Royal Wedding : Homeless Pariahs Verboten

In today’s ‘Royal Wedding Rag-Arse Roundup' exposé edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from our rough sleeper media correspondent, Jake McScrote, manning the live news cellphone hotline from under his rhododendron bush squat in Windsor's Frogmore Gardens for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial - and harbour zero respect or empathy for the privilege-abusing authoritarian 0:01% parasitic oligarchy that believe they rule this world and all upon its mantle.

The Nasty Party leader of Windsor Council, Slimy Simon Dudley, pissed off at the fact he's not on the Royal Wedding invite list - has sparked a furious public backlash after vindictively demanding the town's Plod Squad clear the area of vulnerable homeless people before the advent of the May 19th Windsor Castle wedding of Prince Harry to American tourist-slapper and 'Spoiled Royal' wannabe, Meghan Sparkle, in his Granny Liz' personal St George's Chapel 'chat with God' prayer spot.

Dudley, the type of tosser who prompts people to count their fingers if they've been unfortunately coerced into shaking his clammy hand, has instigated a Donald Chump style 'Fire n Fury' response from socio-political groups after demanding the Windsor Plod Squad use powers granted under the 1824 Vagrancy Act and 2014 Anti-Social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Act to tackle the rough sleepers problem - and clear the town of an epidemic of homeless people prior to the royal wedding in May.

The panjandrum boss of the Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead authority - and his Tory council crony pals - have levelled accusations at the rough sleeper community of 'public spaces intimidation' and 'aggressive begging' - and want them evicted en masse and re-located 'somewhere else' before the ginger mingin Royal Cuckoo and Ms Morlock tie the proverbial knot.

Councillor Dudley informed one gutter press hack from the Vagrants Gazette "I'm not having a bunch of unwashed scum in mouldy anoraks and combat jackets, swathed in Sally Army blankets, doing the hands-out rounds of the royalist wedding revenue gorpers - or trying to flog Princess Meghan Sparkle a souvenir copy of the Big Issue and begging for a slice of wedding cake."

Additionally, in a series of ranting tweets, Dudley applies a 'royal town status' angle to push further claims that Windsor residents have had enough of being exploited by career beggars – along with the town's six million annual tourist headcount.

Replying to Dismal Dudley's eviction demands, Thames Valley Plod Squad & Crime Commissioner, Harry 'Pitbull' McGnasher, opined that the majority of the people 'begging' in Windsor were not in fact homeless but actually ex-councillors who had lost their cushy jobs in the last bi-election and were simply trying to earn a few bob by pan-handling.

"But, as to the genuine homeless persons in our sick society that comprise the most vulnerable sector of the Windsor community – many of whom, like Councillor Dudley, have critical mental health issues - we need to protect them by working together - and each agency – specifically Mr Dudley's holier-than-thou council - must understand its own unique responsibilities - as 'housing' is the responsibility of Dudley's council – hence the homeless factor comes right back to their doorstep."

"As far as we're concerned, Dudley's more full of shit than a Christmas goose, as we've only received a couple of complaints viz 'begging with menaces' - which involved a couple of unemployed Albanian rough sleepers who marched one of the town's traffic wardens to an ATM cash point and demanded she withdraw £20 quid so they could buy fishing line and hooks to go poaching carp in the Windsor Park ponds."

Windsor – and specifically it's 11th Century castle - is one of the Queen's favourite residences and she often spends weekends there with her incontinent corgi pack (and equally incontinent Greek husband) and riding her beloved black pony, Dobbin.
Moreover, it attracts 1.36 million visitors each year - and is expected to be inundated with countless legions of brain dead celeb-fascinated punters and tourists – all wetting their pants to catch a glimpse of Prince Harry and Miss Mongol getting hitched.

Cllr Dudley's comments have been criticised by a local homeless charity manager, ex-DVLA driving examiner, Harry 'Airbags' McFubar – himself a rough-sleeper - who described them as 'sickening' and Dudley simply using the advent of the Royal Wedding as an excuse to execute a mass cull of the town's homeless.

"These denigratory festive season announcements are reminiscent of Joseph and Mary's travails in Bethlehem – and the 'no room at the inn' brush-off for homeless Jewish types."
"It's absolutely abhorrent that any fucker or their dog can hold these views in this day and age, especially the lead councillor of the borough and would be more appropriate for Mr Dudley and Windsor Council to get off their slack arses and find homes for these hapless, vagrant victims of a corrupt society – myself included."

