Clegg Blocks Corruption E-Mails Release

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Lib-Dum ‘Losers Party’ leader Nick ‘Forked Tongue’ Clegg stands accused of being at the centre of a Con-Dem Coalition coverup and responsible for ordering a blocking / gag order on the release of a string of scandalous e-mails which reveal how the fiddling twat fast-tracked £12 zillion nicker of taxpayers’ hard-earned cash to some dodgy charity linked to his slapper of a missus, Miriam.

As a result of this ‘something to hide’ strategy Whitehall mandarin Sir Fido Pitt-Bull, the government’s chief dodgy information ‘watchdog’ – allegedly acting on orders from the Ministry for Disinformation Protocols ‘and’ an unnamed Deputy Prime Minister, has now refused to release emails linked to the controversial award due the possible abuse of official position ‘corruption’ factor involved being a catalyst for generating yet another storm front of public ire and outrage over acts of malfeasance by elected government scumbags.

This scandalous ban – condemned by Clegg’s own Librarian Dummercrat MPs – follows a year-long drive by the Cabinet Office’s Behavioural Insights Team (Nudge Unit) to suppress details of how Clegg’s Downing Street advisers successfully lobbied for Ducktrust to receive automatic funding, rather than having to bid against other equally – and more deserving - charities.

The £12  zillion quid handout was ‘awarded’ following Miriam Clegg’s hosting of a mega-bucks lavish reception for the charity – which promotes teaching ducks and diverse wildfowl breeds to read – an action that led to a verbal shit-fight within Whitehall after civil service mandarins with their own agendas to pursue – and favourite charities in need of a few bob - argued that abandoning public tender procedures to favour Mrs Clegg’s silly ‘duck-book’ charity was unfair.

Following a veritable war on several government fronts by investigative press hacks from the Daily Shitraker to be provided with copies of Clegg’s incriminating emails under Freedom of Information legislation, the Information Commissioner Sir Fido Pitt-Bull has ruled they should be kept secret and locked away with the Operation Ore paedophile list and Peter Scandalson’s Paris A & E medical records in the Tower of London as disclosure would have a chilling effect and be prejudicial to the conduct of Government - and probably kick start yet another outbreak of nationwide dummy-spitting riots and a long-overdue bloody revolution.

In his ruling, Sir Fido Pitt-Bull, advised by Cabinet Office Minister Francis ‘Jerrycan’ Maude, the Tory MP for Horseshoes, to ‘bury these fucking emails – and be quick about it’ - admitted there was a public interest in the disclosure of information and processes that lead to such decisions being wholly transparent and devoid of any form of impropriety in the award – as the biased funding decision could now well have a negative knock-on effect on the ‘avian educational opportunities’ for other species of birdlife.

Conversely this primary decision was overridden by the need for Ministers to be ‘fireproof’ even if they were guilty of meddling with inflammable issues – such as stacking the deck where tender bids and specifically charity awards involving their own family were concerned.

Pitt-Bull concluded: “The withheld information contains candid and frank exchanges that were clearly conducted without engaging brain first – and in the expectation they would never see the light of day or become part of an audit and hence the cause of questions regarding possible corrupt if not criminal intent in bypassing the usual tender channels for charity award applications simply to keep the Deputy PM’s wife sweet.”

Thought for the day. So much for open door government, yet haven’t we heard it all before? Need to know basis only. In the interests of national security. Defence of the Realm. WTF next - 90 year seal gagging orders on everything?
Hmmm, the 24/7 panopticon surveillance society concept only works on the common herd – and not privileged government officials who can abuse public trust at will – and with guaranteed impunity.

Yet it all comes down to the conundrum of the arrestable class and the unarrestable class – specifically the fact the PTB labour under the misapprehension that crimes by members of the elite must be swept under the rug due the fact that prosecuting them would destabilise the system. Too fucking right it would if they all end up behind bars for their sins – then we could install an honest crew to run the fucking country – and finally track down the Devil-worshipping kiddie fiddling paedos that infest the corridors of power.

Addendum: Bet Cleggy would like to slap a gagging order on his election campaign pledges too – student tuition fee hikes, the Tory VAT bombshell, mansion tax, Constitutional reform, Sure Start protection and 3,000 extra plods on the beat - all rendered null and void after he accepted the Judas Coalition thirty pieces of silver from the Tory hierarchy.

To wit, while now going into PR salvage mode by shoving an extra £250 million quid into the Sheffield-based British Business Bank (currently in the process of being set up by the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next) in a bid to help small companies survive Broken Britain’s recession-stricken flatline economic situation, no amount of positive sound bite spin can repair the political damage caused by his failure to ensure delivery of the pledged loan of a mere £80 million nicker to his own constituency’s Sheffield Forgemasters. This twat’s political career is dead in the water come the advent of the next general election.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.