House of Conmans Confirms Ignominious Sobriquet

Once again, the latest and greatest in 'Dysfunctional Government' scandal-mongering hot gossip and 'shock n awe' exposés from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into razor-edged bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding anti-authoritarian non-conformists, proto-nihilists and those eclectic career radical, pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg recusant bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial - and harbour zero respect or empathy for the privilege-abusing authoritarian 0:01% oligarchy that believe they rule this world and all upon its mantle.

Yep, the banner headline says it all: House of Conmans Confirms Ignominious Sobriquet – a mortifying and shameful 'Den of Thieves' moniker.

If any snowflake tosser or their dog (Tory voters included) harbour the slightest modicum of 'sympathy' (a word found in the dictionary between 'shit' and 'syphilis') for Nasty Party PM, Terry 'Incompetence' Mayhem, in the wake of her latest three hole shafting last week - by France's 'Gorf 1' President, Emmanuel Microbe (and his manky migrant extortion sting) – this weekend's gutter press and goggle box skunk media narratives carry the harbinger of 'more bad publicity' on the horizon.

Specifically, that a score of televised bake-off reality shows will be hard pressed to distract the voting common herd's attention away from - if the aforesaid media casts its focus on the recent ministerial musical chairs tango, shakes its collective head in disgust at the vomitous 'fresh talent' intake - and demands a total 'government reshuffle' (general election) as opposed to a bit of a pick n mix make over of her Monty Python cabinet - where a dysfunctional 'congress' of buffoons, IQ-deficient political wannabes, career trough dwellers and treasonous EUSSR stooge Remainiacs rule the roost.

Now down to the essence of the impending opprobrium.
Three ex-Tory cabinet ministers have been caught in a Mayfair consultancy sting by a Honkers-based Manchu 'Dragon Lady' - and lured to a Chinese company's luxury offices where they were plied with promises of gilded lucre, the carnal services of Albanian child sex slaves - and an all-expenses paid round trip to the Middle Kingdom - in return for their unscrupulous co-operation (blackmail-worthy insider confidentialities and lobbying activities) with high net worth Chinese commercial interests set to boost their investment portfolios by cashing in on Broken Britain's break from the EUSSR kleptocracy – and help navigate the shifting political, regulatory and legislative frameworks in the UK and across Europe once Brexit is done and dusted.

Those allegedly targeted were ex-Ill-Health Secretary, Andrew 'Care UK' Lansley, ex-Trade Secretary Peter 'call me Bruce' Lilley, and disgraced former Chief Shit, Andrew 'Plebgate' Mitchell – who on Sunday, following lunch at their Westminster-based New Welcome Masonic Lodge (5139), collectively swore, in the omnipotent presence of three Bishops and a Magistrate, that they were innocent of any and all wrongdoing.

Hmmm, suspicious how this dodgy trio are all 'ex' or 'former' something or other.

To expedite the sting in classic Hollywood film noire fashion, Channel 4's 'Shitraker Hour' production team invited the politicians to an office in the exclusive area of St James's to meet with Ms Feng Shui, who claimed to be the managing director of Wanking Consultants, representing a cartel of Sino zillionaires – (but was in fact acting as an undercover reporter - and in reality the ex-front woman singer with the banned Shanghai-based Falun & the Gongs girly band pop group.

Once inside the Wanking Consultants luxury Mayfair office, the three politicos were plied with glasses of 35 year Old Nonce single malt Scotch, pipes of opium and the 'rub n tug' massage services of Thai ladyboys – then secretly video recorded discussing the proffered remuneration package for advising Chinese tycoons how to make mega-bucks out of Britain leaving the EUSSR kleptocracy.

This latest Westminster sleaze exposure follows a three-month investigation by Channel 4's 'Shitraker Hour' programme.
C4 producer Ron McScrote issued a press statement, claiming: "Wot wiv 650 of the expenses-fiddling bent twats ter choose from we fingered this infamous trio of notoriously sleazy bastards cos of their past 'tainted with opprobrium' records an' inability ter tell the effin' truth - even if they haven't got a lie ready."

"Just wait til we broadcast the programme next week cos all these bullshit denials besides, the lot's on camera an' tape an' our exposé proves that former Tory cabinet monsters are offerin' their services ter private companies as Brexit advisers fer up ter £6,000 quid a day – an' there's sweet fuck all their Masonic secret handshake club brothers can do ter make this latest embarrassing inconvenience simply 'go away'."

"Mr Plebgate Mitchell's denials are crap cos his taped response proves he's a lyin' git an' shows the willingness of MPs and ex-ministers ter enter inter consultancy agreements wiv private clients ter boost their incomes against the backdrop of Brexit."
"So his latest claim that such was in conflict wiv his public duties as an MP is all shite – especially when we have the twat tellin' Ms Feng that fer £6,000 nicker per day he'd be available at any time fer Wanking Consultants - includin' Christmas – an offer of 'instant political service' Mitchell failed ter provide fer voters in his Sutton Coldfield constituency."

Exposed as treacherous, low life money-grubbers, last night all three not only denied any wrongdoing, but Lord Lansley, elevated from the House of Conmans to Vermin in Ermine status and the Upper House of Frauds back in 2015, denies ever meeting Ms Feng Shui and claims he was at a private medical clinic in Geneva undergoing treatment for his chronic 'Avaricio Consumptia' (Greed Syndrome) condition.

Conversely, Peter Lilley excused his involvement by stating for the public record: 'I saw through little Miss Slanty-Eyes' trickery straight away and knew it was an attempt at entrapment, hence did nothing improper. I told her I was already on the advisory board of the Hong Kong-based Triads-R-Us corporation and would end up with my legs broken if I went moonlighting for another dodgy Chinese outfit."

Likewise, going into his customary holier-than-thou 'denial mode', Andrew Mitchell stated "I have done absolutely nothing wrong and behaved with total propriety. The allegations against me – same as those lying bastard Plod Squad goons and the Downing Street Plebgate scam - are a total distortion. MPs are allowed a couple of back-up jobs and my esteemed Chinese constituents have to wait their turn, same as the Sutton Coldfield plebs.'

Mitchell further claimed he was tipped off by his pals at MI5 that the meeting was a contrived Channel 4 media sting organised and funded by the Brussels EUSSR hierarchy boss, Jean-Claude Drunkard - to undermine Terry Maybot's leadership and the Tory Party government - triggering a political crisis and general election – with Vince Cable's Lib-Dums winning the day at the all-new Diebolt touch screen ballot boxes - then forming a Remainiac government coalition with Gina Miller's nouveaux Immigrant Scum Party – and jointly ditch the Brexit plans.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness.
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