Plod Snuffs Self-Harmer: No Charges

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In keeping with the current trend of moronic thug squad police officers getting away with murder, manslaughter, GBH (plus terrorising Chris Spivey & family) and much else that falls under the criminal offences code of our once-sceptred isle - (see Blair Peach; Patrick Quinn; Daniel Morgan; Chris Alder; Sean Rigg; Jean Charles de Menezes; Ian Tomlinson; Azelle Rodney; Mark Duggan and the venal Stephen Lawrence murder coverup ~ etcetera, et al) - the dingbat plod that wilfully, and with gross stupidity aforethought, tasered a man doused in petrol, thus setting him on fire - an act of delinquency in the course of public duty that resulted in the victim being burned to death - is to be exonerated and won't face criminal proceedings.

The skewed decision not to file charges of negligence will as a consequence now be referred to the Independent Police Coverups Commission, which intends to investigating the erring plod for misconduct - with an evasive Devon and Cornwall Police adhering to a policy of refusing to neither confirm nor deny that PC Numbskull is a total fuckwit who should never have been let loose with a water pistol or BB pellet gun - let alone a 50,000 volt pulse Taser X26 CEW.

Candida Mingerot QC, a senior lawyer in the CPS Special Crime Division, informed one gutter press hack from the Whitewash Gazette: “The evidence suggests that this was a fast-moving incident with events unfolding like a script from TV's Bellenders series - and in near darkness too - from the police approach to the garden to the petrol igniting - the entire incident took less than 41 seconds - including the time it took for PC Numbskull to say the customary interrogative: "Ello,ello, ello, wot ave we ere then?" - before discharging his Taser and setting the victim on fire."

"According to the edited police report, officers had been called to attend a potential self-arson incident in the back garden of a house on Plymouth's Asbestosis Social Housing Estate, where the victim, since identified as a certain Mr Prometheus, was observed to pour a jerry can of high octane petrol over his head then start toying with a box of matches while singing a fair rendition of Ash's 'Free All Angels' album hit -'Burn, Baby, Burn' - at which point PC Numbskull discharged the Taser to stop the victim setting himself on fire."

PC Numbskull could have faced charges of manslaughter by gross negligence and misconduct in a public office, but for the CPS deciding there was insufficient evidence nor was it in the public interest to pursue a prosecution - as Numbskull had acted in a genuine attempt to save Mr Prometheus from an act of self-immolation - by - er - killing him - and a jury was likely to accept his decision to disable the victim with his Taser - rather than guarantee the success of the threatened suicide attempt.

Ron McScrote, director of the Twat-Watch government abuse monitor charity, had this to say to a Daily Shitraker reporter.
"Wot the fuck goes on, I ask yer? Effin' tasers is supposed ter cause neuro muscular incapacitation, not set the perp on fuckin' fire. Now we got the CPS sayin' there woz no crime and the IPCC whitewash merchants are gonna investigate the case. More bollocks an' bullshite wot will come ter nowt cos they're as bad as the effin' Plod Squad - only good fer subvertin' investigations inter charges of kiddie fiddlin' filed against members of Broken Britain's parasitic royal nobility an' the Masonic elitist political panjandrums in Westminster an' the BBC's paedo-scum celeb DJs."

Conversely Mr Prometheus' death is yet another in a stream of controversial cases involving the use of high voltage stun guns by moronic plods - as instanced in the disgusting case of blind pensioner Colin Farmer, who was shot and floored with one of the purportedly non-fatal weapons while walking down the street in his hometown of Chorley, Lancashire, when PC Shit-for-Brains mistook his white stick for a Samurai sword - and following a disciplinary tribunal that smacked his limp wrist, was further admonished by an Independent Police Coverups Commission hearing and advised to 'go to Specsavers'.

Which, to all intents and purposes, was one better that the 2012 case of James McCarthy who suffered a heart attack after he was shot twice with a taser at a hotel in Liverpool and is currently suing the Scouseland Plod Squad for all they're worth.

Thought for the day. Does anyone ever get an intuitive feeling we're all stuck in a Groundhog Day deja vu version of April Fool's?
Since 2004, a disturbing count of 827 people have died during or following police contact (sic). Families have struggled hard for justice, encountering multiple failures and police collusion from the Independent Police Coverups Commission - and with Plod Squad accountability coming in at a big fat zero.

To conclude, fuck the Orwellian Mason-infested corrupt Plod Squad - and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.