FCA Hoofs Willy Wonga's Money Factory

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a superb 'Karma Rules' kickback move by the Financial Conduct Authority, the payday loan shark mafia has been penalised for not taking adequate steps to assess customers’ ability to meet repayments in a sustainable manner following complaints that the likes of Rabbi Reuben's Smiley Face Finance had been dispatching teams of pigshit-thick morons from the G4S Renta-Thug Collection Agency to chase up defaulting clients, which resulted in front doors getting booted down and telly's snatched - along with pram loads of kids who were sold on to the local pikey paedo child sex trafficking gangs as ready cash conversion collateral to offset arrears.

This crackdown to clean up the currently disreputable consumer money-lending market means a heads up pre-Christmas windfall for a Biblical legion of credit-deficient losers who - faced with 'hand-to-mouth' no alternative situations due the Con-Dem coalition government's DWP Minister, Iain Dunkin Shit, slashing their welfare benefits and slapping them with Bedroom Tax charges - were forced to take out short term loans from controversial kikester moneylender Freddy Fagin's Usury Central and became victims of the debt entrapment system - are to have their outstanding liabilities cancelled in an executive action move expected to initially cost the loan sharking industry in excess of £200 million nicker - an amount referred to by grasping banksters at the St Mammon’s Filthy Lucre Credit Union as 'lots and lots of money'.

The gospel according to the usury pages of this morning's Ripoffs Gazette, the hardest hit to date is payday loan market top dog, Willy Wonga's Money Factory (read 'debt factory') who have raked in zillions via toxic finance and profiteering from human frailty by pursuing the promotion of credit and materialism and thus creating a landscape wilderness of unserviceable debt.

Thus the disreputable vulture fund likes of Willy Wonga; SlickQuid; Pound of Flesh Loans; Ripoff Readies; ScabCash and the notoriously avaricious Shylock Scatberg's Pounds-to-Penury payday loans outfit will be forced to wipe clean the debts of 330,000 customers now trapped in arrears of over 30 days, while a further 45,000 hapless borrowers will have to repay their loans - albeit exempt from the 'typical' usurious 7500% APR interest charge.

But for the Willy Wonga Money Factory this isn't the first time they've come under heavy criticism and copped a barrage of flack for professional (sic) malpractices - as exampled by the £2.6 million quid they were forced to fork out to an excess of 45,000 customers after pulling a dodgy debt collection caper - sending out 'pay up or else' demand letters from non-existent law firm Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot.

To add to their well-deserved angst, since July the firm has been banned from producing TV adverts designed to attract gullible youngsters, and specifically its campaign using wrinkly Granny puppets, screened during children’s peak telly viewing – in a blatant attempt to tempt kids to get a pocket money boost and blow it all on video games or drugs - or both.

Further, the erring Willy Wonga brand was forced to apologize to New Labour's Stella Greasy MP in 2012 after she used Parliamentary privilege to brand all payday loans as virtual ‘debt traps’ - with Wonga's Money Factory hit men launching a hate campaign against her on Twitter, calling her a 'blonde moment bonkers cunt' - and inciting a stream of rape threats and other nasty misogynistic messages.

Bev Titwank, spokeswoman for the Short-Changed debt charity, stated for the public record that “What these scumbag kikester moneylenders are doing with their telly adverts is a disgrace - an iniquitous practice which is morally reprehensible. They’re aiming to convince kids that borrowing a stash of cash is a social norm, creating an actual ‘belief system’ of insta-dinero out of thin air. Live now and pay later – with Mammon, the God of Greed as the ultimate, omnipotent deity.”

“Just look at this other bunch of bottom feeders, Freddy Fagin’s Payday Loans – yet another tentacle of the Rothshite bankster Kosher Nostra’s crime syndicate. It’s all fuelled by greed and loan sharking usury – and with 7,500% APR interest rates quoted as normal, this presents an iniquitous moral crime surpassed only by child molesting - or the US-approved theft of Palestinian lands by the outlaw Israeli government.”

“Further, the FCA will have perhaps taken note that this social blight doesn’t go down too well in the nations of Pan-Islam where usury is condemned in the pages of the Koran and a crime under Sharia Law.”
“Plus the skewed notion of a voluntary regime set up by these dodgy lenders to allow themselves to self-regulate and enforce the way loans are marketed and granted – and defaulters chased up – is a moronic scheme. That’s like having PC Foxy holding the keys to the henhouse and being expected to carry out an impartial investigation into the case of the missing chickens.”

“It all comes down to the simple fact that payday loans are a debt trap – a rigged game with money conjured out of thin air - and this scam we refer to as the crapitalist monetary system, fielded by multi-national corporate-dominated shill governments, has been fixed since its inception – along with the fractional reserve banking scam - to the detriment of the many and benefit of the few.”

“Just take a look at the YouTube video footage this bent Amigo Loans outfit used – showing two Mexican Zetas Cartel characters armed with machetes and chopping the heads off purported loan defaulters to get ‘the message’ across about the definition of ‘short term’ - which prefixes the actual ‘loan’ wording.”
“Then we have SlickQuid running a commercial in which a gang of ne’er do well gyppo travellers approach the loan applications desk and simply flash their gold teeth to show they have collateral – then get handed a bag full of tenners – which is meant to demonstrate the company can grant and dole out loans faster than shit through a goose.”

The adverse side of the coin was heard from Feral Beryl McSkanger, an unemployed 16-year old mother of three and resident of Greater Manchester’s Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate.
“These effin’ payday loan ad’s on the telly do me fuckin’ head in when yer got the kids ballin’ down me fuckin’ ear ‘Mum, Mum, why don’t yer take out a Willy Wonga payday loan then we can all move ter Spain an’ get out of this shithouse British weather’. Really, I could strangle the little twats at times.”

“I wanted ter be a catwalk model an’ rake in mobs of moolah but me arse is too big cos of all the junk food crap they serve up fer school lunches, an’ the only qualification I got is an NVQ 1 in Welfare Benefit Fraud.”
“Anyways I only cop a loan off the fuckers once a month - when I’m on the rags an’ can’t go out floggin’ me golly down at Doggers Wood in Wythenshawe Park – an’ if I pull a couple of three-holer tricks in a night then I can afford ter pay back the money, includin’ the skyrocket interest rates, the next week.”

Thought for the day. Irony personified: Kerry ‘Blonde Moment’ Katona, Atomic Kitten singer and a shit-for-brains reality TV star, appeared in GashLady ads until she was dropped like a pet scorpion on crack after being unable to muster up the spondoolies to repay her loans - and was consequently declared bankrupt back in 2008 due running up more debts than some Third World kleptocracy regime.

The only good part viz credit card debt and usurious bank / payday loans and mortgages etc is that when the entire crapitalist money magic machine goes tits up, the slate’s going to be wiped cleaner than Dandini’s tambourine.
Hmmm, we wonder if these bankster and loan shark types have thought this one through yet?

Regardless, fuck the kikester moneylenders and the Freemason Satanists - and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.