"Us poor fuckers sleeping in shop doorways and bus shelters in this bollocks-freezing winter weather are not here by choice, but due the obvious fact that society has failed us. First light on Christmas Day morning there were 12 people laid out in Windsor High Street shop doorways – frozen solid – and not one of us had a visit from Santa."

In total accord with 'Airbags Harry', others took to the Twitter network to express dismay, with one pleading with Dudley to show some modicum of festive season “compassion.”
Que? WTF? Compassion? Some chance. As far as the fascist scum likes of Dudley are concerned 'compassion' equates with 'sympathy' – right there in the dictionary – between 'shit' and 'syphilis'.

Likewise, Home Sickterary, Amber Crudd, agreed with council leader Dudley, and urged the Windsor Plod Squad to tackle the issue before the St George's Chapel ceremony on May 19th - and ensure fresh accommodation – albeit temporary - was provided for homeless people – preferably at neighbouring HMP Bonzefield.

Conversely, on the bright side, Nasty Party Prime Minister Terry Mayhem has announced that pub opening hours will be extended to 01:00 am for the weekend of the royal wedding in May – a strategy expect to rake in an excess of £10 million nicker during the extra hours, according to Glenda McScrote, chief executive of the British Beer and Pissheads Association – who informed a media hack from the Shitfaced Review that "Foreign tourist visitors regard Broken Britain's pubs as a cultural icon – much the same as the scrounging Royal Family – so they all want to join in the celebration fever and swill down loads of Old Headbanger Special Brew and Bitch Thumper lager – then take selfies while throwing up all over the hapless sod stood next to them at the bar."

Ms. Meghan Mongol, whom is being widely referred to, by uncharitable persons, as a gold-digging cunt – has reputedly sparked early controversy by tweeting to her State-side cronies that "Gee n Wow - come May this year I'm gonna be a real Mrs Hewitt – Princess Meghan " – and has contracted the College of Arms to design her personal Saxe-Coburg und Gotha-Windsor-Hewitt-Markel heraldic symbology shield.

Now a Cinderella story fairytale ending would be for Harry to dump Meghan, go scouting round Windsor's parks n shop doorways after dark, then grab some homeless chick – or a 'TS person' – or even 'come out' and flaunt his latent ginger 'gay side' - proposition some down n out faggot and marry them instead.

On a more worrying and disturbing note, US President Donald Humpty-Trumpty has been making incessant unsolicited phone calls to Fuckingham Palace, demanding to speak to 'Liz' – to authorise a state visit invite for himself and his hangers-on entourage to attend May's royal wedding – or else the more at scent than substance US-UK 'special relationship' will be at risk.

Are you a victim of society – a vagrant unfortunate - and squatting in homeless-unfriendly Windsor area? Have you been invited to Harry n Meghan's wedding bash? Has Cllr Dudley threatened to have you evicted from your cosy charity shop doorway dossing spot?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a five nights full room & board stay (with shower n de-lousing services included) at Windsor's Happy Hounds Kennel Club.

A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location – so Cllr Dudley's Community Enforcement Thug Squad know where to find you.

Thought for the day. We know who put the T in Britain, and have a pretty good ides who stuck the 'cunt' in Scunthorpe – but are still scouring for info' on what subversive, guilty tosser shit on top of Meghan's fectal-brown Christmas party hat.

Carbon Credits Cap & Trade Offset Exchange (aka Global Warming / Climate Change Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration:

Disclaimer: While a hefty score of conscience-stifled rabid royals, noncing nobles, political ponces, perjurious Oxford college principals, bent money-laundering Glassie lawyers and corruption-ridden porky plods might have become collateral 'fear and alarm' casualties and thrown into paranoid psychosis states of scandalous exposure anxiety attacks, no innocent non-combatant women and kids - and especially so Muslim migrant refugee 'Junior Jihadi' sprogs – or trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry 'felcher friendly' sized mammals – ferrets and stoats, voles, moles, white mice, bum rats, chinchillas, hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, miniature coypus, dwarf beavers, etcetera, et al – were harmed in posting this insurrectionist Truthsayer epistle.

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Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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