HS2: The Great 'Railroaded' Farce

In this morning’s ‘A Tory Party Guide to Squandering Taxpayers' Money’ exposé edition we bring you the latest in scandal-mongering 'train spotting' gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into razor-edged bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial

The winners of the first tranche of £6.6 zillion quids-worth of construction contracts to build the initial phase of the controversial HS2 rail system linking London and Brumistan have been announced by the government.

Broken Britain's major civil engineering firms Balfour Beatty, Carillion and Costain are among the most favoured Masonic secret handshake club consortium players who footed the best 'facilitation fees' (bribes) to cop a big slice of the construction pie to build tunnels, bridges and embankments – an undertaking that will 'support' (not create) 16,000 jobs – (that are already filled) - and make a total fuck up of our green and pleasant land's environment across the first stretch of the proposed high speed rail line – with the final routes of the Manchester and Leeds branches due to be announced sometime before (or after) 2036 – which will include a decision regarding the currently planned HS2 path through the middle of Sheffield – or to actually go around it and avoid the contentious demolition of the newly-built Scally Hill social housing estate.

The Nasty Party's expense-fiddling Transport Secretary, Chris 'Sleazebag' Graything, opined to one gutter press hack from the Choo-Choo Review " The contracts to design and build areas of the high speed rail line have been split into five geographic groups: 'north, south, east, west' – and 'further north'. Plus we're making a cash offer (aka 'bribes') to farmers and housing residents on the HS2 route to fold their tents and fuck off to live elsewhere."

"As well as providing desperately needed new seats - so Jeremy Corbyn doesn't have to sit on the carriage floor - and better connecting our major Jolly Jihad Muslim terrorist hubs - HS2 will help rebalance our economy - as we'll have to borrow lots of money off the IMF to pay for it."

The skin-head, gay-bashing 'attack dog' Graything – Tory MP for Epsom Salts – is regarded around the House of Conmans as simply an aggressive thug and gobshite - whose unimpressive political career track record reveals the wanker fucks up whatever he lays a hand to – as instanced by his Works & Pensions Secretary stint - which left 100,000 staff redundant in offices around the country – then as Justice Secretary - with zero legal background – in which role his masterpiece of innovation was to ban books in prisons. And to add insult to injury, is equally fucking clueless when it comes down to transport – especially so train services and carving fucking great railroad cuttings through the heart of our once-sceptred isle's greenbelt - and housing estates.

The inept Transport Minister further informed the Choo-Choo Review "There's simply too many people commuting and HS2 will allow more trains to be servicing routes and slash the inter-city journey times by 50% . Then the plebes can get to the office to start work earlier – and the provision's there for a spot of overtime before heading back home in the evenings."

Too many people? Hmmm, there's the foundation stone for a fresh 'Halt on Immigration' argument. Deport all the EUSSR economic migrants back to their respective Third World Eastern European dumps and free up a stack of jobs – and train seats - then using the ancient Briton Iceni / Celtic gene line as a base reference point, ship the unemployed Anglo-Saxons back to Deutschland – starting with the Kraut-Greek welfare benefit scrounger clique squatting at the top of The Mall – in Fuckingham Palace – at the taxpayers' expense.

In a later interview with Andrew 'Bat-Ears' Marr on the Biased Broadcasting Corporation's 'Knobhead Hour' programme, Graything stated for the public record – and much to the mirth of studio staff - that as long as he's in charge of the high-speed rail network project, it will all be 'on time (2026) - on budget (£56 billion quid) - and the government has a pretty good idea of what it might all cost' (Que? WTF?).

Challenged by Marr on this point, Graything disputed a report released last Friday, detailing a study by quantity surveyor Michael Bung - who estimated the cost of HS2 could balloon to more than £100 billion nicker by 2036 - making it the most expensive railway in the known Universe – to which the intellectually-challenged Graything – devoid of any quantity surveying nor cost estimate experience - responded with his customary unqualified arrogance – branding Bung's research and report as "utter nonsense".

Nice, London to 'grim-up-north' Manchester in an hour. But WTF is the point of HS2 if the likes of Notwork Rail and Rattle Track are still running the show - or cutting the travel time from London to Brumistan by a third if the self-same incompetent, not-fit-for-purpose train operators – Worst Group; Southern Discomfort Trains; Ripoff Derailment; Sardine Mainline; First Crapita Connect; Caledonian Creeper and Snail-Rail - all with Biblical scale failure records of delays, cancelled services and strikes - are still operating the system?

Minister Graything needs to adopt the fabled Mussolini Theory factor and get the fucking things running on time.

In fact, before this clot goes any further with the fatally-flawed expanded end-product HS2 wish list scheme / scam - to link John O' Goats to Land's Bend - he – or some fucker responsible for damage control regarding Tory fubars – should remind the twat of his past 'less than stellar' performances as a minister of state – and urge he pass the ball to more capable 'experienced' hands.

Perhaps someone with a knowledge of 'railways' – for no fucker or their dog has held the vital government portfolio since the halcyon days of steam-driven trains - before that venal tosser Beeching dissolved British Railways and opened the door to 'for profit' privatisation' and the Rattle-Track / Snail Rail train services.

Thought for the day. Ouch! Thinking back to the Practical Pig Rail snafu - who ceased trading in 2003 following the Baconsfield disaster at Malfunction Junction.
The faster these HS2 trains are planned to go – the bigger the fuck up when they derail or hit something head on.

Bollocks – if the Nasty Party are out to waste taxpayers' money on white jumbo-sized fubars when the advent of driverless cars is just around the corner - then let's spend the £100 billion divorce fee the EUSSR are trying to extort for Brexit – and £56 billion quid 'minimum' cost of the HS2 snafu - on re-vitalising our coal and steel industries – and kick start a key apprenticeship programme to restock Britain's depleted craftsman population.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness. An anti-authoritarian counter-culture alternative opinion blog and free radical alternative media source 'not owned' by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist ZioNazi Edomite Mafia 'Kosher Nostra' bankster crime syndicate - and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare mention the dirty dealings of the Met's PPU (Paedophile Protection Unit ) or expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham's Nasty Paedo Club or Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).