In today’s ‘Silly Slapper Surgery' exposé edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from our teenage undercover media correspondent, 'Mad Mollie' McSkanger, manning her covert live news smart phone hotline from the rear of the sharps bin storage alcove at London's St Pudenda's Pussy Clinic for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into razor-edged bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
While the Nasty Party's not fit for purpose Health Minister, Jeremy Klunt, is primarily responsible for the unresolved downward slide of Broken Britain's National Ill-Health Service due his treacherous covert attempt to flog it off to a cabal of predatory overseas investors via a privatisation bargain basement fire sale PFI scam – the bankrupt mess of pottage isn't being helped to stay 'in budget' by pubescent schoolgirls watching 'up-close n personal' online 'fuck n suck' movies.
Then, knickers off and legs akimbo, using a hand mirror or 'selfie' smart phone pix to compare their own vulvas to the porn star's 'pretty pink pussy' and deciding they hate what they see and want a 'designer vagina' – threatening suicide - or worse – if their own GP won't recommend an NHS-funded labiaplasty job.
Interviewed for comment by one press hack from the Cock Sock Gazette, the gospel according to leading juvenile-age 'poorly pussy quack', Dr Naomi Crotch, who chairs the British Society for Paediatric and Adolescent Gynaecology, claims she is concerned family GPs are referring scores of young girls who want this operation to the Snatch Surgery Clinics – with females as young as nine seeking genital modification due the fact they're distressed and self-esteem affected due their vulva looking like a pit bull terrier's face after a 14 round title bout with a set of badgers.
Dr Crotch further explained that she had been consulted by girls as young as nine years old to undergo labiaplasty procedures - which involves the inner lips (labia minora) of the vulva being shortened or reshaped – and thus objections via uncomfortable cultural parallels are being drawn between this surgery and the illegal practice of female genital mutilation.
"In the twelve months of 2015-16, more than 200 girls under 18 had labiaplasty performed on the NHS – and over 150 of these girls were under 15."
"I personally conclude that online pornography and images viewed through social media are leading young girls to have unrealistic perceptions regarding the appearance of their genitalia – and wish to have their labia minora (nymphae) trimmed to cosmetic perfection."
"Okay, if there is some predominant and genuine medical abnormality – such as the fact they have pissflaps like a cowboy's saddlebags that hang out of their knickers and slap against their thighs while engaging in school sports events - then there might be a sound clinical reason to recommend a labiaplasty procedure. But just to boost their self-esteem with a designer minge – then no."
Fellattia McScrote, a 17 year old mother of three and resident of Greater Manchester's Stench Hill social housing estate, revealed her justification for threatening self-harm if the family GP didn't support her entreaty to have her drooping labia trimmed to symmetrical precision three years previously.
"Me an' me girly gang mates got discussin' the size of our pussy lips while we woz watchin' this lesbo dyke clusterfuck video and they all had picture perfect slits – like Barbie. So I uses me smart phone ter take a selfie pic of me snatch an' it looked like a sideways taco wiv the fillin' hangin' out - an' I wanted a nice camel toe muff look - wivout me piss flaps protrudin' through like a pair of scrunched up beef curtains."
Conversely, celebrity Harley Street cosmetic surgeon, Miles Gongleberry, defended the procedure - and his mega-bucks private practice fees - expressing an opinion that labiaplasty can improve women's self-esteem, and claiming a labia trim might just improve women's opinions of their twats.
"I've seen patients aged between 10 and 16 who've never had a boyfriend or male sex partner due the fact they're so concerned about their vulvas being regarded as coyote ugly and resembling a baboon's arse."
Obviously this is a very female-orientated 'girly thing' as we notice there's no great rush on the part of contemporary schoolboys to rush off down to the local Willy Clinic - or Rabbi Snipcock's synagogue – to have their cocks 'trimmed' or shortened for reasons of imprudent narcissism.
Then we come to the blight of political correctness and the current theme of allowing a child to decide what sex it identifies as – regardless of being kitted out shortly after the point of conception with either a cock or snatch.
Hence we have little girls who want to be boys, and in equal measure, pre-pubescent boys who'd prefer to be girls – all opting for gender reassignment on the NHS.
Hmmm, after reviewing the above, then one is inclined to agree with the recent report from the Children’s Commissioner for England that in excess of 800,000 adolescent kids across our once-sceptred isle are suffering from mental health problems.
Link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-40410459
Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness. An anti-authoritarian counter-culture alternative opinion blog and free radical alternative media source 'not owned' by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist ZioNazi Edomite Mafia 'Kosher Nostra' crime syndicate - and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare mention the dirty dealings of the Met's PPU (Paedophile Protection Unit ) or expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham's Nasty Paedo Club or Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).
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