Sheeple Billed for MP Charity Donations

In today’s ‘Common Herd Taxpayer Ripoffs' exposé edition, we happy few, manning the beleaguered ramparts and battlements at Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill, bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all critical thinking non-conformists, aspiring proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial - and harbour zero respect or empathy for the privilege-abusing authoritarian 0:01% PTB oligarchy that believe they rule this world and all upon its mantle.

The gospel according to an editorial in this week's copy of the Grand Larceny Review, a Nasty Party MP, Harriett Baldwin, (Wicked Worcester) - promoted last week to Minister for Africa (a continent comprised of 54 nations – and all geo-political entities the diplomacy-deficient US President Chump has so eloquently labelled 'shitholes') - in Terry Mayhem's latest cabinet 'musical chairs' reshuffle, attempted to claim a £50 nicker donation to a local hospice as a 'personal expense'.

Hmmm, a pity the Tory's bad joke of a leader, PM Mayhem, didn't appoint Baldtwit to the post of Minister for Embezzlement – but too many House of Conmans bottom feeders already qualify for that prized position.

Though, truth be known, the Botox-deficient blonde broomstick jockey is simply following in the rapacious, expenses-fiddling criminal intent footsteps - (floating duck palaces / country pile moat dredging / drawbridge repainting) - of her House of Conmans contemporaries.

In the wake of her expenses claim being outright rejected by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority – and getting slagged-off big time on an international scale via the Twitter character assassination network – (immoral, empathy-deficient skanger) – Tory MP, Harriett Mary Morison Baldwin (née Eggonmyface), proffered the feeble excuse that she suffered one of her habitual lapses of judgement and had a 'bit of a post-menopausal blonde moment' when filing her claim.

This latest Parliamentary expenses-fiddling scandal involves Ms Baldtwat claiming for a £50 quid entry ticket to an award ceremony at the Lee & Perrins Worcester Sauce funded hospice for retired gherkin jugglers - a venue located in her own Tory constituency – and her non-entity attendance fingered by Corbyn's Trotskyite Labour opposition as a 're-electioneering' exercise.

For PM Maybot - facing calls to fire Baldwin's thieving ass from the cabinet office and exile her to the back benches – and her constituents to deal appropriately with at the next election – this is just another fuck up in a long line of similar fuck ups she's had to endure since Posh Dave Scameron's major fuck up with sanctioning the 2016 EUSSR In or Out referendum.

The sticky-fingered Baldwin was first elected to the Westminster 'Fagin's Den' in 2010 - since which time – over seven years - she has claimed a whopping £1.1 million quid in personal expenses – (£160,000 per annum average ) - including 60 payments of under £2 nicker – and one of which was 45 pence for a half mile rickshaw journey.

Hmmm, to paraphrase the old adage: 'charity might well start at home' - but this from an MP on a basic (sic) House of Conmans annual salary of £74,962 quid salary - plus an additional £66,543 cabinet minister's pay packet (£141,505 total) - plus, as stated above, average annual expense claims of £160,000 nicker.

Oh my, would not we, of the common herd sector of society, bend over backwards (well, perhaps not quite that far) to be in receipt of such a bumper pay packet- as opposed to struggling to survive on a basic state pension.

When reflecting on the above paragraph, detailing Baldwin's money-grubbing cheapskate tendencies, then one is left with a distinct impression she's a klepto-inclined rip-off merchant – and the type to prompt a person to count their fingers if coerced into shaking her sticky paws.

Ahead of the Nasty Party's 2011 Autumn Statement, six leading MPs from the 2010 Tory intake put forward a series of hare-brained radical proposals to stimulate economic expansion in 'Growth, Growth, Growth: New Ideas for Growth and Prosperity in the 21st Century' – a piece of juvenile claptrap published by the Centre for Policy Studies.

Harriett Baldthing's contribution was to propose that: 'Broken Britain should learn the lessons of benefit reform introduced by President Clinton in the United States of Israel. This should include not increasing benefits in line with the number of children in benefit-dependent households and localising the level of benefits viz sink or swim social housing areas'.

The intellectually-challenged 'We always vote Tory' Worcester constituents who put a ballot sheet cross against Baldtwit's name should take careful note of the above statement prior to the next election.

Thought for the day. Are you the brazen hubris type who claims for charitable donations on your company expense account – or yearly tax return? The odd couple of quid to some hapless shop doorway rough sleeper – or Big Issue sales-person?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a complimentary offshore tax haven secret numbered bank account to stash your ill-gotten expenses.

A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location – so HMRC know which door to come knocking on.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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