scameron opened his eulogy with the lines “Funny really, when I was at school I had a hamster called Nelson …” … then followed by the moronic fact that Mandela was eternally honoured in Scotland since being awarded the Freedom of the City of Glasgow in 1981.

However Scameron’s speech came to an embarrassing close with him rapidly exiting ‘stage left’ when he was espied by former BOSS torture chief Slick Pik Botha, in conclave with a half-sozzled group of his former Kick-a-Kaffir Club cohorts, who shouted “Hey look boys, der’s Maggie Twatcher’s errand boy, that ‘hondenaaier’ scumbag Pelindaba Dave!” – which elicited a chorus of heckling from the crowds of “De Honkeys got de Bomb! - Whitey's got de Bomb!”

The BBC’s Pumza Fellattio reported that the crowds were in high spirits - singing and dancing, stomping their feet - and the stadium had the feel of the Roman coliseum on ‘Strictly to the Death’ Gladiator night.
Conversely, rather than seeing the rain as a damper on the auspicious occasion, many locals welcomed the deluge as a blessing from on high to put out the blazing infernos caused by rioting arsonist miscreants – a nightly Soweto occurrence.

The ceremony was closed by Nobel Peace Prize laureate, the Very Reverend Archbishop Goodluck Crackerbarrel , who requested the crowd to behave, stop stamping their feet and shouting ‘Hey Macarena!’ every time the band started up.

Really, one question only – while super-slapper and tanning lounge model Naomi Campbell was in town for a mooch around to see if she could scrounge another bag of conflict diamonds off some black regime despot for the price of a quick cuddle and a blowjob - WTF was that dog-wanking tosser Bono doing there?

Thought for the day. Alas and woe, the entire memorial occasion for a great man who hoofed the boring Boers out of office turned into a vulgar Dog n Pony Show political spectacle by an egocentric scrum of posturing politicians - a crew of hypocrites who actually represent the very forces of imperialism, capitalism, and subjugation – and only view ‘human rights’ as two words on a piece of paper – akin to the most apartheid social status term of ‘Them and Us’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.